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Marriage, Co-Workers and Twenty-Somethings

Questions about pets, parents, partners or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
When we married, my wife and I agreed to keep our finances separate, but twice I've had to pay off her credit card bills -- big time. Now she's in debt again to the tune of $9,000. I told her she has to pitch the plastic. She snapped back that I'm the problem -- I should bring home more money. I'm about ready to call it quits. What can I do?
-- Broke

Dear Broke,
If your wife can't limit her spending and isn't remorseful about the burden she's placing on you, she needs help. A financial planner, yes! And maybe a therapist who can get to the bottom of what is going on between your marriage and her credit cards. She's depleting love, not just capital.

Question
I work in a government facility. For some reason, a co-worker dislikes me. She glares, sneers and shows disgust when she sees me. She'll even change direction if we have to pass in the hall. I've racked my brain trying to think of what I did to warrant her indignation, but am at a loss. I'm getting a bit paranoid about it all. Any suggestions?
-- Worrier

Dear Worrier,
Ignore her. Neither you nor the government can operate on paranoia. Laugh at her nonsense if she pulls some stunt, and get on with the noble work of serving the people.

Question
Whenever I invite my daughter out, she brings a friend. She's 23, works full time and goes to school. I'm glad she has a life and friends, but when they are with us, she talks to them, not me. Sometimes I just want to be alone with her. What can I say?
-- Private Time

Dear Private
Your daughter may not even guess at your feelings. Speak your mind -- and heart. But I think I can assure you her behavior isn't meant cruelly. At 23 it's normal and healthy for a person to pull away from family and seek out others. Think of it this way: She's including you in her circle. The most generous parental act you could perform would be to put your desire for her undivided attention on hold and show her you remain interested in her world. The time will come again when no one else but Mom will do.

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