Ask Laskas: Is Ex-Husband's Request Inappropriate?

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Jeanne Marie Laskas has answers.

By Jeanne Marie Laskas

From Reader's Digest

Got a question? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
My ex-husband and the woman he had an affair with are getting married. He has asked our 23-year-old daughter to stand up for the “other woman” during the ceremony. My daughter isn't even sure she'll be able to sit through the ceremony, much less stand at the altar on the bride's side. Isn't his request inappropriate under the circumstances?
-- Bitter

Dear Bitter,
It seems unreasonable to me. But then, I'm as immaterial to this discussion as you are. The fact is, your daughter's struggles are between her and her dad. Your challenge as her mother is to encourage her to talk all this over with her father, not you. And then support your daughter no matter what she decides. Added difficulty: Be careful not to infect her with your bitterness.

Question
My wife's family grosses me out. At dinner, they'll grab food off my plate, sip soup directly from the serving ladle, and drag their fingers across the cake to get at the icing. I've told my wife that I've had it-I'm never eating with them again. Now she's upset with me. How do I solve my table trauma?
-- Fed Up

Dear Fed,
Sounds like you've lost all appetite for the in-laws, and I don't blame you. Problem is, you're stuck with them. Explain to your wife why they disgust you. Give a demonstration, but keep it light and be understanding-they are her family, after all. Then cut a deal: One dinner with the oinkers equals one annoying event she has to endure. Get creative. For the price of one unpleasant Thanksgiving dinner, you might buy yourself a tailgate party.

Question
I play three instruments, and my lessons are very important to me. But my mom is always late getting me to them. She's never ready on time. And she yells at me if I tell her to hurry up. Then of course she shows up 20 minutes late to pick me up after my lesson. How can I get her up to speed?
-- Clock-Watcher

Dear Clock,
Okay, listen: Your mom is sick of driving you around. Her late show is almost certainly an expression of resentment. Scolding her for being a bad chauffeur is only going to make matters worse. Get her up to speed by showering her with appreciation. Do something special as a thank-you: Wash the dishes, throw in a load of laundry, finish an odd job around the house that will help lighten her load. Small acts of kindness work wonders.

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