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Life's Little Etiquette Conundrums
Q: As a college student with a full course load and a part-time job, I understand the value of time. My professors don't always respect mine, however. What's the protocol for dealing with a professor who is consistently late to class and runs over the allotted time? Packing up mid-lecture is rude, but so is ignoring others' schedules.
A: I teach in a university English department, and I'm a blabbermouth whose lectures often run long. Yes, it may seem rude to walk out, but go ahead and act like you have a bus to catch. If you want points, go to the professor during her office hours and explain that you simply can't stay later than the allotted time. Being consistently late to class is utterly inexcusable. Report that violation to the department chair, who should know if his charges are violating their contract.
--Daughter First
A: Your mom's on the B team? That stinks! Good for you for standing up for your mom. But you also need to step back and think of the bride. Is there a money problem? Is it an issue of space? You can't know unless you ask, but do you really want to become part of the problem on her special day? I'd swallow this one. Put your arm around your mom and say "Let's write this off as bride anxiety" and go out together for a nice lunch.
Q: Some of the women in our office wear clothing that reveals their ample cleavage. To me, this is inappropriate business attire. Should I say something or just keep quiet and enjoy the view?
--Eyes Wide Open
A: Cleavage used to be just for soap opera vixens and Hollywood types, but now it's gone mainstream. Do not stare, gawk, or drool. Instead, the next time you find yourself face-to-bosom, force yourself to think vaguely intelligent thoughts like, Well, that must be very empowering in a postfeminist kind of way, and then get back to work.
Q: I've recently met the perfect girl: smart, funny, attractive—you name it. Only she's always coming down on herself for her looks. I tell her that she's beautiful, but she doesn't believe me. What can I do?
--Smitten
A: She believes you—or desperately wants to. She's hardwired to feel ugly and needs a serious bit of inner-beauty reprogramming. It's hard work, but you can do it: Compliment her every four hours. Double the dose if she wears a new outfit. The program takes about six weeks. Try it. You'll be richly rewarded in this life and the next if you help her release her inner ugly girl.
Q: My daughter is 12, and many of her friends' parents leave their kids at home alone—something I'd never do. During a recent slumber party, the parents drove several girls to the movies. Because there weren't enough seat belts for everyone, the kids were forced to share—something else I'd never do. Is it impolite to question parents ahead of time to make sure the kids won't be home alone or sharing seat belts and so on? Whenever I've asked other parents in the past, they've seemed offended.
--Cautious Mom
A: Impolite? It's your job! Any parent who gets offended by such questions is not a parent you want supervising your daughter. Risk embarrassment, risk dignity, risk rejection, but never risk your child's safety.
Q: I have a neighbor who on several occasions has told me private things about other neighbors, and they're always negative. She claims she is very honest, but it just sounds like gossip to me. I try changing the subject, but she always returns. Should I tell her that gossiping and honesty are not the same thing?
--Truth or Consequences
A: Nope, but be assured she is talking about you behind your back, too, so be careful what you say to her. Keep all conversations centered on recipes, lawn care, and pet grooming. Do not stray from these subjects.
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