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Locked in Loss
QuestionI have always been meticulous about my appearance. Lately, however, when I'm anxious, I pick my nails and cuticles. I've tried to stop but can't. Is this normal? How can I break the habit?
-- Nervous
Dear Nervous,
Stress is normal, and this tic is a fairly common response to stress. It takes 21 days to break a habit, so if you can keep hands off your fingers for just three weeks, you can get out of the groove. Try gloves. Use your fingers in other ways. Calligraphy or knitting not only keep your hands busy, some experts think they activate another part of your brain and take your mind off your troubles.
Question
When my wife isn't at work, she's asleep. I get home at 7 p.m. -- Snoresville. Weekends she has to "catch up from a hectic week." Heck is right. We never go out, never have anyone over. It's beginning to affect me and my work. I'm supposed to entertain. How can I get her to wake up and smell the coffee?
-- Bright-Eyed and Bushy-Tailed
Dear Bushy,
First, take her seriously, and take her to the doctor. Such exhaustion could be a sign of chronic fatigue syndrome -- or depression. If everything checks out okay, maybe you're both in a rut. Then perhaps you need to wake up and make the coffee. Surprise her. Give her a relaxing day on her own at a spa. That may energize her for entertaining.
Question of the Month
My husband says he loves me, but keeps photos of his ex-wife in his wallet and old love letters in his dresser drawer. He gets sad on their anniversary but forgets ours. He's kind to me on a daily basis, but I feel second best. How can I win his heart?
-- Insecure
Dear Insecure,
Your husband is locked in loss and holding on to the past -- and that is making the present sad for him and you. You both might profit from marriage counseling, but start by telling him you want the future to be brighter, and you want to be the one to build it with him. No house has room for two wives.
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