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Question of the Month
QuestionI've been noticing obituaries asking for contributions to "education funds" for the deceased's kids or grandkids in lieu of flowers. I know college is expensive, but donations used to be given to churches or charities. Seems to me like trying to profit from death. Agree?
-- Confused
Dear Confused,
I can see why you feel it hits the wrong note: "Help me pay for college." But the aftermath of loss is so difficult and confusing that I'm always willing to suspend judgment about any lack of grace displayed by people, especially if the death is of a young parent and there is financial hardship.
Question
Why do men cheat? My husband is a good provider, but he has flings, four I know of. I hate him for a while, then begin to trust him again. We've been married for years. I can't start over, but I'm having panic attacks about his latest affair. Should I forgive him?
-- Love's Fool
Dear Fool,
Maybe you're foolish, but you at least want what you can't have. This man has proved that his philandering will not stop. Forgiveness may be good for the soul, but what you've been getting is what you'll get. If you can find a way to live with that fact, and if you enjoy being married to him despite his "flings," save yourself the bother of trusting his promises and then being disillusioned by his transgressions. If you can't tolerate them, see a lawyer.
Question of the Month
I'm a high school senior and have never known my real father. Now I want to meet him. My mother won't give me any information and disapproves of my trying to find him. All I know is his first and last name. I've tried online searches, but they turned up zero. How can I find him?
-- Looking
Dear Looking,
There are Web services that can help you find someone, but first talk to your mother in depth. Tell her why it's so important for you to meet your father, and ask why she's so opposed. Perhaps she's trying to protect you from something, even worried about your safety. Maybe she just holds a grudge. Whatever her story, that much of the history belongs to you. Only after learning it should you risk embarking on this journey.
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