Rebuilding Friendships

You've got questions. She's got answers.

By Jeanne Marie Laskas

From Reader's Digest

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Obligations and Helping Friends

Questions about pets, parents, partners or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
I had an argument with a close friend, and we didn't speak for a year. We reconnected recently, but have never discussed the disagreement. Although she's not the type to rehash things, I like to get them out in the open and settled. Should I just bite my lip, or try to find a way of talking about problems of the past?
-- Reunited

Dear Reunited,
You're rebuilding a relationship with new trust and affection. If there's a bad odor left from the old days, you need to clear the air -- but you don't have to stick your friend's nose in it. Mention the problem, and say, "I'm sorry for my part in that argument." I'll bet she'll say the same and you'll both breathe easier.

Question
Mr. Nice Guy (that's me) got an unemployed buddy a job where I work. He's a funny guy who is constantly mouthing off, but now he gripes all the time about the boss, the work load, the hours. He brings people down and it's reflecting badly on me. What can I do?
-- Bummed

Dear Bummed,
Maybe there was a reason your ol' buddy was out of work. He's taking advantage of you and your employer. Remind him how to act on the job. He owes good effort and goodwill if he accepts the pay. Tell him to shut up or ship out.

Question
My mom put me through college. Now she regrets having spent her inheritance and nags about the money. I'm thankful for what she did, but I have a six-year-old daughter to raise. I believe each parent has an obligation to raise her own kids and the only payoff is that they become self-sufficient. What do you think?
-- The Graduate

Dear Graduate
You say you're thankful, but then dismiss your mom's investment as an "obligation." By today's economic standards, what she did is virtually miraculous. Look around at your fellow grads saddled with crushing student loans. Tell your mom plainly you can't afford to pay her back, and then say, over and over again, how grateful you are. I'm sure the nagging will begin to fade.