Break Needed, Pushy Parents and a Daughter in Distress
QuestionLike many working couples, my husband and I rarely go on vacation. When we do, he likes to visit family or old buddies so he can kick back and watch bowl games. But what kind of break is it for me if I have to play the perfect houseguest and be tied to someone else's lifestyle and schedule? What's your opinion?
-- Gimme a Break
Dear Break,
First, I'm prescribing an immediate girls' night out. You need to remember what fun feels like, sister. Breaks are not given so much as gotten. Go get one. Have some innocent fun, and when you get a big enough dose, bring your rejuvenated self to your hubby. Tell him how you define fun. Sit down with him and prepare your next vacation, making a "have fun" to-do list that is equal parts his and hers.
Question
My parents are competitive and put pressure on me and my brother. All their friends have kids going to elite colleges, so they're pushing us to achieve the same. I love my parents, but sometimes they expect too much. I've tried talking to them, but they say I'm goofing off. Any advice?
-- Trophy Daughter
Dear Trophy,
If your parents are competitive, challenge them to a debate. Set up a stage in your home, and lay down some ground rules. Everybody gets three minutes of uninterrupted talking to make his or her case. Each person is allowed two minutes for rebuttal. The topic: Are Mom and Dad pushing us too hard, or are we a couple of slackers? In the debate, score the point that it's not the undergraduate school that counts -- it's a degree from the best graduate school that does. (Not a bad goal to keep in mind.) Mom and Dad will see you in a new light.
Question of the Month
My kids and I have had a hard two years. My wife left and my father died. Now I'm about to marry a wonderful woman, but I've begun to notice changes in my 15- year-old daughter. First, she began to have panic attacks. And lately, it seems she eats barely anything. Her hands and feet are as cold as ice. And she's started to wear her 13-year-old sister's clothes. What's wrong?
-- Worried Sick
Dear Worried,
Good for you for so astutely noticing the warning signs of an eating disorder. You need to get your daughter to her pediatrician at once for a full physical. Tell the doc of your suspicions. You could be saving your daughter's life.




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