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StumbleUponInvolved in a family feud, or successfully ended one? Email Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.
Question
My mother-in-law minds everybody's business but her own. Right now she's homing in on my son's upcoming marriage like a heat-seeking missile. Nothing is right, especially his fiancée. I'm sick of her snide remarks and interference. How can I make her stop?
-- Going Nuts
Dear Nuts,
Mothers-in-law need hobbies. This has been true since way before sliced bread was invented. Your job as the daughter-in-law is to see to it that you and your family do not become this woman's hobby. Sounds to me as if you've already lost a little ground on that front, especially now that Mom is targeting the upcoming nuptials. But there's hope! Its name is "Husband." Sit the big boy down. Ask him to intervene. He knows how. He's had a lifetime of practice. Smile on the sidelines and offer hints on hobbies: Get her some jogging shoes, scrapbooking lessons, fishing gear or some knitting needles and a really big ball of yarn.
Question
We're retired and live comfortably on modest means. My husband has always wanted a boat. He shops and dreams about it every day. But I'm worried a boat will drain our savings. He is a dear, sweet, unselfish man who has worked hard all his life and has always given me everything I asked for. Should I return the favor and let him enjoy his dream, or should I stress the financial risk?
-- Co-captains
Dear Co,
Listen up, matey. Although there are certain risks, financial and otherwise, in buying a boat, the dangers of forsaking a lifelong dream are positively lethal. Anchors aweigh!
Question
Whenever our boss is out, two co-workers take off, leaving just two of us to handle all the work. Sometimes their clients show up for scheduled meetings and we have to calm them down and make excuses. They're senior to us. What can we do?
-- Stumped
Dear Stumped,
You, my friend, are stuck between a hard place and two rock heads. Snitching to the boss usually backfires, because you're under the thumb of the slackers. And if you stop covering for these dopes and let their clients know of their irresponsible behavior, you could be blamed for hurting the business. So go look in the mirror and repeat after me: "Life isn't fair." And get back to work. Pretty soon the chief will figure out what's going on.
Question
My mom died in 2002. I have 7 brothers and sisters. At 15 I'm the oldest, and I take care of them. I never ask for anything from my stepfather because he's overloaded too. I try hard at school, but I'm too stressed to focus. I hardly talk in class. I think about my mom, homework, dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning and studying. I've never been to a football game, a school party or anything fun. I have no real friends. What can I do?
-- Cinderella
Dear Cinderella,
This glass slipper doesn't fit. You're a kid. You cannot be performing these adult roles, despite your generous and courageous willingness to leap into the breach. Talk to your stepfather about how overwhelmed you feel. Do it immediately. If he does not help, ask your aunts, your uncles, your grand-parents, your preacher, your neighbor... Keep asking until you find a strong and caring adult to take over and let you get on with your own growing up.
Question
I have a friend who seems to be threatening to kill himself. His wife left him, and he is raising a child on his own. He is funny, kind, and always makes others feel better. But he hasn't dated in ten years and says things like, "I refuse to get old," or "I will raise my kid and then I am done." He talks about donating his body to science, saying, maybe they can use his heart for someone who needs it. Is there anything I can do?
-- Scared
Dear Scared,
Your friend sounds miserable. While the evidence you've supplied doesn't confirm suicidal tendencies, the only way to know for sure is to ask. Don't be afraid of sounding blunt: "Look, I'm worried about you. Are you considering taking your own life?" People don't lie when answering that question. If he says yes, seek immediate professional help for him. If, as I suspect, he says no, start cheering him up. Tell him you care about him, and find him funny, kind and compassionate to others. It can make a world of difference.
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