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Question
A new hire at my husband's company is starting to bug me. She's the cute-young-thing type, and though she's getting a wee bit old for the part, she plays it to the hilt. She clings to my husband and tells him, "You're just like a daddy to me!" Yuck! My guy excuses her, saying she treats all the men that way. I don't consider her an actual threat -- I just feel that her behavior is improper. What do you think?
-- Put Off
Dear Put Off,
Yep, her behavior is inappropriate. And so is your husband's for tolerating (or enjoying) it. Tell Hubby, "This is a scene from a creepy movie." If he doesn't pay attention, ask him how he would feel if the kid who mows your lawn started to sit at your feet and paint your toenails because you're "like a mom to him."
Question
I'm as good a slacker as the next guy, but I have an unusual problem. I work part-time for a big company. Half the time they call me in, there's nothing to do. The phone seldom rings. I shred a little paper or make copies of copies. That's it. Another part-timer shows up for a couple of hours, then leaves to play tennis, so there's not even someone to talk to. What can I do?
-- Thumb Twiddler
Dear Twiddler,
Put that free time to good use. You’re in the perfect position to do the brainstorming companies always wish for and employees never have time for. Find out what the higher-ups want, and work full-time on it. Dream, don’t sleep. Or move on.
Question
I've shared a two-bedroom apartment with another girl for two years. My roommate and I get along well enough, even though she's a busybody. When I noticed that some things on my dresser had been moved, I began to suspect she was snooping while I was out. Finally, I set up a secret webcam to see if I could catch her in the act. Sure enough, when I played back the video, it showed her tiptoeing into and out of my room. At one point, she spotted the cam and turned it off. I feel totally violated and don't know what to do now. Should I show her the evidence and demand an apology, or buy a lock for the bedroom door?
-- Ruffled Roomie
Dear Ruffled,
Sweetheart, listen carefully: When you find yourself setting up a counterespionage mission employing advanced electronic surveillance technology to monitor someone you should be able to trust, it's definitely time to pack up your spyware and move out. She's not right for you, and she's turning you into someone who's not right for you either.
Question
Maybe it's because I come from a dysfunctional family that I'm different from everyone I know. I have zero affection for children. I've been estranged from my son for years. Recently he set up a reunion and brought his kids, trying to patch things up for their sake. Now he wants me to visit. What's the point? He could have rounded up some neighborhood kids and introduced them as his own, and I wouldn't have felt differently. I don't love them and they don't love me, probably don't even like me, so why try to put salve on a scar?
-- Unhealed
Dear Unhealed,
You say you're cold and indifferent, yet you took the time to ask for advice. Maybe you're just afraid. Relationships are a risk, and if you were badly hurt as a child, you may be defensive and cautious. Spend some time with those kids, and see if your emotional needle doesn't move a notch. Your son needs you, his kids need a grandparent, and, I'll bet, under that scar is a person who needs them too.
Question of the Month
My mother-in-law sends me and my kids 20 e-mails a day. Most of them are silly chain letters or jokes, but I consider some of them offensive and biased -- about immigrants not speaking English or racial and religious stereotypes. I'm worried that her values will seep into my children's minds. Am I being an uptight daughter-in-law who should just let it go, or should I confront her?
-- E-mauled
Dear E-mauled,
Does your husband share these ignorant points of view? If so, you have more to worry about than Grandma's influence. If not, share the offensive e-mails and your concerns with him, and ask him to have a little talk with his mother -- or give her a time-out.
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