My Family Is Ganging Up on Me!

You've got questions, she's got answers.

By Jeanne Marie Laskas

From Reader's Digest

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Laskas Answers

Questions about pets, parents, partners or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
A few months ago, they hired a guy at my level. He’s a classic kiss-up—gets coffee for our two assistant managers, gives them little gifts. That’s his main work ethic; productive he is not. But they’ve made him the third in charge. I’m not jealous, just fed up that he’s bought himself special treatment. What recourse do I have?
-- Burned Up

Dear Burned,
Your bosses are likely onto Mr. Pucker’s scheme. Try some humor to let them all know you’re hip to his tricks. Next time he comes in with lattes, hand him an all-day sucker in front of your superiors. A little shame should go a long way.

Question
My husband's lovable pal is a 34-year-old bum. His license was suspended -- my husband drives him everywhere. When we go out to eat or to the movies, we pay. On weekends they go golfing, a 120-mile round-trip -- no gas money. I tell my husband he's enabling a moocher. Do you agree?
-- Bummed Out

Dear Bummed,
Yeah! But unless your husband is breaking your budget or the law, don’t get into the business of deciding who his pals should be. There’s room for your friends, his friends and couple friends.

Question
A year ago, my parents split. Dad had a drinking problem. Now Mom has taken up with a guy who works in her shop. He’s nice, works hard, helps out around our house and sometimes stays over. Mom says it’s not sexual. I’m going into my senior year, and all of a sudden, I no longer trust men or my mom. Can you reassure me?
-- Twice Shy

Dear Shy,
Dad’s drinking, a divorce, and now Mom’s new sleepover friend—of course you’re mixed-up and distrustful. Take Mom aside and say, “Hey, remember me?” Tell her about your feelings and fears. She’s the grown-up and needs to do the job of guiding you. If she doesn’t, turn to a trusted aunt or another responsible adult who has a healthy marriage.