Rude Husband

You've got questions. She's got answers.

Questions about parents, partners or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at: advice@rd.com. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
At social gatherings, my husband never introduces me to the person he's talking to. I stand around like a statue, and he ignores me. I've complained about this many times, and he says I'm just being sensitive. I say it's rude. He says it's impolite to interrupt the person talking to him. What do you say?
-- Silently Burning

Dear Burning,
It's rude, and he's being a dope. But don't hold your breath waiting for him to see the light -- and don't stand there like a stone. Stick your hand out and introduce yourself. Move along to other circles, and make new acquaintances. If your husband wanders over after his gab session, stop everything and introduce him. Lead by example!



Question
I work in an office where the partners hire pretty girls who simply don't have the skills. The rest of us get their stuff tossed at us to complete. One Monday a partner yelled at me because my cubicle was stacked with unfinished work. Right. Because I spent Friday doing an urgent job Gorgeous had no idea how to handle. Under the circumstances, what can I do?
-- A Real Worker

Dear Real,
Hard to believe that in this day and age Gorgeous is still getting a free ride, isn't it? Welcome to life, unfair as ever. You have a legitimate gripe, so go ahead and complain to your boss. Ask that your duties be put in writing. Do your job and do it well, but don't expect the culture to magically change. If you can't stand to work in an environment where a premium is on looks, find another place to work -- but not Hollywood.



Question
My sister-in-law and her husband borrowed several thousand dollars from us for a car and a new apartment. They promised to pay us back after they got settled. They've been settled now three years and have moved into a house. Every time my husband confronts his sister, she starts crying and screaming, and he backs off. What recourse do I have?
-- Taken

Dear Taken,
If your husband can't talk with his sister, maybe he should put the facts down in a letter. Or you could meet with her husband and clear the air. Remind him of your agreement, and suggest a repayment schedule. If this doesn't work, it may be time to write off the debt as tuition in the school of hard knocks -- and leave lending to the banks.



Question
My daughter has had this friend since kindergarten. We've met the father once, but have only talked on the phone with the mother. The friend keeps inviting my daughter for sleepovers, but I'm uneasy. We barely know these people and have no idea what their values are. How do I tactfully explain we need to know them better before sending my daughter to their home?
-- Cautious

Dear Cautious,
This isn't about tact. It's about good parenting. Tell these folks exactly how you feel. If they resist the idea of getting to know you better before you entrust your child to them, well, perhaps your fears were justified. If they agree, and after you've met them, volunteer to hold the first round of sleepovers. Then, only when you're ready, let your daughter go.



Question
My boyfriend and I argue over the phrase "Till death do us part." He believes it's absolute. I believe people change and there are situations when a marriage must end. When I won't agree with him, he begins to doubt me. This has opened a fissure between us. How can we bridge the gap?
-- Lady Crevasse

Dear Crevasse,
I'm with him. I believe if you go into marriage thinking that it should last only as long as it lasts, you're setting yourself up for failure. I feel commitment to a relationship is an absolute. But I'm not marrying him, you are. If you two see this contract in fundamentally different ways, do not walk down the aisle until you reach agreement. This issue is too big to ignore.



Question
My wife's son, 35, was fired from his last job and moved in with us. He's drawing unemployment and isn't looking for work. His daily routine: get up, watch TV, eat and chain-smoke. I've told him about places that are hiring, but he doesn't go. What's wrong? --Stumped

Dear Stumped,
What you and your wife are doing is called "enabling." At 35, he should survive a little tough love. Tell Sonny he has six weeks to get on his feet; then give him the boot.

From Reader's Digest - July 2006

 

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