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Get out of your own wayEveryone has a habit that once served us well but is now just dragging us down. It might not be drink or drugs, but it's an addiction nonetheless. Procrastination is an addiction. So is being defensive. Or refusing to accept responsibility for your mistakes.
My addiction was conflict avoidance. When I was growing up, I learned to give people (Mom, Dad, teachers, coaches) what they wanted, and I was rewarded -- pats on the back, good grades, team captain. But the flip side was that I didn't learn to ask what I, Keith, wanted for myself.
I was unable to say to a friend, "I'd rather not." Or to someone I was dating, "We should end this already." Or to an employee, "John, your performance is not acceptable."
It was only after I diagnosed this behavior that I could enlist friends and supporters to help me change it. They practiced with me on what to say to John and how to say it, paving the way for a productive, and easier, conversation. As a result, John altered his behavior and became a more effective member of the team.
Just as you may not know the negative behavior holding you back, you may be missing the positive trait that can propel you forward. Identifying your strengths is as important as naming your weaknesses because, like it or not, you're guided by these opposing forces.
I always joke that if you can't think of a behavior you want to change, I'm sure your spouse or a trusted friend will have a few ideas. Likewise, they're also the ones who'll tell you what they most admire about you.
What's the point of all this? There are few things that will make you feel as bad as blowing an opportunity because of a self-defeating behavior. Conversely, few things will make you feel as good -- and will gain you the respect of others -- as identifying and overcoming one of them.
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