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Q: My husband's family believes a woman's role is to have babies and stay home to raise them. We love kids but aren't ready. The result? Constant hints that I can't cook or take care of my husband properly because I have a job and don't devote myself full-time to housekeeping. I want to explode and run screaming into the night, but I love my husband and don't want to make him choose between his family and me. How can I can the criticism?
-- Enough Already!
Dear Enough,
Go ahead, explode and run screaming into the night-just drag your husband along. The most important thing is that it's the two of you who decide when the time is right to start a family. Talk it out with him and make sure you're still on the same timetable. Then, when the sun comes up, ask him to please put a muzzle on the meddling mutts, er, his family.
Q: A year ago, I started a job and after a while began to hang out with my manager. I'm 17; she's 24 and married. I fell in love, but she doesn't know I'm crazy about her. Should I tell her? I need the job. What can I do?
-- Worked Up
Dear Worked,
Wake up! You're living in la-la land. Your version of the classic teacher crush will never go anywhere, and if it does, you're in even bigger trouble. Play this out: She falls in love with you, technically a juvenile. You carry on an illicit affair. You get caught. She gets arrested for contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The two of you end up in court or on bad cable TV, the cameras following her to jail. Or you could avoid all this and simply get out now. Start by finding a new job.
Q: My husband is a world-class procrastinator. If I ask him to do something around the house, he delays so long, he forgets about it. He doesn't take any responsibility for the bills or the kids; everything is left up to me. If I get upset, he says I'm just overreacting. If I try to explain to him how important it is to me that he complete a certain project, I'm nagging. What can I do to get him to move?
-- More Than Half My Share
Dear More,
So Mr. Lazy has tuned you out. And your nag routine is going nowhere. This problem is much bigger than a division of labor. His passive-aggressive act is a way of saying "I'm sick of you, sweetheart." Any nagging on your part is communicating the same. Having translated, I must now recommend professional intervention. To resuscitate this relationship, get some counseling. You two need to learn how to speak the same language.
Q: The second my kids get home from school, our neighbor down the street sends her daughter over to play with my youngest girl. We were fine with this at first, but now it's every day. This lady even unloads her daughter at our house so she can duck out and run errands. She's a single mom, but this sort of arrangement seems more appropriate for close friends. On top of that, her daughter is rude. Are we being antisocial, or is this normal neighborhood etiquette?
-- After-School-Club Mom
Dear After-School,
Let me get this straight: The kid's a brat, the mom's a schnorrer-and you're worried about your manners? Honey, this woman (and her kid) is walking all over you. For the sake of your own children, demonstrate a lesson in how to be generous without being played for a fool. Set up specific playdates, some at your house and some at your neighbor's. Unless relationships like this are reciprocal, they become toxic.
Have questions about parents, partners, or office politics? Ask Jeanne Marie at rd.com/laskas. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.
Question of the Month
My parents, who are paying for my college education (which I greatly appreciate), discourage me from getting a job and want me to focus on my studies. My boyfriend is also a student, but he works and says it's the adult thing to do. He makes me feel lazy and childish. I'm 19; I want to be as independent and self-supporting as possible. Who's right-my parents or my boyfriend?
-- Full-Time Student
Dear Full-Time,
A boyfriend who makes you feel lazy and childish is a good candidate for ex-boyfriend status, regardless of his intentions or motivation. Listen to your parents. They have your best interests at heart.
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