Ask Laskas: “Should I let my daughter rock a Metallica shirt?”

 Simply this mother is pure evil

At 16, she is old enough to make decisions (within
reason) on what she wants to wear and then face the consequences of her
decisions.  She has a school dress code
to abide by, but as long as there aren’t any fowl words, holes to display her
underwear, or any obscene pictures on the shirt, is this really a battle you
want to pursue?  Remind her you don’t
approve of the outfit and tell her why instead of just the “because I said so”
stance.  Watch her closely, but don’t
over power her sense of independence or you will push her away.  This has become a power struggle over a t
-shirt. Are you sure that she isn’t using the t-shirt fight to mask something
else?

It’s unfair to allow your son freedoms you deny your daughter. We’re talking about a tee-shirt here. Besides, Metallica is a great band and she’s right to support them.

Wow, this mother is crazy. I’d blow up too. How awful, to tell her daughter that because she’s a girl, she can’t do something that her brother can do? Insane. There is no reason to ban her from wearing any t-shirt unless it features vulgarity. She’s obviously out of touch with what “impression” girls wearing band t-shirts gives these days. It’s not like she’s wearing it to a job interview. I agree with the daughter. Everything about the mother’s stance is sexist and I feel bad that her daughter has to hear that from such an influential figure in her life.

Let her wear it.  You are overreacting. It’s not different for guys than girls. She likes the music, let her wear it. I don’t see any comments so far saying not to. 

Dear Misunderstood,

In this case, your daughter is in the right. Your decision to allow her brother to wear band shirts and her to not is indeed sexist. Is it within your rights as a parent to regulate what your children wear? Of course, but your reasons aren’t necessarily holding water, and they certainly won’t be vaid to your daughter. Nowadays, it is considered acceptable for girls to be interested in metal bands, to wear t-shirts, and yes! To wear metal band T-shirts.

Now, I’m not saying you should revoke all rights to moniter her wardrobe. If she wants to wear a band shirt that promotes things you don’t think are appropriate (sex, drugs, alcohol, have a lot of cursing on them), you are perfectly within your rights to ask her to change her clothing. However, she is going to see it as unfair if you let her brother wear the exact same shirts you just told her to change out of. Consistency is a very important element in parenting, and it works well with most teenagers. However, a t-shirt that has a bunch of electric guitars and “Metallica” written in stylized letters isn’t going to send a bad image or hurt anyone. We’re living in times where (in most parts of the US) it isn’t remotely shocking to hear about a girl being interested in metal music.

So let her wear the shirts, remind her that certain logos aren’t acceptable (different parents have different rules. I, for example, wasn’t allowed to wear anything with cursing, or that showed sex, drugs, or alcohol.) Besides that, t-shirts are pretty modest, I’d merely be grateful that my daughter isn’t asking me to let her wear nothing but a tube top and booty-shorts!

Yours truly,
~Harra

Misunderstood Mom needs to get over herself. What exactly does wearing a Metallica T-shirt say other than her daughter likes heavy metal? Mom IS being sexist and unfair. Does Mom not care what people think about her son if she’s so worried about other people’s perception. Props to her daughter for not caring what narrow minded people might think about her. I can understand not allowing wearing something vulgar or profane but a heavy metal shirt won’t send others running in the opposite direction or whispered comments behind her daughter’s back. 

I think if the only thing you’re worrying about is a t-shirt, you and your daughter both have it together.  We really have to pick and choose our battles with teenagers.  A piece of clothing isn’t going to define who your daughter is.  If you raised her to stand up for herself, believe in how valuable a person she is inside and have pride in who she is, then she’ll be able to stand up to the possible unwanted advances you think might happen. But you have to give her the opportunity to do so.

I’m not sure what type of impression the mother thinks it will make. If I saw her wearing that I’d think: “Okay, she likes Metallica.” and go about my business.  Her daughter could want to wear cleavage showing, midriff baring, butt hardly covered clothing, so I think she should be thankful all her daughter wants to do is wear a heavy metal band T-shirt and allow it as long as it’s tasteful without obscenities. 

This has to be a joke. I can’t see a single good reason not to let someone wear a regular t-shirt with the logo or name and album art of a musical band. I could understand it IF the t-shirt’s graphics featured racism, swear words or nudity AND was to be worn in school or around kids.

I can hardly understand how a girl wearing a t-shirt with her favourite bands would give the “wrong” impression. It would give A impression; her taste of music (A fairly good one in my opinion). Exactly the same as when boys wear them, so it’s not different either.

I disagree with her accusations though. It’s not being sexist or unfair, and her mother is not overreacting; it’s a question about intelligence and narrow-mindedness.

This is the safest way for your daughter to express her young and wild side.  I have a son,  I teach him to respect himself and respect his body, therefore, I would not let him pierce his body, do permanent tattoos, smoke, or put on pants that are falling off his bot.  But, if he wants to experience, I would let him color his hair or even nails orange and blue and put on any T-shirt or hats or pants that he likes as long as it is not offensive to him or others.  He will outgrow all of them and will learn to respect himself too.

Not only is not allowing your daughter to wear a heavy metal t-shirt unreasonable, but wrong. Parents need to be there for their children, and clothing shouldn’t stand in the way of that. Be accepting, maybe your daughter needs to be accepted for who she is, not the image you want her to be. If children aren’t accepted at home, then it’s ten times harder for them in the outside world.

I think your idea of “impression” may need a bit of revising. Misunderstood Mom, you have all the right intentions- maybe you should do a bit of background research, the gender lines of today’s society are blurred in more ways than one and are more blurred than ever before.  Maybe your daughter actually likes the band?  Maybe she’s trying to impress some guys?  Whatever the reason, talk to her- because most guys would find that type of thing attractive.  

Maybe you are still being a little sexist either way, and having the right intentions won’t help.  Why exactly do you not want her to wear it?  Now go tell her (gently) and start a conversation with her, it seems there’s a bit of a mother – daughter communication mishap.  Best of luck from another 16 year old.

I think your idea of “impression” may need a bit of revising. Misunderstood Mom, you have all the right intentions- maybe you should do a bit of background research, the gender lines of today’s society are blurred in more ways than one and are more blurred than ever before.  Maybe your daughter actually likes the band?  Maybe she’s trying to impress some guys?  Whatever the reason, talk to her- because most guys would find that type of thing attractive.  

Maybe you are still being a little sexist either way, and having the right intentions won’t help.  Why exactly do you not want her to wear it?  Now go tell her (gently) and start a conversation with her, it seems there’s a bit of a mother – daughter communication mishap.  Best of luck from another 16 year old.

I’m siding with the 16 year old. To tell somebody they cannot wear something because of their gender is pretty sexist, and it is unfair. What “wrong impression” would she give by wearing a Metallica shirt? That girls cannot like anything that isn’t Katy Perry or Justin Bieber? From my observations, gender roles are becoming an issue with a lot of people – people just want to be what they want to be, wear what they want to wear and not have it be based on their age or their gender. I’m not saying your daughter is on the road to getting a sex change, but “you can’t wear a Metallica shirt because it’s a boy-thing” is ludicrous. People are going to judge others based on many things, not just what they’re wearing. If she’s ready and willing to stick up for herself, let her. She’s 16, she’s on her way to becoming an adult. She’s in the age group where she should be allowed to make her own decision, ie. what she wants to wear. My mom let my siblings and I choose what we wanted to wear at a young age (I’d say around 6, when we started school) – my wearing a Sham 69 tank top at the age of 16/17 wasn’t a threat to anyone’s livelihood, and I don’t believe I gave a “wrong impression” to anyone (as far as I know). I grew out of my “band shirt phase” with age – I’m 25 now and thrilled with skirts, dresses, and unique jewelry. I’m sure your daughter’s band shirt phase will end when she chooses so. :)

I don’t know what you think others will think of her for wearing a Metallica t-shirt.  Do you “let her” listen to their music?  They’re not satanists, they just make loud music.  There’s no good reason to stop her from wearing their shirt.

Response to Misunderstood Mom

Dear Mom,

First a question then an answer, how did your son turn out? You
allowed him to wear band shirts. If he is doing OK then your response to your
daughter is “sexist and unfair.” You are the one labeling her as “bad”; she is
in a culture where the music of these bands is popular. If your son didn’t turn
out as you would have liked then are you putting your fears on your daughter? Let
her be who she is and love her. Give her the space to explore and learn and
support her as she encounters life’s pluses and minuses. Pick your battles;
there are ones much bigger than T-shirts.

It sounds like your daughter has learned a life lesson that you haven’t….. It doesn’t matter what other people think. You should let her wear the shirts! It’s only clothing and it will most likely end up being a phase just like most teens go through. You could always look on the Internet to see if there are any feminine styles she likes but all in all….let her wear the shirts and get yourself one too! It’s never to late to stop caring what others think!

