Ask Laskas: Bringing Baked Goods to Work

You've got questions. She's got answers.

Questions about pets, parents, partners, or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
Am I wrong, or is it always the women who bring Friday snacks and birthday treats to the office? (Not to mention wedding wishes and surprise showers.) Even the execs belly up to the brownies that the assistants bring in. How can we get the guys to contribute?
-- Bummed-Out Baker

Dear Bummed,
Is this really a strategic skirmish in the battle of the sexes? Must the men of America be deprived of chocolate-chunk cookies? And ever notice there are only certain women who like to bring treats -- while the rest of us just eat? Some people like to arrange office softball teams, some organize outings. I think anyone who enhances the work environment should be encouraged and thanked. But if you truly feel put upon, how about setting up a "baked goods" donation cup? Now, bring on those brownies!

Question
What can I do about mean neighbors? Their bigger kids bully mine. I called the school and this only made matters worse. The intimidation increased. They've thrown trash over the fence and even threatened to shoot my dog when he barks. I'm scared, and I can't afford to move. Is there help out there?
-- Desperate

Dear Desperate,
First, have you tried to sit down and talk with the family? If you just can't at this point, then check with neighbors. Baddies usually have run-ins with everyone. Call a meeting and compare notes. There's safety in numbers! If you really feel threatened, call the cops. And an attorney could advise you about other remedies available in your community.

Question
My father-in-law is on a weird kick. When I come over, he orders his wife around as if to show me who's the boss. It bugs me. He only does this to get attention. What can be done without causing a problem between us?
-- A Low-Key Kinda guy

Dear Low-Key,
Do a favor for your mother-in-law: Tell the "boss" you're not impressed with his wife-management skills. (Ask him if he'd like to see you treat his daughter the same way!) If that's too confrontational, just excuse yourself, say you'll come back when things have settled down and walk out the door.

Question
Bills freak my father out. He gets depressed, then angry with Mom. I wake up many mornings with him yelling and her crying. Every time it happens, I get sick to my stomach worrying about divorce. How can I help?
-- Terrified Teen

Dear Terrified,
I'm glad you wrote. You need help -- so do your parents. Whether as a result of alcohol, financial stress, or anything else, a parent's slipping in and out of "normal" is no way to create a healthy home environment for a kid. If you can't broach this subject with your parents, talk to your grandparents or a family friend, and tell them you are frightened by your father's outbursts. Don't be shy, and don't delay.

Question
Two months ago a former co-worker passed away. I procrastinated and didn't send a sympathy card. Is it appropriate to mail one two months late? I don't want to bring up sadness. Would a friendship card or a "thinking of you" card be more appropriate?
-- Slowpoke

Dear Slow,
It doesn't matter what kind of card it is. Just send it. It's never too late for someone to hear that a loved one was loved by yet one more person. A simple note can mean so much to those left behind.

Question
My younger sister is a high school freshman. She has no friends. All she does is eat, watch violent Japanese cartoons on DVDs, and chat with strangers on the Internet. What can I do to help her feel better and improve her high school experience?
-- Big Brother

Dear Bro,
Good for you for being such a caring big brother. Now go get the checkerboard or a deck of cards and insist that your sister play a game with you. Just one. Do it again the next day. Next, lure her outdoors with the promise of ice cream after a short bike ride. If playful ploys don't work, your sister may be clinically depressed. Then you need to sound an alarm for your parents and seek advice of a doctor who can recommend medical treatment or counseling to help her rediscover companionship, a better sense of herself and a more active life.

From Reader's Digest - March 2005

 

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