Ask Laskas: Should I Risk My Marriage?

Questions about pets, parents, partners or office politics?
Jeanne Marie Laskas has answers.

By Jeanne Marie Laskas

From Reader's Digest

Got a question? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@readersdigest.com. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
I have been dreaming about my high school sweetheart lately. I am married, with a child, but I never got over him. To make matters worse, I know that he still thinks about me. I love my husband, but I have to know: Should I risk my marriage on a possibility or stick with a sure bet?

-- Confused

Dear Confused,

We never get over our high school sweethearts. Back then, passions were strong, attachments pure, and lives uncomplicated, and those earliest loves remain forever young. Add a few years, a few disappointments, a few kids, and a few gray hairs, and those times seem almost unbearably sweet. The best way to have that love forever is by remembering it as it was. The best way to lose it would be to reconstruct that time of your life. Listen, you love your husband-so love your husband! Count your blessings. Let the past go.

Question
During a surprise visit to my sister's house, I was horrified to find that she's become a hoarder, turning her house into a veritable junkyard. She's very responsible-a registered nurse, a great mother-and she's single again, and the kids are grown. She's helped me all my life, through thick and thin, and now I want to help her. What can I do?

-- Worried Sis

Dear Sis,

Are the newspapers piling up in the belief that someday they'll be read? Are old frozen dinner and Chinese food containers littering a shelf because they might be needed in the future? Is the home so full of trash, there's nowhere to sit? If so, get her professional help pronto. But if not, keep this in mind: One person's clutter can be another person's comfort. Sister Stuff may like living alone and finally having the freedom to surround herself with trinkets and memories. If she's happy and in no danger, let her be.

Question
My husband's coworker wants to socialize with us. The truth is, we aren't interested. He and his wife are perfectly lovely, and my husband gets along with him at the office. But we would prefer to leave it at that. We have politely declined so many times that it's getting awkward. Any advice?

-- Just Work Buddies

Dear Buddies,

You can keep declining and hope they get the hint. But here's a better option: Lie. Have your husband throw you under the bus (what are spouses for?) by saying something like "My wife is so busy with work/ family/whatever, we don't have time to socialize." I don't like lying, but in this case, it's better than the brutal truth, which is "Look, we really don't like you people."

Question
I'm a guy, and my best friend is a girl who is leaving for college. She's sweet and makes me laugh. Here's my problem: I've fallen in love with her. I want to tell her, but I'm afraid of making things weird between us. I don't want to lose her as a friend.

-- Hopelessly in Love

Dear Hopelessly,

Sorry, but things are already officially weird between the two of you. A mutual friendship is now a one-sided love relationship. If you are really friends, you'll be able to talk this over and come up with a solution.

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