Ask Laskas: Sweet Revenge?

You've got questions. She's got answers.

By Jeanne Marie Laskas

From Reader's Digest

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Feeling grumpy? Got a problem? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at: advice@rd.com. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
I got a great job with a new company. Now I'm a customer to my former boss, who worked me like a dog and treated me like dirt. He needs my business more than I need his product. I'm tempted to freeze him out. They say revenge is a dish best served cold. What do you say?
-- Ice Man

Dear Ice,
Chill out. All the energy you'd use getting even is just going to take away from heating up your performance at your new job. Impressing any new boss involves keeping your cool. No one wants an employee who can't let go of an old gripe. Revenge, I say, is a dish better dumped in the garbage disposal -- stale, stinky, a waste of time.

Question
We have an older neighbor who drops by to visit -- three or four times a day. Birthdays, national holidays, even Christmas and Easter. As you may imagine, this cuts into quality family time. How can we break the cycle, without breaking a kindly woman's heart?
-- Revolving Door

Dear Revolving,
The poor soul! She's desperately lonely and has adopted you. See if she has any family nearby and alert them to her neediness. Look into local senior citizen centers and encourage her to join and sign up for activities. Help her broaden her world so it is bigger than your living room. Tell her gently that your family needs time together. Make a gift of an engagement calendar, and then schedule "special visits" with her.

Question
For four years my mom's been getting calls from a mystery man. When he phones, she goes in another room and then lies about who's been calling. Two years ago my dad found out and they went to a counselor. They even went on a second honeymoon. That worked for about two months; then the calls started up again. I am scared this will end up in divorce.
-- Troubled Teen

Dear Troubled,
Of course you're scared. Divorce rocks a family's world. I urge you to do two things: Talk to your parents about your fears. Good communication can make a difference during any trauma. Second, talk to a counselor at school or church. They guide kids just like you through all kinds of storms on the home front.

Question
I'm an operator for an answering service that deals with truckers. Most of them are great, but a few get vulgar and make inappropriate comments. The women in our work pool have talked to our boss about politely telling these guys to bug off. He's afraid we'll alienate clients and says if we talk back, it'll be a mark on our record. He says grin and bear it. Should we?
-- Voice on the Line Crying in the Wilderness

Dear Voice,
There are federal and state laws against unwelcome sexual comments at work. It's called "sexual harassment," and your boss is out of line threatening you with reprisals for complaining. Go back to him with a group of co-workers, and tell him that perhaps you were unclear when you complained about the vulgar bozos. Politely offer to help him confront his problem of noncompliance with labor laws.

Question
Recently I found out that my older brother, who is the executor of my sister's estate, is receiving income from one of her investments. The estate was closed in 1999 and all the assets were supposed to have been distributed among the heirs. How should I approach him about this? No lawyer was involved. I don't want to offend him or get him in trouble with the family or the law.
-- Caring Brother

Dear Caring,
Ask him about the mysterious income directly, openly, and with the request that he respond in kind. If he doesn't, or if he plays the "I'm offended!" card, it's time to cash in your kindness chips and call that lawyer.

Question
I like to travel. My wife likes to stay at home -- unless her brother or sister suggests a trip. Then she's ready to fly, cruise or go on safari. I don't like traveling with them, which has led to some heated discussions. What's the solution?
-- Travel Bug

Dear Bug,
Good spouses don't always make good travel companions. Sounds like your wife has anchored herself for a reason. Maybe you're too adventurous for her. Maybe travel with you stresses her out. Ask her. Learn how to make a trip fun for her -- or learn to travel with her siblings. (And if you have bigger issues with them than travel, you might want to work on those first.)