The 16-year-old girl is right.  Because you have made the parenting decision to allow the boy to wear metal attire, telling her no is absolutely unfair.  I cannot see one reason why she couldn’t wear the shirts.  I am a mother, a professional, and in my forties. As a teen I wore, and still wear, heavy metal t-shirts.  It was not my mom’s first choice and she did express her disappointment about my dress in general as a teen (too boy-ish), but she did her job as a mother and allowed me to express myself.  That paired with the values she instilled in me allowed me to find my own way.

What it boils down to is this: regardless of gender everyone has the desire to express themselves. I think it’s harsh to censor a teen’s wish to dress as she pleases. As long as the clothes aren’t too revealing, I hardly think people will “get the wrong idea.” Check out Lady GaGa’s song Hais to get abetter idea of what this young lady must be feeling.

There is no gender gap concerning heavy metal bands. Your daughter will give the same impression by wearing these shirts that your son does- whatever that impression may be. Worry less about what others think of her choice of music and more about how much skin she is showing.  

Why would you forbid individuality?  So what if she likes heavy metal; that is not a “mans’ thing” to do. It’s a music preference. Wearing a shirt is giving the wrong impression? She is SIXTEEN. I understand she isn’t an adult; but what impressions is wrong? How does she ACT? More people rely on personal conference than looks. There is a time and place for dress clothes (like job interviews and such), but if she is going to school or going out or lounging around and being a teenager; who is she trying to impress, really? Or is it you being ashamed of your DAUGHTER (but not your son) wanting to do something different?

Your daughter has a much of a right to express herself and her musical tastes as your son does, and at the age of sixteen that’s something you need to respect. Parenting with a double-standard isn’t right, and it’s guaranteed to make her want to “act out” further, as well as lose her respect for you. She’ll figure out how she wants to present herself, Metallica t-shirts or not, in a healthy way if you allow her to explore her tastes in a loving way.

I’m not sure what kind of message you think your daughter is going to send by wearing a Metallica shirt beyond the fact that she likes Metallica. I’m also not sure how the “impression” people get from kids wearing Metallica shirts differs between boys and girls. As a parent, you have to pick your battles, and I think this is one of those issues that is not worth an argument. Chances are she won’t be wearing heavy metal band T-shirts for the rest of her life, and to add a little more perspective, she could be wearing ultra-short shorts and cleavage-bearing tops instead.

Misunderstood Mom,

When I was growing up my mother had concerns about how others would treat me based upon the way that I dressed.  She did not like my taste in music and she also did not like my friends.  After a few years, for some reason, I decided that it was best to listen to my mother and began dressing in ways she felt appropriate.  I attempted to make friends with people she felt were more acceptable.  I became extremely depressed, even suicidal; I had abandoned my friends, couldn’t keep new ones, and didn’t feel like myself.  It took a number of years for me to recover and to once again find myself.  Coincidentally, I am still the alternative person I was growing up.  Those friends I ditched are actually my best friends!  My mother and I on the other hand. . . not so great.

Please, support your daughter.  Lover her for who she is and not for the person you believe she ought to be; you’d be surprised that she can actually be both.  My mother was trying to protect me from other people’s harsh opinions, when she actually became the only one that hurt.

Freaky Geeky Mom (27)

As your kids get older, the t-shirts, piercings, and tattoos, etc. get more enticing.  Some wise person told me years ago that if it is a preference of yours, let it go.  However, if it is a principle, you need to stand firm.  Deciding what are preferences and principles need to be decided before you have kids in these situations, so you’ll always be consistent.  Don’t forget some of the struggles you had with your parents. 

I relate more to your daughter’s point of view. I grew up with only one sibling, a brother two years younger than me, and our mom was always accepting certain things from him because he was a boy. I feel that parents should try to avoid double standards. Although your children are different genders, they both equally desire to show their tastes and interests through their personal styles. My advice is to set guidelines for both of them… no clothes that display obscenity, for one thing, or don’t wear anything that you’d be embarrassed for your grandmother to see. Let them know that you also expect their behavior in public to reflect the kinds of people they are: kind, respectful, etc. 
By the way… have you seen how teenagers dress these days? Be glad your daughter wants to wear ANY T-shirt!

I believe that the “wrong impression” is sent, regardless of gender.  If you disliked the message on your daughter, what made it ok for your son?  I do agree that you are being sexist.  Unfair is irrelevant, there is no fairness in parenting, or anything else, but if you are simply denying it based on gender, you might be a little behind the times.  I’d have banned it for all children.  In our house we’ve banned any licensed characters, any cute, sexy or sassy sayings, camouflage, skulls, television characters, obvious brand names or a number of other things on the kids’ clothing.  However, these rules apply to both the boys and the girl.

Mom is being sexist and unfair. A girl wearing a Metallica shirt only send the message of hey. I like good music.

Other than times or places where it would be disrespectful for anyone to wear a T-Shirt bearing a logo (band or otherwise), this young lady should be given the same opportunity to express herself as her brother was given.  I hope her mother would rather teach her discretion and occasion-appropriateness, rather than perpetuating sibling rivalry through inequality in her parenting.

I’m glad at least she recognizes this as sexist, because it absolutely is. If you try to control such a trivial part of her life as her clothing, which should be a personal expression, she will grow to be a rebel. She will push back if you try to constrain her on such silly things. Pick your battles; it’s just a t-shirt, and there is no longer a negative stigma attached to girls liking metal. Even if there was, you would still be wrong to tell her absolutely no on this personal form of expression. Is she getting good grades? Wearing a band t-shirt is not going to impact the important parts of her life. In fact, if she’s able to express herself, it will help her thrive.

Regarding the teen’s wish to wear Metallica T-shirts; As a father and grandfather, over the years I have come to the conclusion that young teens in the age cohort of 13 – to – 17 (or sometimes 18) do a great deal of experimenting with who they are or who they want to be.   The young lady is merely trying on different personality types (via the T-shirts) to find out who she is, or may become.   It’s a stage of daughter’s growth.   Mom will find out that the stage will pass, in favor of another exploration into whom the daughter wishes emulate.   As long as the daughter doesn’t get into something physically or emotionally harmful, or illicit, she should be encouraged by mom to explore and develop her psyche and personality. 

I think the reason why your daughter wants to wear the shirt is because she enjoys the band’s music and wants to show her support of it by buying and wearing merchandise.  That reason alone is why you should let your daughter wear the shirt, but I will elaborate.  Music is a gender less idea.  That means it can’t be classified like colors; blue is for boy, pink is for girl.  Music is an idea that people of all types can listen too, enjoy, and occasionally bond over.  If your daughter wears a Metallica shirt, the only impression that she will be giving off is “Hey! I like Metallica!” just like your son already does with his shirts.  There will be no difference, no matter how badly you want to think there will be.   

If you let one child wear unapropriate clothing, you might as well let the other. Boy or girl.

She is sixteen. She is almost an adult. If she thinks she can wear a Metallica shirt, then fine. No young person wants to accept that the opposite gender can do something they can’t. Let her wear it. She can decide for herself if people are actually judging her differently because of her shirt.

She is sixteen. She is almost an adult. If she thinks she can wear a Metallica shirt, then fine. No young person wants to accept that the opposite gender can do something they can’t. Let her wear it. She can decide for herself if people are actually judging her differently because of her shirt.

Absolutely DO NOT let her wear that shirt. You are the mother and that is that. She needs to learn some respect for her elders, and I know for sure I would not want to be seen near someone with a heavy metal band shirt on whether they are a boy OR a girl. That shirt would be far too inappropriate for any  teenager to be wearing in public.

You set the presidence when you allowed your son to wear rock band t-shirts.  Girls can like rock bands just as much as boys.  If someone judges your daughter by the clothes she wears, I personally,  would not want myself or my daughter to be more than an acquaintance of them.  Do you believe your daughter is a strong enough teenager to make the right decisions, most of the time?  Don’t worry about her clothes, focus on her and pick your battles wisely.

Yes, you are overreacting. First of all you are teaching your daughter that she should make decisions based on what others might think. She has the right idea about not caring, that those people would be judgmental no matter what she wore.  And as to where to draw the line, what has always worked for me concerning my children’s appearance is yes to anything not permanent (such as hair color, clothing, etc.) and no to piercings and tattoos. If you always say no, she will eventually just sneak and do it anyway. Pick your battles!

Yes, Misunderstood Mom, you are slightly overreacting. The content of the t shirt, and your daughters behavior will affect what people think of her. The name of the band on the shirt really makes no difference. It is unfair if her brother can wear those t shirts, but she cannot. Whether she recognizes it, or not, what others say about her will affect her. Help her pick out a few tasteful shirts. I think you’ll both enjoy the shopping trip.

Yes, you are being sexist and unfair, and no, it’s NOT “just a T-shirt”. NEITHER of your children should be wearing that kind of shirt, or going to those kind of concerts, listening to that kind of music.  I dare anyone to say “you can’t stop them”. Be a parent! You should have guided them into more meaningful persuits long ago:  Community service, a job to learn responsibilities and prepare for higher education and career.  Had you done this, they would not now be interested in wearing T-shirts promoting drug using,  screaming, heavy metal bands.  Yes, it’s a reflection of your parenting.

