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Question
What's a good defense against a back stabber? This guy in my office tries to get the boss alone and then skewers everyone who's not on "his team," especially me. What can I do without stooping to his tactics?
-- Target of Mack the Knife
Dear Target,
You're on the right track. Don't stoop and don't fret. Is your boss even listening to Mack? Most bosses have heard it all before and are pretty savvy. If you think the boss is listening, speak up for yourself. Be positive and public. Take every opportunity in meetings to claim your rightful ideas and performance. And don't worry, the Macks of the world eventually die of self-inflicted wounds.
Question
My mom is agoraphobic. She hasn't left the house in nine years. Since she has become completely housebound, she has called every mental health place listed in the phone book, every therapist, the county mental health administrator, and even has written the governor. None of these people was able to offer any help. Doctors and therapists just don't make house calls. How does someone terrified of going outside, with no health insurance and living on very limited means, get help?
-- Worried Daughter
Dear Worried,
She may have indeed made all of these calls and written all of these letters, but I doubt she made her plea very clear. Therapists who specialize in treating phobias routinely work outside their offices: Someone treating a patient's fear of elevators, for instance, holds desensitization sessions in an elevator. Your mother needs serious help. She obviously doesn't know how to find it. The county mental health group should have steered her to low-cost care. You need to take charge. Go online and find a therapist in your area who specializes in phobias. Or call the National Mental Health Association at 800-969-NMHA for help with affordable referrals.
Question
My old friend (we've known each other for 15 years) was dumped by her boyfriend. She's crushed. For weeks now, I've been doing everything imaginable to help her get over him. I spend evenings with her. Drive her to work. Go shopping with her. Other people say she's taking advantage and walking all over me. But how do I stop and not feel guilty about it?
-- Doormat
Dear Mat,
You're only a doormat if you feel like one. Do you think she is taking advantage? Or are you glad to give the extra support she needs now? If the latter is true, don't worry what others say; go ahead and give. You say she's an old friend, so she must know your breaking point. If she doesn't, you owe it to yourself and her to say, "Hey, I can't take much more of this!" She may need professional help if she can't get over her boyfriend ... but that's another question.
Question
I'm worried about my eight-year-old son. Kids tease him at school about his ears. They call him Dumbo, monkey, big ears. He's a cute boy, but his ears do stick out. He cries about it at night. Is there a comeback I can teach him for when they tease? Or would you recommend surgery?
-- Hyper Mom
Dear Hyper,
No, I would not recommend plastic surgery for a perfectly normal eight-year-old boy. Putting your son under the knife would be to tell him, "There's something terribly wrong with you!" -- a message that could scar him for life. Look, eight-year-olds are a rough crowd. It doesn't matter what the specifics are: ears, freckles, glasses, height, weight. Anything will serve as reason for playground jabs. Teach your son to protect himself by being funny, or athletic, or smart, or to adopt some other role so he's more than just a set of ears to his peers.
Question
We know a couple who recently adopted a "Baby." That's what they call their dog. When they visit, they bring her toys, water and food bowl. Even a potty. We don't have pets or particularly care for them. My wife says put up with it. I say we should politely ask them to get a baby-sitter. What do you say?
-- DogGone
Dear Doggone,
I'm a big animal lover, and yet I say: Yank the leash. Tell them your home is off-limits to even the most pampered pooch. Frankly, I think Baby could probably benefit from a little time away from her parents.
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