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Question
My father-in-law calls my son, 6, his favorite. This really hurts my daughter, 8. For years she's tried to win his affection -- he just doesn't notice. My husband has mentioned the problem to him, but he blows it off. How can I get him to change?
-- So Sad
Dear Sad,
Grammar rule No. 1: Parents and grandparents may not use favorite as an adjective applied to kids. Your father-in-law's inappropriate word usage implies a Little Count Can-Do-No-Wrong and Miss No Account. This can't be tolerated. Tell hubby it's time to have a real sit-down grammar lesson with his dad. No home visits until he does his homework and passes the test. A grandparent's job is to love all the grandchildren -- period.
Question
My best friend got engaged four months ago and I haven't seen her since. I didn't do or say anything to offend her, but we haven't even talked for three months. I send e-mails; she doesn't respond. Should I confront her and ask why she's avoiding me?
-- Miffed
Dear Miffed,
Woe is the girlfriend of a woman in her butterfly bridal stage! Chances are your friend is deep into the princess thing -- picking flowers and choosing flatware. Her silence has little to do with you. I'd advise against confronting her. It'll just evoke a defensive reaction. Instead, call her, tell her you miss her, and suggest getting together. Bring along bride magazines to show your support of this exciting time in her life.
Question
I've stuttered since the second grade. My parents acted like it was my fault and never got me help. Kids made fun of me. For years, I struggled with depression. Even now, in medical school, I find it hard to face the public. I blame my parents. They've apologized, and explained they didn't know what to do, but I'm still bitter and can't forgive them.
-- Struggling
Dear Struggling,
Your parents messed up. But now you need to decide if you want a life of bitterness, or to be set free. Stuttering happens with or without inept parents. Aristotle, Isaac Newton, Marilyn Monroe, Winston Churchill and John Stossel were all stutterers. Consider joining their club rather than the whiners who can't get past lousy childhoods. Forgiveness is the path to healing.
Question
When he lost his business, my son stopped coming to family parties where gifts were exchanged. He says he can't afford it and doesn't want to be a freeloader. How can I get him to come? His kids are the only young ones in our family, and we all want them to get presents and have fun.
-- A Giving Mom
Dear Giving,
Send a check to him privately and show confidence that he'll get back on his feet. Then throw a "no presents" party for the whole family.
Question
I'm in sixth grade. My two best friends (girls) started cursing. They never used to, because their parents said it's wrong, just like mine. But now when we go to the pool or bowling, or when our parents aren't around, it's like they think it's the coolest thing to curse. I don't say anything to them about it, but I know they think I'm "so naive." I feel like I have to say bad words to fit in. I know they curse in the movies and stuff, but I don't feel right about it.
-- Not a Cool Kid
Dear Really Cool Kid,
Profanity is pollution -- word trash that spoils the environment. Don't play their game just because your friends have turned into potty mouths. At your age, girls want to show how grown-up they are and try a lot of stuff. This is one of the imitation "adult" things that really isn't adult at all. Hopefully, your friends will get this experiment out of their systems. Meanwhile, show them an example of real maturity -- keep it clean.
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