Should I Apologize to My Ex?

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Bygones, Bad Employees and Rude People

Questions about pets, parents, partners or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
I just found an e-mail address for my first girlfriend, someone I treated poorly. I'm happily married -- so is she -- and I have no romantic interest in her. It's been years, but my conscience bothers me. Should I write and apologize?
-- Troubled Mind

Dear Troubled,
So you feel guilty -- deal with it without burdening her. Dump this on a priest or a shrink or someone who can help you find resolution. She got over the old you years ago; maybe it's time you did too.

Question
I've been promoted to lead a small department whose employees have goofed off for years: two hours late coming in, tons of sick days, constant carping about the schedule, disappearing during shifts. They think this is normal! Now I'm the bad guy for demanding just normal performance. How can I get the message across?
-- Big Bad Boss

Dear Big Bad,
You've inherited hooligans, not employees. To drive the message home, deliver it in writing, clearly, succinctly. Post a list of performance rules and enforce them. Lead these bums back to the land of the responsibly employed. Get your human resources department behind you. Find out the extent of your authority and whether you have the power to fire repeat offenders. And by all means, lead by example.

Question
At a potluck, one of my guests dumped his salad into the garbage. Then he inspected all my salad dressing bottles and poured them down the sink, saying, "I thought my salad tasted funny. Your dressings have expired." Everyone went quiet. Someone spoke up and said his salad tasted fine, but the dumper wouldn't quit and went on to read the expiration dates out loud. How should I have handled this?
-- Hostess

Dear Hostess,,
The world would be a better place if we all had time to keep our salad dressing up-to-date (don't look in my fridge). This boor's behavior was ridiculous! And you handled it just fine by sitting quietly. Trust me, that silence said everyone was on your side. As for this guy, I'd say his welcome in your house has expired.

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