Normal or Nuts?

Not all quirks are cute, and some may even require professional attention. Here, the expert panel addresses this year's "Am I nuts?" queries.

By William Speed Weed

From Reader's Digest

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Some compulsions are normal and others may be signs of a deeper problem.

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Some compulsions are normal and others may be signs of a deeper problem.

Dear Reader,

Are you too shy? Too pushy? Do you cry too much? Do you cry too little? Do you pull your hair? Other people's hair? Are you afraid of spiders? Or water tanks? Or stuffed animals?

Yes, yes, and yes. You are, dear readers, all these things and more. As the hundreds of letters we got this year prove once again, we are a nation of nutty folk. But not to worry: To be human is to be quirky. If you think there's some group of perfect, "normal" people out there, we've got a glacier in the Arctic we'd like to sell you.

Of course, not all quirks are cute. It's often difficult to know whether a given behavior is harmless or hurtful. The line between silly and serious is vanishingly thin. And so we put your letters before a panel of trusted experts to demonstrate which are merely colorful and which may require professional attention -- to giggle where we can and to guide where we must.

>I don't like talking. I'm afraid people will think that what I say is stupid, even when there's no reason to assume that. I never talk on my cell phone in a public place, because bystanders might think I'm an idiot. Is that nuts?

"You're not at all nuts, but you seem to suffer from low self-esteem and hyper-self-consciousness. This is a form of social anxiety," says Joshua Coleman, PhD, a psychologist and author who practices in San Francisco and Oakland, California.

Three things for you to consider:

1. Chances are, you don't sound stupid most of the time. 2. Even if you do say something idiotic once in a while, so what? Everyone does. 3. Most people are so self-absorbed, they aren't paying as much attention as you think. "I'll bet your self-awareness and sensitivity to what others think make you far less stupid and more thoughtful than most other people," Coleman says, "so speak freely!"

Easier read than said, right? Coleman strongly suggests you look for a therapist; he or she may recommend antianxiety medications.

>I have to use things until they wear out before getting new ones. It took me seven years to use up 14 bottles of nail polish. I should get a new pair of sandals, but my old ones aren't completely worn-out yet, so I'll wait. My friends tell me this is not normal.

Do the old sandals damage your feet? Is there a masochistic "I am not worthy" element to your frugality? If so, you have a psychological issue that needs to be addressed.

But if you value things merely for their utility, then your example may prove something profound: You are normal, and the rest of us, in our mad materialist dash, are, well, mad. As Arthur Gish put it in Beyond the Rat Race, a classic meditation on simplicity, "We buy things we do not need to impress people we do not like."

Most of us buy and waste, waste and buy, at landfill-filling rates that are alarming, if not psychotic. Your thrift, says Nando Pelusi, PhD, a clinical psychologist in New York City, may take asceticism to new levels, "but, who knows," he says, "you just might be saving the planet!"

>I'm afraid to go to high places, like tall bridges or even the balcony at church. And it's not because I'm afraid I'll fall -- it's because I'm afraid I'll jump! I don't want to kill myself, but I do want to experience that sense of flying or floating. Of course, I know I'd go splat and die, so the desire to jump terrifies me. What do I do?

Why not make skydiving a goal? (You may want to start with something closer to the ground, like a diving board.) That's the advice of Mike Wymes, MD, a psychiatrist in private practice in the Bay Area and a former U.S. Army paratrooper. He's not kidding. "It's a unique experience," he says. "You actually experience the flying and floating" you're seeking.

Fear of heights is very common. And lots of people are, like you, more afraid of jumping than falling. For most fears, the treatment is systematic desensitization -- gradual exposure to what you fear. Try visiting increasingly high places, taking comfort in the fact that you're safe. Bring along a friend or therapist, and go up to the third-floor balcony. Stay there until you feel in control. Then try the fifth floor, then the roof. If you do well, you may even develop enough confidence to leap out of an airplane. At least it should help you stop worrying about your impulse to jump.

• • Normal or Nuts
• • Mind & Body

• Post Your Quirky Questions Here!
• Post your questions!
• 
• Normal or Nuts 2006
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• 
• Normal or Nuts 2007
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• 
• The Hoarding Syndrome -- When Clutter Goes Out Of Control
• Saving stuff is normal. Sometimes, though, it can go too far.
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