Forging New Links

Learn how make new friends easily and effectively.

By Jeanne Marie Laskas
From Reader's Digest
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PHOTOGRAPHED BY FRANK VERONSKY
Jean Marie Laskas is the author of Growing Girls (Bantam).
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PTSD and Pushy Neighbors

Questions about pets, parents, partners or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
Two years ago, we lost everything in Hurricane Katrina. We moved to another state -- new home, new careers, new schools for my kids. I used to have my own business and lots of friends. Now I can't even go to the grocery store without freaking out. I get chest pains and have trouble breathing. My husband and kids are thriving. How can I start over too?
-- Scaredy-Cat

Dear Scaredy,
My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine rebuilding a life as you are doing, and I applaud you for helping your family recover. You, however, seem to be suffering from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), an organically based emotional reaction to crisis, not uncommon among Katrina survivors. PTSD isn't an affliction of the weak or maladjusted. Don't compare yourself with your husband or kids. No one knows why some people have more difficulty after trauma than others. Call your physician or clergy and ask for a referral to a mental health professional who can help evaluate your fears and free you to go out and get on with your life.

Question
The mother of my daughter's classmate watched my daughter once while I ran an errand. Since then, she's sent her child to my house at least once a week. She calls the same day and then drops her off. The kid is a handful, and my daughter is edging away from her. I'm boiling mad. Should I tell this freeloading babe off?
-- Unpaid Nanny

Dear Unpaid,
Don't let the pressure build up and you won't need to have a great confrontation. (Save that for holiday family gatherings!) Take a cue from your intuitive daughter: Back away. Each time Freeloader calls, quietly say that hardest of short words: no.

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Hello, I would like to comment on your advice from the edition "Oh cheer up" where you tell a woman, who is offended by the increasing bustlines in view at the office. Your answer, on say nothing, epitomizes why uncivilized behavior/dress gets out of hand. Let us revist the king has no clothes on... Because nobody says anything. What i men started wearing cock-pieces again? Scantily dressed men and women need to be in private sectors, not at work.

By rkstarkey, on 05/29/2009

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