13 Things Your Mother-in-Law Won’t Tell You

No doubt the text above was written by a MIL.

“When I visit you, I’m just coming to see the family”
That’s so not true!.If my house is not completely clean..she’ll start cleaning by herself…sometimes,she even wash and clean what is already(perfectly) done. So invasive and impolite. If somehow she believes in that way she’s showing us her ‘affection’, she’s (and many others MIL) failing gloriously.

I don’t think this author has ever met my mother-in-law, who really does truly fulfil every evil-witch stereotype going. Not just according to me, but also to my huscand, my father-in-law and both my sisters-in-law.

what a rubbish list!

What this list said before the editor got a hold of it:
1. I think I’m still the leading lady. 2. My son is still my little boy. He’s never had sex. I don’t know how you got those kids. You must’ve cheated on him. 3. I say the meanest things  to you when everyone is out of the room. Then, when folks return, I say an innocent sounding comment and make you look like a fool for over-reacting. 4. I buy bad gifts on purpose and like to see if you graciously accept it. Then, I interrogate you on it until you seem ungrateful because you just don’t lie. 5. I want the best for me and I want the best for my son–you are not what is best for him. 6. I truly know everything; if you don’t follow my advice, no matter how absurd, you and my son are not “obeying your mother and father”. 7. When I visit you, I am coming to see my son and maybe my grandchildren. I do not want to see you and I will criticize everything in your house while you are in the room in order for you to leave the room. 8. When I call my son on his phone and he does not answer it must be because you have hidden his phone from him. I know he always wants to speak with his mom. 9. Although you try very hard to please me, it’s not good enough. It will never be good enough because it’s coming from you. 10. Everyone knows that I am perfect. I make no mistakes. 11. I say underhanded comments about your mother (and father) and if you retort I will insist you misunderstand me. 12. I pray that my son would see how much better that you we are. 13. I refuse to admit how well you do know me, and I will never admit that you always give me the most thoughtful gifts. 

Iam not agree. My MIL tells her other son that she is jealous because his son adores me (what?!). Then, IF i did anyhitng great, she would not be happy, of course she’d quickly announced to everyone that she could do more better than that. She secretly calls her son to remind them (yes, each of them) not to spend too much for their mother-in-law, but during mothers day when his sons bought her a Gold Bangle, she complaints! she said its too thin & too cheap! She never taste, eat & use anything i cook, i bought for her, but if i visit her empt-handed again she’d tells her son that no ones cares for her. She visit our home twice a week, not just visit, its a sleep over, she use her own-picked bed sheets, and always use her mouth to make me work, telling the whole world that the house is dusty, tell us to move this n move that.

OMG squiggy… what you think is exactly correct!!!

I beg to differ. ‘Squiggy’, needs to get over herself.  This is , God’s words….When a man gets married he is to leave his mother,  father, et al and he and his wife will “yoke” together, forever.  In other words mom he no longer belongs to you….his wife is first in his life and he is to “cherish and love his wife as a cherished vessel”.  So, any mom trying to be devious and cut-throat is going against, God’s, commandments.  Holler at me when you get a clue!

lol.  I started out with “what the list said before the editor got a hold of it”. I wrote it in fun. I probably have a good 20 years before I become a MIL.

Sounds like my future mother in law who went out and bought a dress the same colour as my bridesmaids will be wearing accidentally (yeah right!) on purpose and before my mum even had a chance!!!

It’d be nice if all MILs were like the one in the article, though, it seemed condescending.

I LOVE #3. It is pretty comical…”The littlest comment from me is taken as a criticism, so I’m very careful what I say around you.” Not my MIL… seems EVERY thing she says to me is an insult.

My MIL just came after the birth of our latest child. She sat around
SIGHING, and saying out loud “I’m BORED! What am I supposed to do? Just
sit around here all day?”

Well, gees, lady, I had no idea that I was
supposed to give birth AND a couple weeks later,  perform tap dances to keep YOU from being
BORED. I wanted so badly to tell her to go home!

She made comments, and
would start running around like a chicken with her head cut off (slight
exaggeration) everytime the baby would cry, yelling, “What’s wrong with the baby? What’s wrong?” If I put the baby in the swing so I could nap, she would wake her up on purpose, saying, “I’m going to wake the baby up!” in a sing song voice… she did. The baby screamed it’s head off.

She actually got MAD at me for asking her “Do you want to hold the baby
while I make dinner?” When I’d leave the room, she asked her son, “What
am I supposed to DO with the baby?” If she didn’t want to hold her, why didn’t she just say, “You enjoy the baby, dear. I’ll make dinner.”

