When to Keep Quiet

You've got questions. She's got answers.

By Jeanne Marie Laskas

From Reader's Digest

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Dealing With Invited Guests and Work Friends

Questions about pets, parents, partners or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
At a recent dinner party, one guest completely took over the conversation. He seemed to think we wanted his opinion on everything. He had to top every story. I tried to steer the conversation to others, but he didn’t take the hint. Got any graceful tips for closing the floodgates without being rude?
-- Hostage Hostess

Dear Hostage,
Run for the hills! I do when trapped by a boor. Why are we all so worried about insulting blabbermouths? It’s their blather that’s rude! Being polite just gives yakkers license to yak. Next time, see what happens if you say, loud and firm, “Let’s give someone else a chance to talk!” I’ll try it if you will. (And I invite all readers to join the crusade.)

Question
When my in-laws visit, they bring their little dog, who they claim is housebroken, but I’ve scooped up the evidence he isn’t. Is it bad manners to bring pets without asking first? Or worse to request they leave Poopsie home?
-- New Carpet

Dear Carpet,
Yes, it is bad manners to show up with an uninvited pooch. And no, it is not bad etiquette to say, “No pets allowed.” Your house, your rules. If you don’t have the spine to label Doggie Doo a Doggie Don’t, let them do the scooping. Maybe they’ll develop an allergy to future visits.

Question
A year ago, I became the supervisor of someone I’ve known since grade school. One day, while I was relating a new company policy about break time (nothing directed specifically at her), she got mad and now will not speak to me at work or outside. I can’t believe she’s holding this against me and is willing to throw away all those years of being friends. What can I do?
-- Disillusioned

Dear Disillusioned,
Start by talking to her again. Find out why she’s decided to keep you at arm’s length. It could be that she is not able to maintain a friendship with someone who has professional authority over her. If that’s the case, work out an agreeable transfer for her and let your old friendship flourish in new ways.