Ask Laskas: Friend Diets Too Much

Learn how to discuss weight with your friends.

Questions about partners, parents, or politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at: advice@rd.com. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
I'm 14 and I have a friend who might be anorexic. We've known each other for about four or five years. Nobody ever told me what to do in this sort of situation, and I'm concerned. I want to help, but don't know how. What should I do?
-- Trying to Be a Friend

Dear Trying,
It's great you're paying attention to a friend who may be in serious trouble. Without showing alarm or giving advice, try to see how she feels about her weight and dieting. And if she seems to have problems, please turn your concerns over to a parent, a teacher or another adult you trust. Responsible grownups are like ambulances; they come when called and know where to take your friends for help.

Question
My wife has two grandchildren whom she rarely gets to see. Her daughter remarried, and the new husband is trying to alienate the kids from our family, only allowing them to interact with his family. Is there any way to handle this problem other than to sue for grandparents' rights?
-- Looking for a Lawyer

Dear Looking,
If you like tossing hand grenades, throw a lawyer into the middle of a family conflict -- and prepare for war. I highly recommend giving peace a chance. What you are describing here is a rift between your wife and her daughter that is getting played out through the kids and blamed on the husband. Your wife and stepdaughter need a good heart-to-heart, with no kids or husbands around. What can you do? Think pedicure. Surprise these women with an appointment at a day spa. Insist on it. Drive them if you have to. Then let them take it from there. Much forgiveness can happen while feet soak happily.

Question
My 20-something daughter is very pretty (gorgeous, in fact) and always gets treated better (by men) than "average" people. For example, she had a flat tire and went to a shop for a new one. She got the tire and the alignment free. Once she was getting gas and another customer (male of course) bought it for her. I tell her it is wrong to take advantage of her good looks, but she says if men want to do things for her because she is pretty, she'll let them; she's not twisting their arms. What do you think?
-- Proud Mom

Dear Proud,
Flirting is cute, manipulation is cruel and exploitation is downright ugly. Does Beauty Queen know she's on a downward spiral? If she cares about maintaining her beauty and her dignity, she needs to stop taking free stuff from drooling men. Remind her that nothing in life is free.

Question
What do you do with a neighbor who doesn't care about her property? She leaves junk outside, doesn't ever paint the house and her lawn is a real mess. The rest of us work hard to have presentable homes that are attractive to the community. This person's neglect is bringing down our property values.
-- Depreciating Neighbor

Dear Depreciating,
There are so many possible reasons for your neighbor's neglect. Perhaps she is an idiosyncratic millionairess; maybe she's physically unable to do the work and can't afford to pay someone to do it; perhaps she likes her home the way it is. I'm afraid the best you and your neighbors can do is go to her, share your concerns about what effect she's having on your properties and -- you may not like this! -- offer to clean up her yard.

Question
My husband is patient, lovable and caring. He packs my lunch each day with a handwritten love note, changes the kitty litter, mows the lawn, etc. But he's a slob. When he packs my lunch, he uses a paper towel to wipe his hands, then wads it up and tosses it on the counter. It'll sit there forever. When he brushes his teeth, he spits all over the spigot. He loves to read the newspaper, but throws it on the couch and it lies there for a week. I'm no Suzie Homemaker, but I'm not his mother, either. How can I get him to clean up after himself?
-- HELP!!!!

Dear HELP!!!!
You want help? Most women would love to have your husband. How about this? While hubby is packing your lunch, composing handwritten love notes, mowing the lawn and cleaning the litter box, why don't you pick up the newspapers, wipe the counters and then leave him a note telling him what a treasure he is. On behalf of women everywhere, embrace this man!

From Reader's Digest - January 2004

 

• • Friendship
• • Parenting Teens
• Ask Laskas
• • Relationships
• • Generation Y
• Marriage
• Family Life

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• Discover how to get everyone to pitch in and get the chores done.
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• Ask Laskas: Sweet Revenge?
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• Who Should Take Care of Mom?
• Our advice columnist tells you when it is necessary to hold a family meeting.
•