She spent the entire time complaining. If we’d go out, she would say things like, “I guess I’ll buy some magazines to look at, since there is NOTHING to do here.”
I have older kids, and she is free to take them wherever, and go DO SOMETHING with them… Seems all she wanted to do was complain. She took the older kids shopping, and bought HERSELF 5 bags of clothes. Nothing for them. If my kids asked her to play a game, she would say “No, that sounds boring.”

She tried tattling on my teenager for, gasp, wearing a bit of eye shadow. “A LADY doesn’t need make-up”. Tells my kids that they should only eat one meal a day, and tried to tattle on my kid for “nonstop complaining” about hunger. Well, yeah, when you eat breakfast at 6, and take them to the mall, and STILL havent fed them at 7 pm AT NIGHT, they MIGHT BE HUNGRY! (Still, I didn’t yell. Just said, “Well, I am glad they ate.” and left it at that.)

She is the RUDEST, most insensitive ogre I have ever met. I cannot believe my sweet husband sprang from her.

I HAVE felt bad in the past for possibly alienating her. I tried being her friend. She rejects me in the meanest ways possible. Every time my husband leaves the room, she says abusive things about me, my weight, or parenting skills vs how SHE raised her kids. It gets old.

I used to try and rationalize with her. I used to try and have my husband bridge the gap. I used to write her letters of thanks, and REALLY mean it. I used to send her pictures and newsy emails about what the kids were up to. (We live almost 1,000 miles from her.) I used to wish we had a good relationship.

Now, I don’t. I just nod, do the plastic smile, and repeat to myself “Do not react, do not react, do not react.” Since I have adopted that motto to her nasty attitude, she actually made a big show the last visit, and my husband saw, for the first time, how awful she really is. So, ladies… just hold your heads high. Don’t get your hubby involved. (It sucks having to be in the middle). Just smile and refuse to “get” that she is being a witch. It’ll frustrate her more than you. :)

Bull. Complete bull.

Do you actually know my mother in law???  You must be psychic or an extreme genius…

You just described my husband’s mother in full detail… How do you know all this?!?!

LOL.

I am both pained and comforted to know that I am not alone in the struggles of dealing with an unloving MIL. 

In the past year, the relationship with my MIL has becoming even more stressful. I now have chest pains and breathing problems– in all honesty, I think the anxiety and heartbreak she creates in me is what has caused this rapid decline in my health. 

Your post echos my experiences with my MIL. You are not alone. Keep your head

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My MIL refuses to come visit her own grandchild at my house because she is “uncomfortable because the house is always dirty” or because “we really dislike cats because they are dirty”. She hasn’t seen her grandchild in OVER A YEAR, and my family has been here every time she has been here, and even they agree the house has NOT been dirty when she comes over. And I highly doubt one well-trained cat in a 3000 square foot house makes THAT much of a difference that you can’t even see your own grandchild. We once invited her to dinner and she showed up DRUNK and kept telling her son he shouldn’t have gone through the trouble of cooking… he had caulk on his pants from work that day, and even though I was covered in flour and had worked very hard on my best chicken pot pie recipe (even the crust is from scratch), she continued to act like HE had cooked it… but then refused to eat it. Don’t tell me its not a “white glove inspection”, when every time she visits all I ever hear about (even a YEAR after the last time she was at my house) is that my house is ALWAYS dirty.

It saddens me to see that all posters must have such aweful Mothers-in-Law… mine is the sweetest person I ever met and truely treats me like I’m her own flesh and blood. She does thank me for making her son happy, she tells him constantly that she is glad that he found me. You can’t generalize. I feel sad for all the women (and men) out there who can’t get along with their in-Laws and wish them all the best. But I feel graced and thankful that not only did I find the sweetest man but that he also has a wonderful and loving family who treats me like one of their own

At least she is not wearing white to your wedding like my MIL did.

Or maybe she simply doesn’t feel welcome by you.  That was my perception of what you wrote.

I remember my own mother coming by to visit and cleaning my front windows while waiting for me to get home one time.  It is a rather tender memory that I have of her, because it was so selfless.  I couldn’t believe how sweet she was for trying to help me like that, just out of the kindness of her heart.  To this day, now that she has passed, it brings tears to my eyes.  Could it be that your mother in law actually cares and wants to do something nice for you out of not knowing what else to do?

When I read your complaint, three letters came to my mind…BFD! 

Are you serious?  You freak out that your mother in law chose the wrong color dress to wear t your wedding? 

