How to cope with common shopping stressors:
1. Tune out noise. Carry an MP3 player and listen to calming songs to drown out screaming kids and background music.
2. Be nice to your feet. Skip heels and slip into your workout shoes for a long trek around the mall.
3. Come clean.</strong The last thing you need is a cold. Keep germs at bay by carrying hand sanitizer for times when you can’t easily wash up.
4. Watch your back. Don’t pull a muscle lugging hefty bags. Ask if the shopping center has locked storage, or make mini trips to the car.
5. Stay cool. Mall air can be overheated, so leave coats in the car.
6. Beware odor overload. Avoid headaches by steering clear of perfumeries and candle, soap and coffee shops.
7. Shopping online? Take plenty of breaks to avoid eyestrain and wrist problems.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.