Underperforming Colleague Wants a Reference (page 2 of 2)

Special Treasures

Question
My husband's parents passed away, and now he's lugging home tons of stuff only a mother could love. And I'm not his mother. When he installed a magazine rack he made in the fourth grade in our living room, I held my tongue. How can I ban the trashy memorabilia without causing pain?
-- Unsentimental

Dear Unsentimental,
Oh, I know it's difficult, but suck it up and embrace the magazine rack. The poor guy just lost his parents. At times like this, some spouses do worse than cling to memories. Consider yourself lucky. Your husband's attachments are important to him, and this bodes well for the union you two have. In time you might be able to "rearrange the furniture," or hand over the den to him for all his special treasures and close the door.

Question
A guy in my office is getting married. To cut costs he's asked co-workers not to bring a guest to the wedding. This seems like poor etiquette to me. The reception is at a fancy country club and he's planning an international honeymoon. Why should I give a gift when I can't bring my wife to the party? Am I out of line?
-- Wedding Smasher

Dear Smasher,
Your colleague should know better. A wedding is not a business dinner. Spouses and significant others should always be included. But some people don't know the rules or simply disregard them. If the choice is between getting your colleague irked or making your spouse feel bad, err on the side of your spouse and decline the invitation.

Question of the Month
I'm a listener. Friends, family, everyone tells me their troubles. People I meet for the first time pour out their life's story. But no one listens to me. If I have an opinion or talk about myself, they yak right over me. It upsets me that I let myself be ignored. What can I do?
-- Quiet Type

Dear Quiet,
I hear you. First, congratulate yourself for being a person others feel they can trust. It's a rare gift. Be proud of it. Now add a second skill: Lure a listener with a question. Try this: "Can you keep a secret?" Or: "Can I trust you with a bit of my own personal story?" Make your listener feel important and you've got him hooked!

From Reader's Digest - September 2006

 

• • Friendship
• • Relationships
• Ask Laskas
• Marriage
• Family Life

• Sister's Parenting Style
• You've got questions. She's got answers.
• 
• Rude Husband
• You've got questions. She's got answers.
• 
• Scared to Tie the Knot
• You've got questions. She's got answers.
• 
• Ask Laskas: Friends Are Moochers
• You've got questions. She's got answers.
• 

“ Use your knuckle to rub your eyes. It's less likely to be contaminated with viruses than your fingertip. ”

• See All Tips