Wow!  If you were my future daughter in law, I’d be pulling out all of the psych books to f with you!  You seem like a ready made victim and its clear there would be no chance to get along with you.  ROFL 

There is a difference between a mother in-law or mother who cleans to help and one who cleans and makes comments about your house as an insult.  My mother in law is the latter.  The house could be hospital clean and she would still complain about it because she didn’t do it her self.  It can also be very invasive to have someone go through your house and look through everything as if it was hers under the guise of cleaning.  That’s how my MIL likes to snoop and make comments on our lifestyle/financials/choices.  We limit her visits now.

I’m sure your mom is more like the helpful one.  It sounds like she was a nice and caring person.

There is a difference between a mother in-law or mother who cleans to help and one who cleans and makes comments about your house as an insult.  My mother in law is the latter.  The house could be hospital clean and she would still complain about it because she didn’t do it her self.  It can also be very invasive to have someone go through your house and look through everything as if it was hers under the guise of cleaning.  That’s how my MIL likes to snoop and make comments on our lifestyle/financials/choices.  We limit her visits now.

I’m sure your mom is more like the helpful one.  It sounds like she was a nice and caring person.

Or black like mine did.

Or black like mine did.

For those of you that have children, try to be grateful that they HAVE a grandmother.  And be happy that your husbands can share the experience of being a father with HIS mother, regardless of your issues.  My mother-in-law was my MIL to me for one day – my wedding day.  She died the day after we got back from our honeymoon.  Fifteen years later my husband will not watch our wedding video because it hurts too much to see her on it.  Although she was grandmother to many other children, my husband never got the joy of having her grandmother HIS kids.  And I never got the chance to even experience a mother-in-law.  My kids have now lost both grandmothers (my mom died when my oldest child was five), and I find it so sad.

For those of you that have children, try to be grateful that they HAVE a grandmother.  And be happy that your husbands can share the experience of being a father with HIS mother, regardless of your issues.  My mother-in-law was my MIL to me for one day – my wedding day.  She died the day after we got back from our honeymoon.  Fifteen years later my husband will not watch our wedding video because it hurts too much to see her on it.  Although she was grandmother to many other children, my husband never got the joy of having her grandmother HIS kids.  And I never got the chance to even experience a mother-in-law.  My kids have now lost both grandmothers (my mom died when my oldest child was five), and I find it so sad.

My future mother-in-law makes my toes curl. She is Korean (my fiance is half) and I am still being introduced to the ridiculous Korean notion that a daughter-in-law should be submissive to the mother-in the-law. There was a study done not too long ago that showed most married women report their #1 life stresser to be their MOTHER-IN-LAW – before kids, work, money, etc.!!!! This says something. When I get married, I insist on living at least 300 miles from my future mother-in-law. We can visit on holidays. We will use my mother for babysitting or a babysitter!

I have had my ups and downs with my mother-in-law (the bad seems to outweigh the good at times!).  Even though we get along now, I can not trust her as far as I can throw her. Fortunately, my husband has seen many of the “downs” and is very supportive of me.  Good news is, is that overall we have a great relationship (now) and she is a wonderful grandmother.  Sometimes I question her intentions and her sincerity.  I struggle day to day with my feelings, but when I look at the big picture, I recognize her love for her family.  And I do love her….even with her faults, because I also recognize that I am not perfect.  

My MIL is the mastermind of the conflict I’ve had with her husband and daughters.  For years, I endured their comments and their snotty stares until one day I said no more.  I was under a lot of stress whenever I joined their gatherings.  I would bring it home and it would affect my marriage and my mental health all together.  I am thankful that my husband accepted my standpoint and he stopped insisting I join them. I did not see them again for about three years.  I was at last more relaxed and started thinking more positive thoughts again.  I was such in a good place, staying positive, fit and healthy that I got pregnant again at a later age. I told my husband not to mention to his parents or sisters about my pregnancy.  I did not want the stress all over again.  I agreed he tell them about it during my 8th month.  We saw my in-laws again a couple months after our baby was born.  God knows we were trying hard to have a second child and I know one big factor that caused my inability to conceive again was the stress I experienced due to my in-laws. I am so glad I gave myself a chance to step out of that toxic space and learn to live happily and in turn be given the greatest gift of all. 

I’m sad to hear that most everyone on here has the stereotype MIL. If I could clone my boyfriend’s mother, I would. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years and I LOVE his family. His mom and I have birthdays that are right near each other (a couple of decades off…), and have similar personalities.She is very upbeat, thoughtful, helpful and a great listener! 

