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Question
My wife's widowed mother had a modest house. Now she says she gambled it away and needs to move in with us. When she was sick a few years ago we took her in, though we really didn't have the means. My wife's four siblings gave some money, but the daily burden and stress was ours. Isn't it somebody else's turn?
-- Reluctant
Dear Reluctant,
Letting your mother-in-law move into your house would be a bad bet, given the fact you're low on chips. Call a family meeting. The first order of business should be getting Slot Machine Mom counseling. She's self-destructing. Then, tell the sibs to decide who will help to take care of her and how. The day-to-day load shouldn't fall just on you.
Question
My sister is a junk-food junkie and way overweight. So is her 12-year-old daughter, who is 5'4" and 170 pounds and shows signs of depression. My niece is very inactive and spends most of her time in her own little world listening to CDs on headphones. I urged my sister to take her to counseling, but she says -- get this -- "I have too much on my plate." Is there anything I can do without meddling?
-- Lo-Cal Auntie
Dear Lo-Cal,
Meddle! You're the aunt! Obesity is a national problem and a personal tragedy. According to the Centers for Disease Control, 16% of America's kids who are your niece's age are obese. You need to do something. First, find a good nutritionist at your local hospital. Next, tell your sister that you don't have too much on your plate, and that you'd like to take your niece to a fitness club or just for a regular walk-and-talk excursion. Make it a fun weekly outing with your niece, topped off with a manicure or anything she really likes to do. She needs you. Don't let her down.
Question
Twice now, two different couples have invited me and my husband for dinner and asked us to remove our shoes at the door. Is this the new "cool thing" socially? It sure was on those unusually cold nights. The hardwood floor was like ice. Should we suffer in silence?
-- Tootsies
Dear Tootsies,
Hosts should always look out for their guests. Which is more important, their floors or your feet? Hosts who don't live in Hawaii and are anti-shoe should provide socks or flip-flops for their guests' comfort. If they don't next time -- BYOS. Chances are, they'll get the idea and start walking in your slippers.
Question
An etiquette question: My son's teacher liked my perfume so I bought her a bottle. It wasn't expensive, but she said "No thanks," saying she thought I gave her too much. For the record, all I ever gave her was a Christmas gift and a trip souvenir. Shouldn't a person just politely accept a gift?
-- Generously Miffed
Dear Miffed,
The school may have rules about gifts because accepting one may result in favoritism. Anyhow, the teacher said "No thanks," so that's the end of it.
Question
When my wife and I go to a party where there's dancing, she leaves me and dances with the best dancer she can find. I feel like a fool sitting around while she has a good time. We've taken lessons together and I no longer have two left feet. Is she flirting or am I just jealous? What should I do?
-- Wallflower
Dear Wallflower,
I don't know if it's flirting, but it certainly is rude. Remind Jittery-Bug that getting dumped on the dance floor is no fun. Ask her if she would really prefer to go to these dance parties without you. If she says yes, then you two need more than dance lessons -- some marriage counseling. If she says no, then get working on your steamiest tango.
Question
I did a self-evaluation recently and I don't like the man I've become. I'm old, fat, obstinate, have no sense of humor and, as they say in kindergarten, I'm hard to play with. Any advice?
-- Old Grumpy
Dear Grumpy,
Wow. Well, at least you're honest. Let's build from there. You may be clinically depressed. It's not uncommon as people age. Go to a doc and find out. There are medications that help. Go on a diet. Exercise. Volunteer. Pray or meditate. Meet old friends for lunch (especially those you've grumped out). Keep all this up for six months and then look in the mirror. If you still see Scrooge staring back at you, repeat application of this advice. But I'll bet you'll see someone you like.
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