How to Deal With a Controlling Spouse

Sometimes love doesn't seem like enough. Our advice columnist tells you what to do then.

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Jeanne Marie Laskas
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Laskas Answers

Questions about pets, parents, partners or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
I used to have a ton of friends—then I got married. My wife can't stand any of my buddies. I've tried to adjust and only hang with our married friends, but I don't get invites to my pals' parties, backyard barbecues or nights out anymore. I love my wife, but I feel horrible not having my old friends around. What can I do?
-- Friendless in My Own Hometown

Dear Friendless,
Not to put too fine a point on it, but your wife is treating you like a dog that only she is allowed to walk. I'm guessing she loves you deeply and wants to keep you close. But she is limiting you in ways that are bad for you and ultimately bad for your marriage. Ask her to lengthen the leash, lest you start seeing her as a restraint to happiness rather than the source of it.

Question
I'm the youngest of three and have always taken care of my parents. Mom is now a widow. I live nearby and am saddled with daily calls, bills, doctors' appointments, everything. Did I mention I have a husband and three kids, go to school and work part-time? My brother retired to Florida. My sister doesn't work but says if my brother won't help, she won't either. How can I get my siblings to pitch in?
-- Tired

Dear Tired,
Sounds like you're stuck being the good child, the one who knows how to love responsibly and give back. You might have to put direct help from your sibs out of your mind, but don't be afraid to ask for their help with the bills or paperwork. In the meantime, enlist the help of friends, church groups and social services to relieve your day-to-day burden.

Question
My co-worker brags all day long. Her husband spoils her with expensive gifts. Her kids get high honors in advanced-placement classes. She takes incredible vacations. She has to top everyone. I've tried to steer conversations to other topics, but she goes on and on. What can be done to shut her up?
-- Ear Full

Dear Ear,
Bragging usually masks insecurity. You can't steer or stop your colleague. The more unappreciated she feels, the more she'll boast. Just agree with her—yes, she has brilliant kids and an amazing marriage—and walk away.

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