While I personally agree with your daughter that telling her she cant wear something that her brother wears (especially something as simple as a band t-shirt) is a little sexist and definatly unfair I think one thing you should think about is that at least thats all she is asking for. Ive seen some of the cloths young girls are wearing now adays, like shorts small enough to pass as underwear and extremely lowcut shirts that leave little to the imagination. Maybe you should consider how lucky you are to have a daughter with such reasonable requests and just love her and appretiate her for who she is. After all no matter what rules you give her while she is under your roof it wont change who she is when she leaves, only your relationship with her because of it.

I think that you are overreacting.  Plus, I hate to say it, but your daughter is right.  You are being sexist.  How is it okay for your son to wear those shirts, but not your daughter.  Your reasoning makes no sense.  And the kind of person who would look at a teenage girl and judge her, based on the band shirt that she is wearing, is obviously ignorant.  So, who cares what they think.  Teenagers like to express themselves through their clothing.  I don’t see the big deal with a shirt. 

As our children grow we want them to learn good judgement.
Unfortunately, they won’t always share our opinions.You’ll soon be trusting her to drive a car, so you can probably let her decide which shirt to wear.It’s true that some ignorant people will form negative opinions of her, and maybe you.However, the consequences of this decision are very minor and she is prepared to deal with them.Be glad that she is already showing evidence of good judgement because she is wise enough to understand the opinions of some people should be ignored.She obviously values your opinion or she wouldn’t be so upset with your disapproval.Choose your battles carefully and give her some leeway on this minor issue.

The daughter is right, if people will form opinions of her based only on a t-shirt, they’re small-minded and she shouldn’t really care what they think anyway. If she is allowed to listen to the music, then she should be allowed to wear the shirt, otherwise you’re dealing with a major double standard here (which I consider to be one of the worst things possible parenting; very upsetting/confusing in the long run). If she’s has been allowed to be a fan of the bands, it makes sense that she should be allowed to wear their shirts. If a parent is not okay with a message a certain band gives, the child should not be allowed to become a fan in the first place. If she’s not a fan, she should have no reason to fight for the right to wear the t-shirt.

Those that care, don’t matter.  those that matter don’t care.  this is what i am trying to teach my child.  If anyone doens’t like him because of what he wears, then he is going to be strong enough to tell them that their opinion of him doesn’t matter.

First I think the mother should sit down with her daughter and have an non-judemental conversation with her.  She should listen to what her daughter has to say with an open mind set.
She should ask her why she wants to wear this type of “band T-shirts?  Listening to what her daughter has to say would be very important to her daughter.  She should when listening to her daughter acknowledge to her daughter what she is saying to her.  Sometimes a person does not really listen to what a person is saying to them.  What a person says and what the listener is hearing can be different.  Many things impact how a person interperts what they are hearing.  This mother should want her daughter to come to her with anything that is bothering her; making a daughter feel that she can come to her mother with any questions or subjects is very important to a child.

Sorry, but I agree with your daughter here (I am a 48 y/o father).  If people are going to judge her from a t-shirt, they are not worth her time.  Letting your son sport these t-shirts and not her is setting different standards, which is not right.  So she wants a t-shirt of a group she likes-what’s the wrong part?  When my daughter was 16, she liked P!NK, had her music, t’s, and went to see her (with me!).  We bonded, I now also like her music, and my daughter is now a 19 y/o with her own mind, is strong and willing to do new things, partly because of P!NK’s music.  Let your daughter have this one, and start doing things she likes with her, you will have life long memories… 

I don’t see how this is an “issue”, quite honestly.  If anything your daughter clearly has good musical taste to want to don a Metallica shirt; not only that, but hey, it could be a good look.  You never know.  You actually might be overreacting a tad if this sort of thing will get you mad at your kids, really.  There is no difference when it comes to these T-shirts between guys and girls; I’ve seen both members of each sex sport one in public.  Girls do not get treated differently for wearing them, guys don’t either.  If your kid wants to wear the shirt, let her wear the shirt.  I see how it can cause any harm for her, really.

Good question. Communication starts with love and old sage advice in a family. Where is gramma and grandpa? I see “that’s the way things are”.  And I see “no time to talk about it” and one more “teacher” telling me how to live my life. Best place to go with this is be careful…your children are at least still listening, but still have a lot yet to learn. Hug them if they will let you. And say your heart. This is not just about the T-shirt….it is way bigger than that.

You sound like my mother.  When I was about 14 and at a sporting event with a friend, being young girls, we were pointing out ‘cute guys’ in the stands.  I pointed out a 16-17 year old African-American boy and said “he’s a cutie!”  My mother, who always preached anti-racism, leaned over and said “wrong color”.  Fast forward 4 years and, newly becoming a smoker, my mother made a comment that she would rather I drink than smoke because it was more socially acceptable.  You need to understand that I come from a non-smoking family that has been torn apart by alcoholism, yet she was more concerned with how I “looked” then what I was.  I’m now 29, and have kicked the smoking habit, but still get angry when I think of my mother’s comments.  Those comments were damning to my opinion of my mom, not just because she said them, but because they contradicted everything she supposedly stood for.  Likewise, if you think it’s okay for your son to listen to Metallica, and show his support in the form of a t-shirt, why not your daughter?  When I see someone wear a t-shirt of a certain band, movie, cartoon character etc. the only thing that comes to mind is that they are a fan.  I’m  not sure what ‘impression’ you think the t-shirt will give of your daughter, but I am sure that she will remember this debate, you just need to decide what exactly you’re fighting for and if it’s worth the long-term repercussions.

It is 2012.  Am I really hearing a woman, a mother, ask this question?  Do women like this still exist?  Seriously.  What a sexist promoting person.  And I am a mother and a grandmother. If she has other reasons for not wanting her daughter to wear a particular tee shirt, they should be explained, not written off under such a gender biased remark.

It is 2012.  Am I really hearing a woman, a mother, ask this question?  Do women like this still exist?  Seriously.  What a sexist promoting person.  And I am a mother and a grandmother. If she has other reasons for not wanting her daughter to wear a particular tee shirt, they should be explained, not written off under such a gender biased remark.

Yes, you are overreacting. 1.) It’s a T-shirt. Be glad it’s not some low-cut, see through mid-drift shirt. You have to pick your battles. Ask yourself if it’s really worth the fight. 2.) What kind of message are you sending a young woman by creating different standards for her because she’s female? I’m sure, after all, that you don’t want her growing up to think that it’s acceptable for her to be treated differently (being paid less, not being taken seriously, etc.) because of her gender. 

I’m one who would probably agree with the mom, but the daughter brought up one item I have to agree with.  If you let her older brother wear similar t-shirts, then you have to allow the daughter the same respect. Children have to be treated as equals.  Being a parent isn’t always an easy job but using some clarity on decisions will help.  Had the mother said yes you can wear the t-shirt but stated how she felt and wished the daughter wouldn’t wear it might have had a better chance.  

You need to learn to pick your battles. If you are writing in regarding what kind of t-shirt your 16-year-old daughter is wearing, and that is your MAIN concern, I would say you have don’t have much to worry about. This seems like something that is very petty. Did you ask her WHY she want’s to wear those types of shirts? Does she like those bands? Or is it that other girls in school are wearing them? 

Have you taught her that there are places that she should not wear these shirts? For instance, church, job interviews, things like that? I feel like you have an opportunity to actually talk to your daughter and find out what it is about hard rock band shirts that she likes. Is she possibly trying to impress a boy? This would be a good way to speak to her about why you don’t change yourself for someone else. As a parent, instead of just saying no, you need to communicate with your children, and do your best to guide them. You only have 2 years until your child is on her way to college, and she needs a lot of guidance to make it out there in the real world. Good luck.

You’re not only over-reacting, you’re being sexist and teaching your daughter lessons that will impact the way she interacts with the world.  Gender should never play a role in parenting, and by allowing your son to wear such items when you’re daughter can’t, you’re setting her up to believe that there is some fundamental difference between the genders, a stigma women have spent centuries to overcome.  Not only that, but you are also pushing a gap between you, considering she’s more then likely wearing them where you can’t see, setting up a level of distrust and non-communication at a time when honestly and openness between parent and child is vital.

Dear Mom,

You absolutely are overreacting. Setting a double standard will earn you no respect. Also, they’re T-shirts!! As a mother myself, I would be thanking my lucky stars that my daughter is not fighting to dress like a hooker, like many other 16-year-old girls are these days.

