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Question
There's a guy in my office who always comes around whining about how overworked he is, wasting everybody's time. So another guy and I developed a code. Now when the talker comes around I fire off an e-mail to my friend that says, "RC," a code for "Rescue Call." My friend phones a minute later, allowing me to excuse myself. Got other suggestions to stop someone bugging you?
-- Busy Guy
Dear Busy,
The "RC" trick is brilliant! Better than excusing yourself to go to a meeting or the rest room. But if your ploy stops working one day, a frank, face-to-face discussion with your co-worker is the only way to "debug" your office for good.
Question
My husband and I lost our oldest son six years ago. For about three years I was in a fog. We did not make love during that entire time. Now, I'm beginning to return to the world I knew, but when I try to cuddle with my husband, he pulls away. What can I do to get my life and my husband back?
-- Lonely
Dear Lonely,
My deep condolences for your unimaginable heartache. Losing a child is an enormous strain on a couple's life. Don't blame yourself for time that's gone; be glad you're emerging from the fog. But realize your husband may still feel rejected or be lost at sea. Talk to him. Bring in a professional grief counselor. Most importantly, look in his eyes and tell him you love him and you miss him and you'll wait for him.
Question
I have a good friend who's a foodaholic. When the front door opens, he heads for my fridge and eats whatever is in sight. He weighs over 250 pounds. I never raid his kitchen. I have told him his behavior bothers me, but he laughs it off. What can I do to keep from getting angry each time?
-- Buffet Buddy
Dear Bud,
Imagine if your friend was an alcoholic instead. Would you keep the booze where he could so readily get to it when he comes to visit? Slip your friend an article about the effects of obesity on heart disease and diabetes and then post a "Family Members Only" sign on the door of the fridge.
Question
Since I started working and went out on my own, I share a house and one bathroom with two 18-year-old boys. The living room is a disaster, the kitchen a nuclear-waste dump. One guy works as a landscaper and the other is just always dirty. Every time I get into the shower it's a mess! There is dirt caked all over and hair everywhere. I've tried asking them to wipe the shower out when they are finished, but it never happens. What can I do to get them to clean up?
-- Grossed Out
Dear Grossed,
Sounds to me as if you're living with a bunch of ill-behaved puppies. Why spend your time and energy house-training them, when you can simply move? Go find some roomies who know how to bathe. Better yet, get a one-bedroom apartment and a cat.
Question
I have been in a relationship with a guy who was my high school sweetheart. We've now been engaged for seven years. But every time we set a wedding date, he changes his mind and backs out. I am going to be 30 this year, and I feel like I'm being used as his security blanket. Should I keep hoping and holding on?
-- At the End of My Rope
Dear Rope,
If you're really at the end of it, let go. And enjoy the fall. The landing will be softer than you think. You deserve and will find better.
Question
I know family feuds are as common as reality TV shows. But mine is special. My husband's relative dislikes me, but loves my kids. She sends them cards, gifts and declarations of love -- almost as if she's trying to turn them against me. She gossips about me in the family. This is so painful. What can I do to stop a family feud?
-- The Real McCoy
Dear McCoy,
Common or not, you have to bring the conflict to a conclusion. If this person is behaving maliciously toward you, first you have to confront her -- ask her to air her grievances against you and give you a chance to respond. If she refuses to do this, then tell her you have no choice but to cut off all contact with her -- and forbid her to contact your children. Kids must be protected from snakes in the grass.
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