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Uncommon Sense: “Tell My Friend about Her Bridesmaid’s Bad Behavior?”

Give your best advice! Write your best answer to this problem in the comments below, and we might use your suggestion in a future issue.

By Jeanne Marie Laskas from Reader's Digest Magazine | June 2013

I was the maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding, and there was one bridesmaid—a cousin of the bride—who was causing drama constantly. The bride was none the wiser to her behavior, but I’m still reeling. Do I tell the bride how awful her cousin was or keep my mouth shut? —Miffed Maid

 

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Your Comments

  • http://www.facebook.com/bosley.mcgillan Bosley McGillan

    Why would you even want to tell her and stain your best friends special day? It sounds like YOU are the one causing drama!

  • http://www.facebook.com/wendy.swerdlow.pederson Wendy Swerdlow Pederson

    Ask yourself: Would sharing this help your relationship with the bride? Would it hurt it? No matter how close you are to the bride, family is family and bringing this up to the bride (who most likely knows her cousin’s drama-queen tendencies) will not help your relationship. In fact, it may cause a divide between the two of you. Time to turn around and put the past behind you.

  • Rachael Johnsen

    Part of the duty of a bridesmaid is to facilitate the momentous occasion for the bride. In your efforts to shield the bride from the dramatic behavior of her cousin, you fulfilled that duty splendidly. Now that the event is over, there is no reason to dwell on one person’s bad behavior unless your goal is to taint the opinion of one cousin to another thereby creating a new drama for all involved.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shoescrape Liz Wysocki Landino

    If it didn’t bother the bride, then it is water under the bridge. She probably already knows what her cousin is like, and chooses not to acknowledge bad behavior.

  • Victoria

    Thank goodness the bride was “none the wiser.” It was the bride’s day after all, not yours. Nothing was to be gained by pointing it out then and ruining the day for the bride, and nothing will be gained by pointing it out now. Repeat after me: Let it go…

  • pjf

    The event(wedding)is over. Now you need to get over the issue,also. If you have a problem with someone you need to address the individual. I would ask myself, what is your motive for telling the bride now. Move on and keep the happier memories of wedding in mind. You will be the bigger person.

  • K A E

    Dear Miffed,
    Your concern for the bride is admirable. Do you say something or do you keep silent? If the bride was none the wiser, you might question why you are so upset? Did the bridesmaid push some of your buttons by just being herself? Was she intentionally causing drama? If you watched the movie, Greek Wedding, it goes without saying, it is not uncommon to have drama at a wedding. My advice- take a little time to determine why it bothered YOU so much and let the bride enjoy the memories of a happy wedding.

  • paulcountry

    Who got married here? you or your so called friend? Exactly!! You answered your own question twice. 1st- the bride was unaware of this behavior. 2nd- your last four words were right on the money. Why would a “Friend” wish to shine a bad light on a beautiful day? Self gratification maybe? Shame on you!

  • Janice Garey

    There isn’t any reason to tell your friend anything negative about the wedding. As you say, (Keep your mouth shut).

  • Christina Jordan

    Why would you rehash something that’s over? The weddings done, and most likely you wont have to deal with this person again. It should be out of site out of mind. By you addressing it, most likely you would stir up drama. It could also put a damper between you and your friend, because no matter how close you are, family always comes first. If you ever come in come in contact with this cousin, and she starts causing drama again, than I would address it. Most likely if she did it once, she will do it again.

  • http://twitter.com/LaylaChloesNana LaylaChloe’sNana

    Absolutely not. Just suck it up. Like parents who doesn’t want to hear from the babysitter all the irrelevant things their kids did while they had a date, the bride does not need her special day spoiled by something that’s over and done.

  • Emerald Queen

    Dear Miffed Maid, A wedding day belongs to the bride and if the bride herself was not aware of her cousin acting like a drama queen then it is best to keep your mouth shut and let her remember her wedding day with just happy thoughts. No good can come out of you telling her after the fact except you hoping that it might make YOU feel better. Keep in mind “blood is thicker than water” and if the bride was none the wiser to her cousin’s behavior then I suggest trying to get past this reeling feeling you are still having. Spilling the beans may jeopardize your friendship so you have to think about whether her cousin is worth that.

  • Patricia O.