This Misunderstood Mom dilema is interesting.  I think the T-Shirt issue is just the tip of the iceburg.  Had the Mom not allowed the brother to wear the same shirts, I think the solution would have been simple, it would then have been a matter of principle.  But because she did, she puts herself in a situation of apparent unfairness.  One question I have is what is the “wrong impression” the Mom thinks the daughter is promoting?  Because having observed the rather revealing, sexually-motivated, skimpy (though perhaps adorned with many feminine touches) shirt choices (can we even call them shirts?) of teenage girls today, I would think that a rock group T-shirt would be a more conservative and less-revealing alternative.  Sometimes you have to pick your battles, and allow your children to go through clothing, hair, and other non-harmful phases so that when the battle really counts, such as the one in regards to drugs and alcohol, or grades and school participation, there is more cooperation and openmindedness on the part of the teen.  However, if the Mom thinks that the T-shirt choice is the start of something worse, such as hanging with a wrong crowd, then she needs to address her concerns with that more important underlying issue openly with her daughter.  If she is just worried that her daughter will not look “pretty in pink” then she is just setting herself up for further rebellion.

Cynthia Weaver
Arlington, WA

A wise person once told me “pick your battles”.I followed that advise when my own teenager daughter wanted to wear army boots and trench coats, much to my dismay! I went with her to pick them out and purchased them to only find that within a month of her trend…she was done with it! The boots hurt her feet and the coat was just too hot, I was overjoyed, we both got what we wanted!It’s just clothing, fads come and go. I lost my daughter five years ago, what I would give to have those small battles back! Lisa Schoenherr, Milton, Florida

I think your daughter is right, you are being unfair. You should let your daughter wear what she wants to but I would look at the shirts for inappropriate language and pictures. You should also ask your daughter if she really wants to wear this style clothing, or if it is just a fad. Remind her that fads come and go, and you don’t want her spending money on somthing that next week she will shun. I hope this helps your problem.

Does she want to wear the shirts because she enjoys the bands, or is it because they are her older brother’s broken-in and comfortable t-shirts? I am a female that enjoyed wearing sometimes controversial band t-shirts as a teenager (which wasn’t so long ago). I am unfamiliar with the different impression given when girls wear these shirts…it gave me a way to  connect with new friends my own age since it basically advertised what I was interested in. Now that I am an adult, I don’t wear this type of shirt as much. I appreciated my parents’ trusting me to choose my own wardrobe, especially during a time when I had a hard time finding other clothes that fit properly (it seemed like everything available in the juniors section was too tight and/or short, and ladies clothing did not fit quite right either).
Keep the conversation open with your daughter, and maybe give her a chance to wear what she feels most comfortable in. And trust that your parenting will keep her making the right decisions.

I agree with your daughter, you are presenting a double standard. Rather ban her from wearing the t-shirts help her to find a way to wear them in a way that makes you feel comfortable. You will then be helping her to find her own style and she will still be presentable in your mind.

In times of a parent-child dispute, it is best to talk it out.  In this case it is probably better to stop and look at it through her eyes and compare it to your views.  A parent is the authority in a household and no should mean no, but within reason as to why the no was put into place.  My father wore heavy metal shirts to show that he supported his favorite bands and he allowed me, his daughter, to wear them because I chose to support the bands as well.  Telling a child that they can’t do something, but letting another child of yours do the thing the other wanted to do does not set a good example.  This causes them to rebel because they see that an injustice has been done to them.  For the sake of your relationship with your daughter, talk to her about your fears if she wears the shirt, hear her side out.  If you still feel that you don’t want her to wear the shirt, make a compromise, but please don’t bring gender into any decision, it will only hurt your relationship with her more.

By choosing to wear heavy metal t-shirts, your daughter wants to make a statement about her personality and who she is. And, you should be happy that she doesn’t really care what others think of her. Isn’t that what we all want to do? Be ourselves, no matter what. If you’re still really concerned, and don’t want her to wear these shirts, talk it out with her calmly, and with a better reason than it’s different for guys and girls, because for teenagers today, girls can do anything boys can do, without anyone their age thinking its strange. 

By choosing to wear heavy metal t-shirts, your daughter wants to make a statement about her personality and who she is. And, you should be happy that she doesn’t really care what others think of her. Isn’t that what we all want to do? Be ourselves, no matter what. If you’re still really concerned, and don’t want her to wear these shirts, talk it out with her calmly, and with a better reason than it’s different for guys and girls, because for teenagers today, girls can do anything boys can do, without anyone their age thinking its strange. 

If it is okay for the son to wear, it should be okay for the daughter. I don’t think different rules should apply in this case. If it is offensive for the daughter to wear then it should be just as offensive for the son.  I am a 63 year old grandmother with a son and daughter and I have always felt this way.

It’s a shirt, not a tattoo.  She can change a shirt.  This is not something that is permanent.  Allow her to have the shirt.  However, she needs to buy the band t-shirts herself, out of her money.  No need for you to buy something that you don’t approve of.  And, she is not always going to like these bands.  She’ll out grow this.  Give her time.

Instead of being pegged as a “overreacting” mom, just do as I did, and instead of banning certain articles of clothing, ban a color! I banned my children from anything black! As long as I was buying their clothes they could have whatever color they wanted except black!!! I believe the color allows these children to fall into an emo catergory! Especially in their growing years when they need color and positivity! If she really like these old bands, or perhaps she is a part of a band, than I don’t see anything wrong with it! But if you believe it is a group influence thing than I say stand behind your decision. As for saying one child was allowed and another is not, because its “different” for a certain sex, you are looking for a sexist arguement!!! You should not even discuss that with her. Your home, your rules for each child, because each child is different, and don’t let her use that as a excuse on why she wants to wear them. Find out why SHE really wants this. It doesn’t have to be a negative thing! Good luck!

It’s just a Metallica T-shirt. It really doesn’t mean the end of the world or that your daughter will develop some sort of ‘reputation.’ Is the T-shirt too tight or revealing? That should be more of an issue than what band is on it.

Misunderstood Mom,
Take it from a battle hardened older mom that a tee shirt is not worth fighting over. You may be able to throw your weight and authority around right now, but at the expense of a great learning and bonding opportunity if you handle the issue with more respect to your daughter’s feelings.  As a teenagers mom, your job now is to express your views in a reasonable way and negotiate on all non-life threatening issues, not make unconditional demands. It doesn’t work. That will only cause deep seated resentment and immediate rebellion. Why not talk with an open mind and keep the lines of communication open? NEVER get caught in a double standard or comparing one child to another, few things will lose you the respect of your daughter faster. You, as all teenager’s parents have more pressing issues to discuss with your kids. Cell Phones & driving, underage drinking, drugs, sex, any number of other risky behaviors that can cause them physical or mental harm… you have to keep them open to what you have to say and willing to respect your thoughts. They are not going to do that if do not show them respect on something as simple as a tee shirt and then compound it with a double standard. I hope this makes sense to you. Your daughter sounds like a very bright kid that has great self esteem. Please don’t mess that up for her. It is so hard to develop that in our girls.
Best regards to you both,
from a Mom that has been there 
(with 22 & 24 y/o honor student daughters)

A band t shirt shouldn’t be a big issue. “don’t sweat the small stuff”, she could be dressing in skimpy clothing and giving other impressions. You have to kids a little freedom and choices of their own within reason so that they learn. When it comes to something questionable with my 5 children, I take a few minutes to think of the situation from both sides, we were young once also. I would worry more about who shes friends with and what they do for fun than a band t-shirt. She probably just loves music!

Having spent most of my teen years in heavy metal t-shirts myself, I have to side with your daughter on this. And congratulate her as well, for her mature viewpoint that it’s more important how she feels about herself than how others in her high school feel about her. Also, kudos to her for recognizing sexism in socialization so young. Her insight will take her far.

Such music is indeed “hard” and “heavy,” but to deem appropriate for males but inappropriate for females only serves to reinforce sexist double standards. The feelings and emotions this music stirs inside a person are equally valid for both sexes, and each sex feels these emotions as powerfully as the other. And there is nothing wrong with showing it.

Besides, I can tell you from personal experience as a former teenage meta-lhead female, there is no greater hell than being forced to project an image that you don’t feel comfortable in. Nothing feels as phony as pretending to be someone who you are not. By wearing such clothing, your daughter will not be sending the “wrong message.” She’ll be sending the right one. Trust her, and trust her strength.

Let her be comfortable and confident in what she wants to wear. There are plenty of 16 year-olds out there wearing clothing much too adult for their age. A band t-shirt is a blessing in disguise.

By the way, this former teenage metalhead female is now 22 years old and 9 credits away from completing a dual
degree at a 4 year institution. I have a great group of friends and
loved ones who love and support me for who I am, not for who I could
have pretended to be. Again, trust your daughter.

I understand that you are looking out for your child, but I feel you should give freedom to your kids. If you allowed your son to wear a similar shirt it does feel that there is a double standard. Why are your restricting your daughter limitations more so then your son? As long as the behavior is not dangerous I dont see the problem. However if you do have a real concern you should be open and honest with her. Children tend to listen if you are honest and treat them like a adult but make sure the treatment is the same for all your kids.  

I have to agree with your daughter on this one. I do not think girls wearing band t-shirts give a “wrong impression” & I think that your view is incredibly close-minded, especially since you allow your son to wear them. A shirt is just that, a shirt. And while I do acknowledge that some things can be age-appropriate & risqué, I hardly think a band shirt is either of these things. If there is a questionabe picture or phrase on it then yes, those are inappropriate. But if your going to let your son then why tell your daughter no?

