When Your Child Hates School (page 2 of 2)

Emotional and Physical Hurdles

Bullies. Students sometimes hate school because they are afraid to attend. If your child seems quiet and anxious, has few school friends or suddenly shows a drop in self-esteem, he may be a victim of a bully.

The common advice for this problem--teach your child to be assertive--isn't always enough. "Even when kids are assertive, the bully often beats them up," Ollendick says. He recommends instead that elementary-school children tell a teacher. In middle school and above, kids should stick with friends and avoid places where the bully hangs out.

If you have to step in, go to the principal, not the bully's parents. To avoid embarrassing your child, be subtle. When Dustin was in kindergarten, two older boys began picking on him at the bus stop. My husband proposed a simple solution: move the bus stop closer to our building so we could keep an eye on the boys. The principal agreed, and the bullying stopped.

Trouble Learning. Some children's school complaints spring from physical problems. For them, "hating school is really frustration at being a step behind, no matter how hard they try," says psychologist Harvey Mandel, co-author of Could Do Better: Why Children Underachieve and What to Do About It.

One Colorado third-grader was still unable to read despite being tutored. When told to do his homework, he'd whine that his eyes were blurry and his head hurt. Optometrist Lynn Fishman Hellerstein found that although the boy had 20/20 vision, he was having trouble focusing his eyes. "With glasses and vision therapy, he became an eager learner," Hellerstein says.

Vision problems are surprisingly common, so parents need to be sensitive to signs of trouble. While reading, does your child cover an eye, tilt her head or lose her place? Does she hold books closer than the distance from her elbow to her knuckles? Does she complain of itchy eyes, headaches or nausea after detailed work? If so, get her a complete vision exam that includes evaluations of eye-movement control, focusing, depth perception and other skills.

Some reluctant students may not hear the teacher. Schedule an appointment with an audiologist if your child has trouble learning letter sounds (particularly short vowels, such as "u" and "o"); confuses similar-sounding words (such as "on" and "in," or "to" and "through"); or asks questions that have already been answered.

Kids with learning disabilities often get frustrated, fail to finish assignments or appear to ignore the teacher. They may be unable to remember simple facts, such as their phone number, the alphabet or details of a story they've just heard. If you suspect your child has a learning disability, ask the teachers about having an evaluation by the school psychologist, Martin and Waltman-Greenwood suggest.

Poor Chemistry With a Teacher. What if your child constantly complains that a teacher is "unfair" or "mean"? Sometimes the solution is simple. "Having the teacher and child sit down for lunch together can often improve the relationship," observes Carole Kennedy, former president of the National Association of Elementary School Principals.

Other times, more drastic action is needed. Shortly after entering second grade, our daughter Erin began coming home depressed. Her new teacher was a strict disciplinarian. Once, she berated a child to the point of tears when he misread a word aloud. Erin was convinced she would be next.

My husband and I made a list of incidents Erin had described and spoke to the teacher. When she confirmed her actions, we immediately asked the principal to move Erin to another class. Soon Erin had a new teacher--and a new outlook on school.

Remember, kids know how to play a parent against a teacher. So if your child tells you a horror story about school, don't automatically assume you're getting the whole truth. Talk with the teacher, principal or guidance counselor. Once you identify why your child hates school, you can almost always find a solution.

From Reader's Digest - September 1997

 

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• Back-to-School Safety Tips
• You can help protect your children from the most frequent kinds of school-related injuries by following these practical, proven tips.
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• Before Your Child Goes Back to School
• A checklist of the most important things to remember for your child's new school year.
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• Countdown to Preschool
• Your child may be registered for preschool, but is he ready?
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• Secrets of Straight-A Students
• Education experts and students reveal the secrets of maintaining high grades.
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• The Home-School Connection
• Strategies for developing a home life that will help your child succeed in school.
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• The Ultimate Off-to-College Checklist
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• What Teachers Want Your Child to Know
• The social and emotional development milestones teachers expect of children.
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• Virginia Cervasio: Making It Matter
• PLUS:
• Quiz: What's Your Celebrity Cause IQ?