Ask Laskas: Good Work Goes Unnoticed

You've got questions. She's got answers.

Jeanne Marie Laskas
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Jeanne Marie Laskas
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Feeling grumpy? Got a problem? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at: advice@rd.com. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
In my office there are two kinds of workers: the "I-can-do-its" and the "not-my-jobbers." This second bunch blames everyone and everything for their inadequacies. The sad part is the bosses listen to the slackers, and the workers get an extra load dumped on them. Should I start complaining about the loafers so I can get a break?
-- Ms. Get It Done

Dear Done,
Sad to say, the world is made up of "multi-taskers" and "multi-askers." If you really think it will work, lodge a legitimate complaint with your boss -- but don't hold your breath waiting for the groaners to change. It's better to occasionally sing your own praises, rather than broadcast their deficiencies. And be confident: Good work doesn't go unnoticed forever. I predict you'll be promoted, perhaps to a new and more efficient department.

Question
I'm a debt-free person, but my wife's a compulsive shopper. A year after I married her, I discovered she was in debt to banks and credit card companies for over $100,000. Now she's asked me to co-sign a loan to expand her child-care business. How can I get her to see she's putting us at great financial risk?
-- Checkbook Charlie

Dear Charlie,
Remember that part of the vow: "for richer or poorer"? Okay, this is the "poorer" part. Bring out the bills and the bank statement, and tell your bride to wake up and smell the dollar signs. Ask her to bid farewell to her credit cards, drop them in the garbage disposal and flick the switch. As for the loan, you should both consult a business advisor before you sign on the dotted line.

Question
My son, a Marine, has changed since he came home from Afghanistan. He's withdrawn, explosive and drinks heavily. He's had two car accidents. I'm a veteran myself and know what war can do to you, but now my physical health is declining and I can't control him. Sometimes he gets threatening and violent. I'm afraid of him, but I love him and just can't ask him to leave. What can I do?
-- Veteran Dad

Dear Dad,
Your son is in critical need of medical help. His behavior sounds like post traumatic stress disorder. If you can't help, enlist his friends who can. And call the VA, a group with effective ways to assist vets suffering from war experiences. Take action at once. Untreated, your son's condition could end in catastrophe.

Question
I transferred to a new high school. As the newbie, I was left out until I got the highest grade on the first biology test. Now the popular kids think I'm a brain, and want me in their lab group. I knew I was being used, but I joined in since I was lonely. Now, they want my homework. What should I do?
-- Used

Dear Used,
Popularity can come at a price, but it's no excuse to cheat. Offer to help new friends with their homework, but don't give them yours.

Question
My wife and her mother love novelas (Latin TV soap operas). We have young kids, and I object to the sex and shenanigans. My wife says she and her mom have a right to their TV, which they watch all day. Then she wants me to take her to do errands when I get home from work. Who's right and how do I get her to stop?
-- No Latin Lover

Dear Mr. No,
First of all, you need to protect your children. If the programs are inappropriate for young eyes, you have a duty to demand that they be turned off during kids' viewing hours. You must reach an agreement with your wife about this. Then tell her when you're available during the day to go shopping, and let her choose your company versus TV with mom. (Tips: Explain to her that sitting all day watching television will make her and the kids fat. And tell her you'd like some time away just with her. Make it romantic, not a scolding.)

Question of the Month
My husband swears in front of our boys. I don't think this sets a good example, but he says they'll hear it on the playground anyhow. Any strategies for getting him to stop?
-- Prudish Mom

Dear Prudie,
Your husband needs a time-out. Sit him down and explain: Yes, your boys will hear profanity, sexual language and violent threats on the playground. That's why parents must set standards, so kids will grow up to be good citizens rather than bathroom-humor barbarians. Set the rule for all of them: no cursing. Tell them you are doing it for the future of the civilized world!
From Reader's Digest - April 2006
 
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