In response to the “teenage Metallica shirt” issue…I feel sooo strongly about this issue,but will try to nutshell all that needs to be said!!I was a also a teen that chose not to wear pink,fluffy things,but torn jeans and Metallica tees instead.This does not mean a child is going in any sort of wrong direction,merely expressing themselves in a manner that is different and perhaps not familiar to all.Those who judge human beings on appearance alone could be considered shallow,aren’t we trying to teach the young acceptance and tolerance?What is misunderstood and intimidating to one may be comforting and grounding to another…and if all those who have judged “heavy metal” before would just take the time,they would learn that this music is multi-faceted and interesting,dealing with prevalent and intensely important issues our society faces every day,and that’s not even mentioning it’s complex musical structure.I am sending out a prayer to the universe that this girl’s mother sees this…PLEASE allow your daughter to express herself,she’s finding her identity and place in this world,and she needs her mother now.She’ll love you for it for the rest of her life.     P.S. I still listen to Metallica,and I’m using some of their song structures as tools as I bridge from 31-year piano player to brand-new violin student.Music is a gift,and it’s all connected.<3

It’s a band t-shirt, not a gun. If a shirt for a band she likes is your biggest problem, you should be grateful. Let her wear what she wants.

Red flag, a parent under any circumstance should not pull the gender differences card, that sends a bad message to a child or teenager.  To a child it would say that it is okay to gender stereotype and to a teenager it would say that you prefer one gender over another for certain things.  In a case like this it is best to talk it out with your daughter, it sounds like you’re the one that is worried about her being judged on her appearance.  If you’re afraid that she’ll wear t-shirts such as that to a job interview, express your worries to her.  If the t-shirt contains offensive language, allow her to wear it around the house, but not in school.  Come up with a compromise that you both can agree on, but please talk it out calmly. 

Your daughter has a point–letting her brother rock a Metallica shirt but turning around and saying that she can’t just because she’s a girl is rather sexist and creates a double standard. Furthermore,  unless she is applying for a job or doing something similar where a professional image can help her achieve her ends, she’s right about the judgmentality, too–people who judge and act on such judgments based on a mere band-supporting T-shirt are likely to be people she wouldn’t care about impressing anyways.

I do understand that you are the parent and you have a right to set certain rules. However, PLEASE make sure that they’re logical! If you have a better reason or feel that you can more fully explain your reasoning for such a rule, then you need to sit your daughter down and have a calm, open discussion. Heck, if it’s too hard for you to explain verbally, you can write her an e-mail: that way, you’ll be able to proofread and more easily keep your tone rational, and that, in turn, will make your daughter more likely to listen rationally. Just based on my experience as an older kid, older kids are more likely to listen and do as you wish if they’re given the chance to understand your reasoning.

In a word: yes. You should let her wear what she wants. It’s disgusting that we live in a society that judges women for what they look like rather than what they do, and I understand that you want to protect your daughter from it, but the only way that society’s standards will change is if women act out against those standards. Commend your daughter for her bravery and let her wear it.

Yes mom, you are being sexist, and unfair, and overreacting….not to mention projecting whatever it is you think of girls in band shirts onto your daughter’s peers.  The phrase “pick your battles” is an extremely important piece of advice for parents of teens.  Save the “because I said so” for things that have long-term dangerous consequences……This is just a T-shirt.

Dear Misunderstood:I am going to come right out and say it; YES! You ARE overreacting! What you’re saying to her is basically the same as saying it’s okay for your son to stay out all hours of the night and sleep with all the girls he wants “because he’s a boy”.When I was growing up in the late 1980s, yes bands like Metallica were for people we could call slackers, losers, failures, etc. (“burnouts” we called them) who drank, smoked, did drugs, skipped school, etc., and it was both genders. Trust me, for a little while, even I wanted nothing to do with them and their music, but eventually I got interested in it (the music, that is), and it did nothing to me personality-wise. I was far from anything like those guys and gals and always would be. (Hell, one of my middle-school teachers was into them and Megadeth and other bands like that, too, and you would never have known it unless he told you.) It’s JUST MUSIC!Personally, I view you as one of those ultra-protective, (possibly) right-wing parents who think that if their children gets into one little thing you don’t like, it’s going to start them down the road to everything bad. Quite the contrary, your daughter probably already listens to the music anyways, so any “damage” you think wearing the shirts is going to do to her and/or her reputation has already been done, thank you.Lighten up on her! Liking a hard rock or heavy metal band or wearing their t-shirt doesn’t automatically turn her into a whore!Jon in Las Vegas

Three words: “pick your battles!” As long as the shirts are not covered in profanity or sexually explicit material, there is no reason she shouldn’t be allowed to wear the shirts. Especially if her older brother was allowed to.

Three words: “pick your battles!” As long as the shirts are not covered in profanity or sexually explicit material, there is no reason she shouldn’t be allowed to wear the shirts. Especially if her older brother was allowed to.

Every generation took pride in wearing rock t-shirts. Mine was Bon Jovi Slippery when wet. It was a form of self expression and identifying with a group when you are feeling so insecure. These days it is also quite fashionable rather then indentifying oneself as a metal head. I would rather have my daughter wearing any T-shirt (unless vulgar) then micro minis & cleavage bearing tops. I do agree that you should have the ultimate say…..but you must choose your battles. There are a lot more important issues to be discussed. cliche but if one is going to judge based on a T-shirt, that person is the one to be judged.

p.s…I am now a 43 year old medical professional with 2 little children.

Every generation took pride in wearing rock t-shirts. Mine was Bon Jovi Slippery when wet. It was a form of self expression and identifying with a group when you are feeling so insecure. These days it is also quite fashionable rather then indentifying oneself as a metal head. I would rather have my daughter wearing any T-shirt (unless vulgar) then micro minis & cleavage bearing tops. I do agree that you should have the ultimate say…..but you must choose your battles. There are a lot more important issues to be discussed. cliche but if one is going to judge based on a T-shirt, that person is the one to be judged.

p.s…I am now a 43 year old medical professional with 2 little children.

Dear Misunderstood Mom,
People will judge you my your appearance?  DUH!  Perhaps your daughter needs a gentle reality check that shows how she, too, makes instant decisions about people based solely on their appearence.  It IS unfair.  It is also human and unavoidable.

How old is her “older brother”; 17 or 25?  Because your daughter may have a point.  If Metallica represents some horrible values to you, why would you allow either of your kids to use their torso as a billboard for this group?

Remind your daughter that she is a few short years from leaving home and then she is free to dress however she wants.  But while YOU are supporting her…your-house-your-loving-Mom-rules. 

Perhaps you need to ask yourself why you’re setting a double standard. Is your daughter’s general behavior and demeanor inappropriate? Does the shirt have obscene verbiage or graphics? If the answers to these questions are no, let her wear it but explain why you’d rather she didn’t – maybe she’ll decide not to wear it. If the answer to the first question is yes, the t-shirt is not your biggest problem.

I agree that if you tell her she cannot wear the Metallica shirt, you will need to justify it with a logical and rational reason. I think that we need to be very careful about gender roling when it comes to our children. I work in a preschool classroom and see parents telling thier children what they can or cannot play with. For example, telling boys that they can’t play in the dramatic play to play dress up or pretend they are fixing a meal or telling girls that they can’t play with trucks or cars is absurd. The more we allow our children to express themselves and be their own individual as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or other, what’s the harm? The more you tell a teenager not to do something, the more they will want to do it. That’s just reality. And, telling her not to wear it but allowing your son to is a double standard and teaches an inequality of sorts. It would be equivalent to telling your son that he is not allowed to be a cosmetologist because only girls do hair or telling girls that they can’t be mechanics because only boys can work on cars.

I’m sorry, but your daughter is right. Why should she care about the people who make a judgement based on her t shirt? The people who matter won’t care what she wears or what music she listens to. Plus, it could be a phase! If you don’t let her do it now, she could go overboard later in life. If you let her dress that way now, you’re allowing her to develop her style and as a person. If you don’t, you’re making her conform to what society wants her to be, and society wants her to be a tan, dangerously skinny, bleach blonde girl who wears short shorts and tiny shirts. Make a choice; do you want her to be herself, and wear metal Metallica t shirts that will cover her completely, or are you going to make her wear what you want her to wear? She’s not a doll. She’s an individual and anyone who doesn’t accept her for who she is does not deserve her love and respect.

Yes you should let her wear the t-shirts.  First of all, you let your son wear them — if you had a problem with the image of rock t-shirts, then he shouldn’t have been allowed to wear them.  Second, Metallica shirts now are like Zepplin t-shirts of our youth.  It’s all about self expression.  We’ve all heard the advice “pick your battles” — this should not be a battle.  Now if she wants to go to Metallica concerts 3 hours away and stay out all night, different fight.  This is a shirt.  Let her wear it.

