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Sibling Etiquette and Lack of Communication
QuestionMy sister is an actress, but at 41, she works mostly in restaurants and barely makes ends meet. I give her money sometimes. She's so thankful but hates taking it. She's always been a sweet, upbeat person, but now she's depressed and feels her beauty is fading. Should I stop the money and insist she start plan B: another career to support herself and start saving?
-- Solid Sister
Dear Sis,
Just listen and continue to be the loving, supportive sister you've been. If her dream is dying a natural death, grieve with her, and when she's ready for plan B, help her brainstorm and map a new career. Never squash anyone's dream. Most people awaken on their own -- to new possibilities.
Question
We've been married for two years and used to have a pretty good sex life for people in their 40s. But lately, my husband's kisses are cold. He rarely touches me, and we go months without intimacy. I'm a roommate who cooks, not a wife. We spend entire evenings together, and he won't say one word to me unless I ask a question. I feel like a big lot of nothing. What can I do?
-- Neglected
Dear Neglected,
Even roommates talk to each other. It sounds like more than magic has left your marriage. Joy and friendship are gone, and anger and resentment have arrived. He's withdrawn, and you're unhappy. It's time for a serious conversation about what is and isn't going on between you two and where you're headed: to a counselor, I hope.
Question of the Month
Seven years ago, my brother died. His wife is getting remarried, and my mother insists someone from our family attend the wedding. Mom's too emotional to go but wants me to instead. I said no -- I was never close to the wife, and there are no kids. Mom is making me feel guilty. What's the etiquette here?
-- Wedding Wary
Dear Wary,
This isn't an etiquette question. There is no rule requiring that someone from your family attend. If your mother feels a need to go, that's her prerogative. But she can't use a substitute. Remind her that you're still healing, too, and tell her working the guilt angle is unfair.
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