    Just because the bride appeared to be “none the wiser”, doesn’t mean she didn’t notice. However, it was her day and whether she noticed it or not, she didn’t let it ruin her day. Why are you letting it ruin your memories of your best friends happy occasion? Either way, there is no point in saying anything when the deed is done. Telling your best friend that her cousin was a drama queen on her big day could very well upset her. That day is over, the bride was happy, why bring it up now? Think how you would feel if the tables were turned. I don’t understand why it bothers you so much, it wasn’t your cousin, and the bride was happy. Let it go. Move on.

  • Laurel

    Let the bride stay “none the wiser” and be glad her cousin isn’t yours.

  • Ronnie Applewhite

    First of all, kudos for being a great Maid Of Honor and not bringing this up before or during the wedding. But why stop there? Ask yourself if anything good or productive, for you or your best friend, could possibly happen as a result of bringing this up now. You would be doing both of you a favor to just let it go.

  • Sharron Amis

    Dear Miffed Maid:
    Who made you the Wedding Police? The bride was appropriately involved with her new husband and enjoying her wedding and her guests. That she was unaware of any supposed drama is exactly as it should have been. You need to keep your silence: you would be no friend to the bride by pointing out any problems YOU thought had occurred at the wedding.

  • Judi Pacileo

    As her maid of honor, you are there to keep her wedding day as stress free as possible. And surround her with all the good memories of the day. She knows her cousin and may have been “forced” by family to include this cousin. Let it be. Stay her maid of honor so on their 50th anniversary, you will be there to celebrate and remember the great wedding with them

  • Katrea

    Although it’s tempting to tell, its probably not worth it. Better to let the drama-causer dig her own hole rather than have your friend be disappointed in you for “tattling”.

  • Rosepeace2u

    To Miffed Maid. The wedding is all about the bride and groom. If the Bride was none the wiser, to her cousins behavior, she should remain that way. She obviously has a close relationship with this cousin and there would be no good reason to say something that could harm that relationship or cloud the brides memory of her most lovely day, her wedding. Be thankful that you were a friend who was important enough to the bride to be included in her wedding and remember the good time that you had and let go of the things that were out of your control. It is in the past so it cannot be changed. If that is the worst thing that ever happens to you, you still have it made!

  • Faith Dean

    Just to make sure I understand – the bride was none the wiser, her day went off without a hitch and she had a great wedding – and NOW you want to tell her about her drama-causing cousin? Girl, why are you trying to start drama?

  • History Buff

    Do NOT tell your friend about her annoying cousin. The wedding is over and you can’t change history!

  • Mary

    Please keep quiet on the issue. You are the one who is overreacting. Since they’re related, I’m sure the bride already knows about the issue. Even so, why would you want to ruin your friend’s happy day? Get used to the fact that there will always be a drama queen somewhere. So please, keep your friend’s best interests in mind and move on like nothing ever happened.

  • syrvyvr64

    Before you say a word, ask yourself, will it matter five years from now?

  • Tempella Guernsey

    I’d keep my mouth shut unless she requests you deal w/ cousin for another huge social occasion, like hosting a baby shower or milestone birthday party/ anniversary. She’d just get defensive & hurt & can’t do anything about it now. If it still keeps bugging you, why not journal your feelings or talk to a trusted counselor or clergy member bound by confidentiality about it? You may also want to consider whether her cousin is really what’s troubling you or if real issue is jealousy or fear of growing apart from BFF now that her life has changed, esp. if you’re still single & wish you weren’t.

  • Ellen R

    Who’s causing drama now? It’s over, let it go!

  • Jess McConnell

    You being angry today cannot change ANYTHING that happened before, in the past. I wouldn’t bother saying a word, for 2 reasons; 1) it’s a family member of your best friend that upset you, and no matter what, blood is thicker than water, and 2) it won’t change anything. So, I’d swallow this one, even though it still makes you mad.

  • pennsyltucky

    If the wedding is over, what good will it do? It’s not like you and her cousin are going to be spending any time together anymore. There’s no reason to say anything, most likely that will cause more issues than she apparently does.

  • Amaralee

    The past is just that – PAST. Your best friend has fond memories of her wedding, and is proceeding with her married life. It is in the best interest of all involved if you take some deep breaths, release your concerns about the bridesmaid’s behavior, and live in the present moment. You will enjoy life more, and so will your friend.