When I was 16 I wore a Bad Company T-Shirt and was a total rebel. Metallica is not the worst thing she can listen to. Slayer, Slipknot and many others are out there. Realize that she is still your little girl and she loves you, but she is going through her rebellious stage. My Mom died of cancer when I was 19 and I wish now that I could explain this too her. I love you Mom. I was just a teenager.

rediculous to argue about.. what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. it’s a t-shirt, and all important parts r covered, we’re good. pick your battles

I have a 15 year old daughter myself, and I too have suffered qualms about some of the articles of clothing she wants to leave the house wearing. She often grabs any pair of basketball shorts and the first tee shirt she comes across. I have often worried that her boyish dress would incite others to ridicule her. She, like your daughter, claims that those who would judge her for her lack of girliness, don’t get her anyway. For your question, metallica band tee shirts are, for the most part, unisex and pg-13 in context. This means that her collar will not be low cut and showing off her cleavage, and the shirt will not be filled with profanity or showing images of sex or drugs–all things that will get her sent to detention in school. And in the case of my daughter, if her peers are going to judge her based on the style of clothing she wears, I would rather it be for her wearing shorts that touch her knees and unisex tee shirts, rather than mini dresses and corset tanks. Always remember: Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind, don’t matter.

Yes, it is sexist and unfair. If she comes to you saying she wants to be, say, a scientist or an engineer or something, are you going to tell her she can’t because “that’s a man’s job”? Would you like her to only wear frilly pink dresses and get a job as a teacher or nurse (and then quit her job after she gets married to be a barefoot, pregnant, subservient wife)? If you had a better reason for not wanting her to wear those shirts, you wouls be well within your rights as a parent. But its 2012, not 1950, and different rules for boys and girls just don’t fly anymore. Get with the times mom. It’s just a t-shirt.

Misunderstood Mom, you really need to learn to pick your battles. If your biggest complaint about your teenage daughter is she wants to wear a T-shirt with a heavy metal band on it, count your lucky stars! And shame on you for teaching your kids that what’s okay for a boy isn’t for a girl. Your job as her parent is to not only guide her morally, but teach her what to expect and accept from life. Is this one of the lessons you hope she’ll learn, that boys deserve more personal freedom than girls?

Tell her your reason is you do not want her to look like a slut :) then burn the shirt

Sorry Mom, but you ARE being sexist and unfair !  Last time I checked, it was 2012 not 1955.  There is absolutely no justifiable reason in my view that she shouldn’t wear simple rock t-shirts.  She isn’t wearing a skirt so short it barely covers her privates or the very popular “DTF” shirts either.  Come on Mom, get with the 21st century !  Unless the shirt exposes her breasts or has an obnoxious message on it, she’s simply showing her love for a certain kind of music !

Yes, you are overreacting.  There are 2 reasons that I think you are overreacting: 1. it isn’t fair to allow your son to wear these types of shirts and not your daughter; 2. Parenting a teenager is hard – I learned that you need to pick your battles and give a little.  Is wearing a Metallica shirt really that awful??  I have 2 grown children – a boy and a girl.  As teenagers my children were not the easiest to raise – thus the need to pick your battles and save this no for something much more important.  I had told my son that under no circumstances was I going to allow him to pierce his ear, but he did it anyway when he was away at a boarding high school..  I found out before he came home and decided that it really wasn’t that big a deal – that there were other things more important to say no to (like drinking, drugs, etc.).  At your daughter’s age, she is wanting to make her own statement on who she is and try to push the boundaries you have set.  I don’t think a metallica t-shirt is so bad.  My daughter (older than my son) wore metallica t-shirts for quite a while – when she decided she no longer wanted to wear them, I put them up on ebay for sale and made quite a bit of money from them.  She was making a statement on who she was at that time but it didn’t change who she really  was – a sweet young lady who never got into trouble with the law, who didn’t ever use drugs or drink.  I didn’t particularly like her wearing those t-shirts but I gave on this issue so I could put my foot down on something else.

You’re being a sexist jerk. If it’s a baby tee or is inappropriate looking go on the band’s site and suggest a more modest shirt for her to wear. Either let them both wear this type of t-shirt, or tell them both they cannot. It seems you’re more worried about what people will think of YOU whenever they see your daughter wearing this shirt, as she doesn’t care about other’s opinions. 

Yes, Mom— You are overreacting.  Any judgements made about your daughter because she wears a heavy-metal t-shirt—Metallica no less— should not cause you to bat an eye.  And you let her brother wear them?  What kind of message does that give your daughter?  That standards for guys and gals are different?  Or that maybe her brother is not quite as important as your daughter, so who cares what other people think?  Either way, it’s sweating the small stuff.  If she–or he–wears pornography ,hate-filled slogans, or words of self-loathing, then you can worry and lay the law down.  Until then, let them both be themselves and find themselves.

It’s a T-shirt! What is the harm in wearing a T-shirt? It isn’t different at all for boys or girls, and it’s quite sexist for people to think differently of girls wearing heavy metal T-shirts than they do of boys who wear the same shirts. 16 year olds are old enough to have their own unique and specific style, and if heavy metal shirts are part of that, so be it. It’s not like she’s wearing too-revealing clothing!

When your daughter is in that kid/adult pergatory stage ages16-18 I think Moms have to choose their battles. If your daughter is confident enough to defend her taste in music, she will hopefully defend her morals as well. I would prefer that my daughter come home with a heavy metal T-shirt, rather than coming home with a heavy metal tattoo… A t-shirt can be eventually be abandoned in the back of a drawer. As long as the T-shirt isn’t vulgar or revealing and your child is on track otherwise, I suggest letting her express herself in a way that is not covert.  

I won’t lie  and say I know where a parent is coming from on an issue like this. I am only 18 myself. But this does give me a perspective not so young as the daughter but old enough to realize that parents sometimes have very good backing in decisions they make. If you have a solid, concrete reason why your daughter should not wear Metallica, it would be best to try and explain it to her. But in this situation, I have to say that I believe you are overreacting. Metallica and hard rock is not exclusively a boy’s area. I see nothing wrong with a girl wearing Metallica shirts. If that music suits her interest, the impression she gives off isn’t bad, I don’t think, it is just showing the style of music she enjoys. It could even help her to make friends with similar interests. I know a multitude of girls who rock hard rock musical shirts and I have noticed no trend in any bad behavior or any bad reactions from those around them. Unless the interest in hard rock is enough to influence her in a bad way (which I doubt it is. Music is just self-expression.) I see no viable reason why you should think that she may start giving off a bad impression by wearing the T-shirts. Let her have some fun with self-expression! You can always step in and intervene if things get out of control. Until then, where’s the harm?

I think the mom was probably insecure when she was 16, because she is too concerned how other teens will view her daughter; her daughter doesn’t care. I can think of way worse clothes that the daughter could be asking to wear. There is nothing wrong with her daughter liking heavy metal and nothing wrong with her wanting to wear the T- shirts. I am a 36 year old female and my favorite band growing up in the 80′s-90′s was Led Zeppelin and yes, I wore my Dad’s concert T-shirt all the time. My fashion choices didn’t make or break my reputation, but my actions decided my reputation for me.  Let her wear the shirts and remember that the insurcurities you felt growing up, do not transfer to your own kids.

Yes, you are being sexist and unfair.  If I saw a girl wearing a Metallica shirt I would assume that she liked their music.  (Isn’t that why she wants to wear it?) I don’t even know what you are trying to imply is wrong with it. Now if I saw her wearing short shorts with a thong and a revealing top, then I would get the ‘wrong’ impression.  And you should definitely draw the line on that outfit.  I don’t think the band t-shirt is a battle worthing fighting.

I have two daughters, ages 26 & 18.  My 18yo daughter dresses like a boy.  So what?  As long as it does not violate school dress code, let your kid express herself. Her brother did, so why can’t she?  Cause she’s a female.  That’s ridiculous.  If you don’t approve of buying music-oriented tees, tell her to get a job and buy her own clothes.  If she leaves the house looking stupid believe me, her friends will tell her and you won’t have had to say one word against her choice in attire.

I remember my mom using that logic on me when I was a teenager.  I wanted to do things my brother did, but was not allowed to because I was a girl.  I felt it was unfair then and still feel that way now.    I’d rather my daughter wear a Metallica T-shirt and jeans, than a barely there skirt and low-cut blouse like a lot of teenage girls I see now days.

Pick your battles, Mom!  Wearing a heavy metal band t-shirt is really no big deal in the whole scheme of things that she could want to do!  My daughter is 19 now and we’ve been through quite a few situations, but I would have never thought twice about her wearing that kind of t-shirt.  She needs to feel her choices are valid and if you let her brother wear them, then you really have no choice but to let her – otherwise you are promoting a double standard.  As, I say, pick your battles!

Yes, Misunderstood Mom, you are overreacting.  A 16 year old who is a good student and a good kid should have the say of how she dresses.  Unless her clothing is sexually provocative or obscene, let it go.  Choose your battles: is this going to matter in 10 years?

