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Question
I'm 34, married with two kids. My problem is computer gaming. I do it day and night, averaging four hours of sleep. Sometimes I play all night, figuring it's better to stay up than be loopy on just an hour. I can't get control of this, and I don't know where to go for help. Do you?
-- Player
Dear Player,
You have an addiction. For some people, playing video games releases dopamine, a powerful brain chemical that makes you feel good. How to kick the habit? Get rid of the dangerous object. Lock the computer, and give the key to your wife. You'd toss your cigarettes if you were ready to quit, right? Separate yourself from the screen before you ruin your family life, your career and your health. If you can't do it on your own, get help from a mental health professional. And don't look for help online; that would be like an alcoholic going to a bar for advice.
Question
My brother's wife just had triplets. This is such a joy! Yet every time I share the news with friends or co-workers, they ask me if she was on fertility pills. I think this is nosy and rude -- or has society just become so talk-show numbed that you can ask anyone anything?
-- No Show Host
Dear Host,
Yes, it's inappropriate. And yes, our society has become increasingly intrusive and disrespectful of privacy. But don't blame it all on the talk shows -- if we weren't so interested in other people's business, those crude shows wouldn't be as successful. Continue to celebrate and spread the news of your brother and sister-in-law's happiness. And greet unwelcome and impolite questions with stony silence and a shrug. Their fertility history is nobody's business but their own.
Question
I'm a family joke. The joke is that I have a crush on a guy across the road. I don't. My family all think it's hilarious and refer to it all the time. I've asked them to stop, but then they double the teasing. I'm a mature 17, not a giddy kid. What am I supposed to do?
-- Funny Girl
Dear Funny,
Many families think teasing is funny. But when it hurts, it's wrong. Now go look in the mirror. Say, "I am not a joke and neither is my heart." Say this many times until you own it. Then go on out there and say it to your family as many times as necessary until they back off. And if they don't, just keep on saying it to yourself and walk away.
Question
My wife never gets rid of anything. You can barely walk through any room in our house. My son separated from his wife, and now we have all his stuff too. Every table has a pile of junk on it. I'm afraid the whole house is a fire hazard. What can I do to get her to throw things out?
-- Trashman
Dear Trashman,
Live up to your name! Do the throwing. Take charge of a task that she clearly is no good at. Put some things in storage or call a clutter expert to take charge.
Question
My stepson's wife sometimes leaves their eight-year-old home alone for "a short run to the store." That may be an hour or so. I believe by law we should report it. What do you think?
-- The In-Laws
Dear Laws,
I don't know what the child-protection laws in your state are, but I do know that children need care and attention. This child may be able and unafraid, but kids aren't always careful. It also sounds like there is strain in your family relationship. One thing you can do to help the situation and protect your grandchild is offer to baby-sit when Mom needs to step out.
Question of the Month
I work at an amusement park, and my manager steals supplies. She has a catering business on the side, and we've seen her load up her van at the back gates. The big bosses think she is the best thing since buttered bread, and we're all afraid that if we say anything, we'll lose our jobs. What can we do?
-- Righteous
Dear Righteous,
By saying nothing, you become an accomplice to the crime. Be sure you're right. Check the inventory. You must have evidence, not speculation, about what and why things are going out the back gates. Once you know for certain, it's time to go to the bosses and report what you have seen.
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