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Cheating Issues
Questions about pets, parents, partners or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.Question
We just finished exams in an AP class. I did okay. My friend was off the charts. Then I found out that she and some others had the answers. I called her on it, and she blew me off, saying grades are just a game. I want to tell the teacher, but I'm afraid I'll be ostracized. What can I do?
-- Peer Pressure
Dear Pressure,
Congratulations for having the courage to confront a friend—and for playing fair. You won't be ostracized if you tell your teacher anonymously that some kids had the answers. The teacher's next "lesson" might help your friend back onto the straight and narrow. High school has unique social pressures. But you're on the right track for college, where there's usually an honor system that requires students to report cheating when they see it. You might remind your friend of that.
Question
I caught my first husband red-handed fooling around with my best friend. I'd ignored the signs, like "harmless flirting," walking her to her car and taking a half hour to say goodbye. I kicked him out. Last weekend my current husband and I were at a party. Everybody was outside except him and a new neighbor alone in the sunroom. They ignored the hosts, others and me. I was getting that déjà vu feeling in my gut. That's how it started: innocent conversation, hubby being witty, private giggles. Am I overreacting or being smart to see the warning signs?
-- High Anxiety
Dear Anxiety,
You have a right to be sensitive. We all form impressions relying on the past for clues. Surely your new hubby knows your history and your sore spots about infidelity. Sit down with him, being careful not to accuse him of wrongdoing, and tell him your fears. If he can't dispel them, you two need counseling.
Question
My neighbor is a gung ho saleswoman. Every time she calls, it's sell, sell, sell—cosmetics, vitamins, juice, you name it. If she invites you to her house, it turns out to be a sales presentation. Whether you buy or not, a product turns up on your porch with a bill. How can I hide from the huckster without hurting her feelings?
-- Shopworn
Dear Shopworn,
Someone has to stop her. Be the neighborhood hero! First return all unordered goods to her porch with a note to "Customer Service" saying "Did Not Order." Then the next time she invites you over, ask plainly if it's for coffee and conversation or a product pitch. Tell her you like her company but don't need the products.
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