Let her wear them. She is trying to find her identity and this is a lot better than finding her identity through sex and drugs. I did the same thing at 14 and had great grades, was in band, had responsible friends and later went off to college.

Can you say “double standard?”  No, I am not a teenager or twenty-something with no children,  I am a 38 year old mother of two who went through quite a long heavy metal phase in my teens and survived it perfectly well.

Your daughter is wise, not defiant.  This is like judging a book by the cover.  Become allies.and show your daughter that you are also wise.  Pool some money,  go to a screen printing store and get two Metallica T-shirts,  one for each of you.  Place your order.  Your daughters shirt will read “My Mom doesn’t let me wear this shirt”.  Your shirt will read ” I’m Mom”.  Have fun together. Don’t take away her public freedom of speech. 

You must be delusional if you think wearing a t shirt will give the wrong impression. It’s a band. Not a cult. Children need freedom from time to time.

Okay, Mom.  The question is about heavy metal t-shirts that you allowed your son to wear, but feel they are too masculine and represent the wrong image on a female.  My question back to you would be, do you allow your daughter to participate in activities that could be only male dominated?  Would you tell your daughter, for example, that she doesn’t need to learn how to work on her car because that’s what men are for?  What about mowing the lawn, learning about tools, being an engineer instead of a teacher?  If your issue is only because she’s a girl and you don’t care for the way these t-shirts make your daughter look tougher and harder, then  you have an issue.  We need to raise our young women to not be typed cast into any specific gender category..  Women should be who they want to be and if that means wearing concert t-shirts from Metalica then so be it.  If she wants a boys style hair cut, oh well.  Support her don’t discourage her.  You are buying into  stereotypes that women are trying very desperately to get out of.

We need to learn to pick and choose our arguments with our adolescents and believe me an argument over a t-shirt is the least of your worries at this age.  There’s a lot of other issues that are heading your way.  Don’t loose your relationship with your daughter over something as minor as this.  If she begins to see you as the Nazi party (and she will) she won’t trust you.  She won’t come to you when there is a real issue.  Seriously, it’s best to let her express her individuality the way she chooses too, bright red hair and all.  This is the time where they are learning about themselves, trying to separate from their parents and finding out who they are as individuals.  You deny that and you’ll have a much bigger problem on your hands in a matter of time.  

So, it’s alright for your son to give a wrong impression?  Why do some parents think that sons are meant to be “wild” while daughters should be in aprons?  As long as the clothes aren’t offensive or sexually suggestive then I think it would be just fine for any child to wear a rock band t-shirt.

So, it’s alright for your son to give a wrong impression?  Why do some parents think that sons are meant to be “wild” while daughters should be in aprons?  As long as the clothes aren’t offensive or sexually suggestive then I think it would be just fine for any child to wear a rock band t-shirt.

I personally think you are over reacting. If your daughter wants to wear the t-shirts then let her. There will be some people that form unfair opinions about her because of that, but there are plenty that won’t, but I understand your concern. I suggest a compromise. If there is a formal affair, a family outing, or other more formal event ask her to wear something else. If she is hanging out with friends or doing something less informal let her wear the shirts and express who she is. Simply banning them will only cause a bigger fight and during the teen years there will be plenty to fight about. This will help show your daughter that you are still the parent, but also respect her and the identity she is trying to form for herself.

As a recent teenager (female) who DID wear Metallica shirts to the majority of high school, I say let this one go. Not because it’s sexist (I will point out, though, if you let your son choose his clothing, it is) but because your daughter is 16 years old, and it’s just clothing. As long as she is not running afoul of school dress codes, who cares what she wears? And FYI, she’s right: those who judge what she wears at 16 have no place in her life. My best friends from elementary, middle and high school are still close with me after all these years. At present, I am nearing 30, happily married for seven years to a wonderful, intelligent man. We have a house, steady long-term high-paying jobs, two cars that we own free and clear and a dog – none of which we have been gifted. The Metallica, Pantera, Black Sabbath, Megadeth, etc, T-shirts I wore at your daughter’s age did not hinder me in any way.

To quote a famous rocker: “the times, they are a-changin’ “.  In a simpler, bygone era, a t-shirt emblazoned with “Elvis Presley” or “The Beatles” would be cause to suspect that the wearer ran with a “rough crowd” and had “loose morals”.  Now, they would be the kid who listens to the classics.  I don’t think your daughter would be judged so much by the logo on her shirt than by the manner in which it’s worn.  If she’s wearing it with the collar cut off so it shows any cleavage or hangs off the shoulders, pairs it with a skirt so short she can’t bend over without revealing what color underwear she’s wearing and so much make-up that a Ringling Bros. clown would be jealous, then she will get the reputation you fear.  But a properly fitting Metallica shirt with, say, a pair of jeans?  That labels her as nothing more than someone who enjoys the band’s music.   And even more important than the clothes she’s wearing or the manner in which their worn?  Her actions.  Let them speak for who she is, and she will get the reputation she deserves, good or bad.

The daughter is right. In my house my brother and I were treated under the same rules. If you do for one you must do for the other. As far as people forming opinions, I would follow the old saying; ” those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

Speaking as a girl who wore heavy metal t-shirts when I was young, younger than her daughter infact I see nothing wrong with it. I often got my big brother’s hand-me-downs when I was younger and metal shirts were the only ones I really had, besides that he and I shared a mutual love of some bands, including Metallica and so I wore the shirts with pride. However not once was I labeled for it. I was a fantastic student, always friendly and I had a reputation for being a bit of a teacher’s pet. Not once did I get labeled simply for what I wore. It’s not like she’s asking to dress provocatively and if the shirts DO have something offensive on them (ie: cussing or anything sexual.) then you can and probably should deny her rights to where those particular ones, but if they’re just normal band shirts then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that in my opinion. And yes, if you allow her brother to wear them and not her I do agree with her, that’s a big double standard.

It sounds sexist to me too if you think your son can wear it but not your daughter. As long as she is wearing it properly and not tying it in a knot like a bra I think it is ok.

Oh wow. If you’re going to tell your daughter that her clothing sends the “wrong message”, you’d better be able to not only tell her what that message is, but why it’s wrong.

 Just be glad that your daughter doesn’t want to wear provocative clothing. Let her get the t-shirt as long as it doesn’t break your moral standards such as having swearing on the shirts, or support of alcohol or drugs. If they are so bad, why do they let kids wear them to school? 

Sounds like she has a pretty good head on her shoulders about what people think. Go ahead let her wear what she wants, her good sense will get tired of comments and looks she recieves. At 16 shes probably just trying to push your buttons anyway…Been there done that.

If the brother is also minor or at the very least living under your roof, then “what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.” Let her wear it, otherwise you are enforcing a double standard that does appear to be “sexist and unfair,” even though I agree that people may judge the person by the t shirt she or he wears. Therefore such attire should be not be worn when it’s inappropriate. Not at a job interview for example.Personally, I’ve seen ADULTS of both sexes and all ages wearing t shirts inscripted with offensive, stupid, and vulgar illustrations and messages, none of which representing a rock band of any genre, heavy metal or otherwise. And, yes, I did judge the wearer unfavorably.

I wore band t-shirts when I was in high school, and I’m a girl.  I don’t think there’s anything wrong with supporting bands you like.  Why does wearing a t-shirt for a band have to be different for boys and girls and what wrong idea is being perceived by those who see her wearing this shirt?  The ‘wrong idea’ is that boys and girls need to be forced into specific gender roles and ideals.  Girls don’t need to be dressed a certain way just because that’s what society seems to be telling them.  

I’m 17 years old, I’m a girl, and I wear a heavy metal shirt nearly every day of my life. I do believe you’re overreacting, perhaps because you don’t agree with her taste in music or in style. I don’t think you’re being sexist, but it is rather unfair for you to approve the clothing your son wore but forbid your daughter to wear the same style. In my opinion there is absolutely no difference between guys and girls when it comes to clothes, either gender should be allowed to wear whatever they want and not be criticized. It is just a shirt, afterall. It’s not a tattoo, it’s removable and it’s not a permanent mark that she’ll have to live with forever. Regardless, you are her parent so your opinion and decision is going to overrule any desire she proposes. Please keep in mind  teenagers (myself included) need (not just want) a reason for our parent’s decisions. That’s what helps us make our own choices in the future.

You should let her wear them because not letting her and letting your son wear them is sexist. People will form the same opinions of her as they would her son. It shows only her taste in music and becomes a conversation starter for others with the same likes. THAT IS ALL. There really is not a stigma attached to wearing bad shirts. A shirt is just a shirt, nothing more. She is only expressing herself. At least she is not asking to tattoo the band on her body at the age of 16.

