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Question
I just remodeled my home, and now I want to throw an "End-of-Building BBQ Bash" for friends and family. But I am not sure how to say "No gifts" without sounding like I was expecting gifts in the first place -- or insulting anyone who might want to bring one. What's the rule?
-- Mr. Fix-It
Dear Fix-It,
What rule? Throw some patties on the grill. Welcome people into your home, and let them ooh and aah over your new drywall. If someone brings a gift, say, "Oh, you shouldn't have!" Don't worry about what they think you think. Some people like bringing gifts! It never crosses the minds of others. Don't sweat it. Burger on!
Question
Our seventh-grader is bright, but does sloppy homework. For the last two years, my wife has rewritten it for him. She also reads him books before a test or an oral report. I don't believe this is the way to improve his study skills. My wife insists it's OK. Is this harmless help, or is it hindering our son?
-- Unsure Dad
Dear Unsure,
You called it right. It's hindering -- big time. Despite her best intentions, your wife is teaching your son a lesson on how to be a slacker and a cheater. Ask her how she imagines this playing out long term. Does she plan to sit beside him and whisper the answers to him when he takes his SATs? Does she plan to go to college with him and read to him in his dorm? Tell her to rein it in. If your son needs a boost, find a tutor.
Question
My fiancé and I are planning our wedding. He supports my wish for the rehearsal dinner and reception to be vegan. But my future mother-in-law is going nonstop about how people won't like it. She is trying to take control of the catering. How can I keep my relationship with her and still stand up for my beliefs about saving animals?
-- Bewildered Bride
Dear Bewildered,
Welcome to the land of extended families. It's compromise time. You've made your point about saving the animals; she's rejected it. Let Momma Carnivore set the menu for the rehearsal dinner (the traditional responsibility of the groom's family), and you plan the reception (the bride's traditional responsibility). One note about hostessing and the vegan thing: The food better taste good. Folks are tolerant of others' food beliefs until they are obliged to sample three courses of variously spiced cardboard.
Question
I'm 13 years old. I'm a cutter. When I cut myself, I'm usually upset or depressed. I like cutting myself, but I also know it's not good for me. I'm scared my family is going to find out. My closest friends are the only ones who know about my problem. I want to stop cutting, but I don't know how to. Please help me.
-- Confused and Hurting
Dear Hurting,
Recognizing that you have a problem was your first step to recovery. Self-cutting is not an innocent pastime, nor is it just some shameful idiosyncrasy. It is a very serious problem that needs immediate attention from a mental health professional. Please tell your parents or your school counselor -- now. If you find it too difficult to speak to them directly, ask one of your friends to do it. You need to sound the alarm and get help before you really get hurt.
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