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1. If I cut you off, don’t argue. If anything, you should apologize if you’ve made a scene.
2. The more you make out with your date, the closer you are to being cut off.
3. One guy told me I had the worst smile he‘d ever seen. I found out that he thinks a girl won‘t remember him unless he puts her down. I guess it worked; I‘m telling you this story three weeks later.
4. Think tending bar isn’t a real career? You’re wrong. The craft of bartending is coming back, and some of us are even called “mixologists” now.
5. If it’s not busy, ask me about the history of drink or the latest cocktail I’ve invented. I love sharing what I know, and you’ll learn something new.
6. You’ll win points with me if you request gin in your martini.
7. My knees hurt. Bar mats prevent slipping, but I really like them for the cushioning. I use sole inserts in my shoes, too.
8. I can tell if your date is going well or not, and I notice if you bring in a new date every week.
9. Everyone should bartend a few nights in his life. You learn so much about people.
10. If you’re going to hit on me all night, at least leave a big tip.
11. The songs you line up on the jukebox will play right as you’re leaving.
12. I love being your psychiatrist-matchmaker-entertainer-friend. Otherwise, I wouldn’t tend bar.
13. Please, take a cab.
Sources: David Craver, president, National Bartenders Association, and anonymous bartenders in Boston, Kentucky, Florida, California, and Illinois. Interviews by Bridget Nelson Monroe.
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