She raised a man who is very similar (a little more quiet and reserved, but still very thoughtful, kind, and positive). I have lost count of the number of people that have asked me if he’s “put a ring on it” yet (the answer is no, we would like to finish college and get our feet under us first), and I think that if/when we get hitched I am going to be so blessed because his family will be the best kind of in-laws anyone could ask for. My mom and her MIL got along well too, and reportedly my nana got along with her MIL better than anyone (including her own mom). For me the whole “monster in law” thing is a stereotype and a bad movie plot.

I so agree with you. My MIL passed away this year after having lived with us for just over a year. I still miss her every day. After my Mom died she stepped in and “became” my mother. She was wonderful, and I was so lucky. We had our problems, as any two people in any relationship will. Then we got over them. I loved her so much.

I think we have the same mother-in-law.

I feel sad that you can’t spell truly or awful. Get an education please…

Only monster in laws live until they are a hundred and ten. All the nice ones die–it’s true.

During our wedding, my mother in law was so rude, cold, competitive and catty towards my mom. My mom is the sweetest, nicest woman alive. She and I are basically best friends. It’s ridiculous and immature of my MIL to act how she does. Plus my husband is her beloved. It’s almost unwholesome. She loves him so much more than her daughter. There is something cold and “off” about women like that. She also over helps and cleans and such when she’s around. She is a total  martyr. Ug!

hello,
my story is similar as yours. i have known my husband since university days, and eventually got to know his mom and family. at that time, i was so naive and innocent. i could not see the hypocrism in his family members especially his mom and sis. after my wedding, i realised how i was wrong about my mother in law. she would clean my room and spy on me and my things…which my own mom would hesitate to do…my mother in law also read my sis-in law personal diary. very cheap of her. after my 1st child was born..it was as if i delivered  the baby only for her…she was always seen with my baby…and i got to spend less and less time with my own blood and flesh….i was heart broken but could do nothing…my baby would not even come to me when i returned from work…when i wanted so much to hug her in my arms…my mother in law was always there watching…i felt i was in a prison deprived of all liberty…to take care of my child..to love my child…my privacy was invaded…and my baby was alienating from me…until i decided ti quit my job and look after my baby myself after 2 years. this action of my has angered my mother in law, father in law and my husband’s sister. they cursed me a lot….it was as if i was not supposed to have the right to my own baby….

Squiggy, that was so cathartic reading your list.. really made me chuckle.  I married an only child, my MIL thinks that I stole her baby away from her.  My husband borrowed a few hundred dollars from her because we were having some financial issues and needed to make the car payment and afford Christmas.  We’ve borrowed and repayed her every penny in the past.  She told me that she felt that it was my fault we needed the money since I only work 30 hours a week (I have two small children), and that she insisted I pay her every week out of my paycheck.  She also took my husband out two weeks later on a shopping spree for Christmas and gave me a pair of gloves that still had the tag on that said 70% off of $12!  I am always grateful, even when she gives me dollar store pot holders and my husband gets a gift card for $50…lol  She rolls her eyes if I try to videotape Grandma on kid’s birthdays.. yep, she denies it but I have it on video.. once she said “turn that off!”..  ah sweet memories.  She also told me that she blames me for getting pregnant before my husband and I got married 12 years ago because I had a medical background and should have known better.. like he was an innocent child and I stole his virginity..lol If my husband ignores her calls, she’ll call me the next day and ask me if I turned off the phone.  Truth is I’m tempted to… I wish I had a MIL that cared for me or about me, but she views me as the tramp that stole her baby boy.  I think I’ll start living up to that label.

Wow! You sound a little passive aggressive!

I lost my mother in law two days ago. It is hard. I wrote her a note a few years ago thanking her forr my wonderful husband, and for loving my chldren. I am glad I did that. Life is short, respect and love one another.

I lost my mother in law two days ago. It is hard. I wrote her a note a few years ago thanking her forr my wonderful husband, and for loving my chldren. I am glad I did that. Life is short, respect and love one another.

If only I had this woman for a mother-in-law!

I know there are some lovely MILs out there, but mine is a cunning and manipulative witch who cuts me down every chance she gets (conveniently when her son isn’t around) and always comments about attractive women on television, pointing them out to her son (I know I’m attractive, but it still infuriates me).

She has no respect for me in my home. She is pushy and overbearing (and my husband knows this). I am, unfortunately, an unwilling participant in an unspoken competition for “control” every time we are together. If my husband and I ever have children, I’ll have to work even harder to maintain control of my own household as she undoubtedly will try to take over in that area, too.