Yes, Mom, you are definitely overreacting.  If it is a shirt you would allow your teenage son to wear – not obscene or offensive, then your daughter should be able to wear it also.  I am a 50+ mom who likes metal bands.  I sometimes go to concerts and get t-shirts.  I am wondering what kind of wrong impression my wearing those shirts is giving.  Silly me, I just thought it was showing that I enjoyed the band’s music.  So please let your daughter express her personality in this harmless way.  Sounds to me like you are too concerned about outward appearances.  My daughter was a straight A, honor student who got a full tuition scholarship to a prestigious university.  She went through a period when she had purple stripes in her hair, in my opinion it was a harmless expresion of individuality and she eventually gave it up.   You might try being happy your daughter wants to wear t-shirts instead of tops that barely cover her breasts and truly do give a wrong impression.

You are indeed overreacting. As long as the shirts don’t have profanity or aren’t provocative, I would let her wear them. Teenagers need to express their interests and your daughter just wants to express hers – just as her brothers did (and you were fine with it for them). I’m 47, and have been wearing my favorite band t-shirts since I was 14 – I’m wearing one right now, in fact!

this is just crazy.  when a girl wears these kinds of shirts it gives the wrong impression?  what impression is that, exactly?  this sounds more like mom’s point of view than the world-in-general’s, and it sounds incredibly dated.  daughter sounds like an amazing young woman.  metal fans usually are.  quit being sexist (and silly), and let her wear what she wants.  set some ground rules if you don’t want her wearing shirts with curse words or blood & guts, but to tell your 16 year old daughter that people will get the wrong impression of her because she wears a metallica shirt is just stupid, plain and simple.  what year is this, again? 

I have judged people many times by their t-shirts. I once rejected a job candidate purely because he came to the interview wearing a t-shirt featuring a graphic of a large nose and the wording “Pick a winner.” However, an offensive shirt is an offensive shirt. It has nothing to do with gender. You may want to think about the message your conversation sent to your daughter about what it means to be a woman.

It appears to me that you need to realize that not everyone is as judgmental as you may think. The one girl in my high school that wore heavy metal t-shirts was well liked and respected by teachers and students alike. She also became the valedictorian of my graduating class (1996). In short, let your daughter express herself. Kids are smarter than you think, or remember.

 I’m a college educated 30-year old female with a well-paying, steady, professional job where I’m well-respected by all of my coworkers (both subordinates and superiors). I’m in a wonderful, long-term monogamous relationship with a man who gives me the world. I go to church and do volunteer work on my weekends.

And guess what? When I was 16, practically every single t-shirt I owned and wore was for either a rock or metal band. Those bands were my life. They were how I expressed myself and they also afforded me the luxury of having some sort of conversation starter (as shy and introverted as I was) on a topic that I loved to talk about. My parents never understood (or even liked) rock music, but they always tried to allow me and my siblings an opportunity to foster our likes and interests. They knew that some things, like band t-shirts, would just be a passing phase. The general foundation of morals and beliefs that they provided us with (along with all of that unconditional love) was what helped me and my siblings make such positive life choices as adults.

My advice to you is to not sweat the small things. Let your daughter wear those t-shirts. Heck, throw her a curve ball and try to start making some positive conversation with her about the bands. Having Mom show interest in them will either lead to thinking metal isn’t as cool anymore, or better yet, will allow her to build more respect for you and feel more comfortable talking to you about the bigger issues in life.

Pick your battles, Mom. When I remember what I was up to at 16, wearing a heavy metal tee is nothing! It’s great that your daughter is talking to you about how she feels. Keep that door open, and let her wear the shirt. 

Choose your battles, Mom. When I think about what I was up to at 16, wearing a heavy metal tee is nothing! It’s great that your daughter is open enough to talk to you. Keep that door open, and let her wear the shirt.

Save your battles for more important things Mom! If the tee shirt is exposing her boobs is one thing, but if she is completely covered….be thankful!

You must understand, many teenage girls like heavy metal bands. And what ‘opinions’ are you talking about? That she has a broad range of musical tastes? She’s not getting a tattoo here- try to keep an open mind. You cannot just force her to stop wearing these shirts, especially if her brother wears shirts like them. If you are going to force her to stop wearing band shirts, at least give your daughter a real reason- she at least deserves that!

I think this mom needs to look around and see what most 16-year-old girls are wearing. If I saw a 16-year-old girl wearing a shirt with a band name on it, I’d think she likes that band. If I see a girl wearing skin tight clothing with way too much skin showing, I’m going to think she has a mother who doesnt care what she wears in public!

If the shirt was degrading or vulgar, it would be an issue; however, if it is just an advertisement for a band or album, I don’t see what the big deal is. Especially given the fact that her son was able to wear rock shirts. You can like a band or a type of music regardless of your gender. Sounds like Mom just wants to keep her little girl sweet and innocent a bit longer…..which I get, but she has to grow up eventually….and it’s just a shirt.

As long as it is not cut or shredded or vulgarity,let her express herself, pick your battles.

As the mother of three daughters, aged 23, 20 and 16 I wonder if there may be other more important issues to take a stand on at this age? As your daughter is getting close to the age when she will be going out to work or off to college, its seems she should be trusted to choose her own attire. If you’ve been having an ongoing dialoge with your daughter about clothing and dressing appropriately since she wanted to dress herself (usually age 2-3 for girls), I’m sure she has learned a thing or two, even if she wants to spread her wings a bit now. If you have legitimate concerns about the clothing like profanity or something else offensive, you need to back up our rule with that argument. I’m not a fan of band t-shirts, but I thing telling a teenaged girl that it’s Ok for boys but not for girls is a HUGE problem. It takes the focus off the clothing issue and makes it about what girls are capable or not cabable of just because they are girls.

P.S. Bet none of you expected someone like me to be the only one in my family who reads r.d. on a regular basis. Some of you should take the time to understand something before you decide how wrong it is.

-C.D.

I think that she should be allowed to wear the shirt it’s not hurting anything. Plus you can’t allow one child to wear rock shirts and not let the other due to gender i think it sends a bad message. Honestly I’d understand being against it if she wanted to wear low cut shirts and really short shorts but it’s just a rock tee shirt i don’t see the big deal.

As a recently retired HS teacher of 33 years, I’m encouraged that there are at least some parents out there who monitor what their children wear & care about the impression it makes. If there is nothing obscene, nude, etc., this is not a battle to fight. What we teachers are so sick of seeing is cleavage, bare stomachs & navels showing, not to mention butt cracks & thong strings. Why not just come to school naked? Teenagers are not adults. Childhood & that includes teenage-hood, is training for adulthood & independence. & learning necessary life lessons.  Life in every arena is full of limts & rules & laws.  In order to be successful in a job or in life in general, this is an important lesson they need to learn BEFORE they are “out there” going for job and/or college interviews, applying for & working at a job, etc. Again, I appreciate Mom’s concern; but if no obscenity, etc., let this one go & concentrate on the more important issues.

The real problem here is the double standard.  At the risk of sounding like a feminist, young men are alotted many more liberties than young women.  After this particular issue, what is to stop more double standards from occurring in this home?  If the mother has already allowed her son to wear heavy metal t-shirts or the like, the daughter has just as much a right to do so.  Dr. Seuss wisely wrote, “Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”  The daughter has a point; if someone was to make a judgment about her based on what she is wearing, it is a reflection on them, not her. 

The only “impression” given by wearing a t-shirt for a band, is that the person likes that band. Unless the shirt has profanity or nudity on it, you are being very unreasonable here. As a parent, you have to pick your battles. Your kid wants to wear a shirt for a band she apparently likes. So what? Your only reason for opposing  her choice is that you don’t think girls should wear t-shirts for those bands. Your daughter is 100% correct that this is a sexist, unfair, and irrational opinion on your part. Let your kid wear the stupid shirt, and take a long, hard look at your reasoning behind this and other parenting decisions you make.

I’m wondering the mother’s real line of thought here. Who are these people whose opinions she’s so worried about? If her daughter wears a shirt for a completely mainstream (not heavy metal by any definition of the word, just rock) band, is she not going to get into college? Not going to get a job? (I’m presuming she wouldn’t wear a t-shirt to a job interview.) Be ostracized from her church?

If no ill effects accrued to the son based on rock t-shirts, why would things be worse for the daughter? Does this family live in some odd enclave where teen girls don’t wear all kinds of t-shirts and jeans regularly?

The whole thing seems odd. And yes, sexist and ridiculous. My mother had a saying “are they my boss, my mother or paying my bills? No? Then their opinion doesn’t matter.” And it’s true. What other people think about us doesn’t have to have any effect on us. It’s not even really any of our business. Mom needs to worry about other people less and her own kids more.

What kind of impression does a girl wearing a Metallica t-shirt give?  My sister and I both wore Metallica t-shirts at that age, and younger.  I think Metallica t-shirts are less offensive than most of the clothing that young girls wear.  She should be happy her daughter wants to wear a shirt that would actually cover her body instead of walking around in a shirt that looks like a bra and shorts that barely cover her butt. 

The daughter is right, it’s unfair and biased.  Hard rock shirts don’t make the person.  Just draw the line at no shirts with offensive writing or print/drawings.  

I agree with the daughter – the mother is being sexist and unfair.  I’m a girl, and as I teenager I too spent my life in rock and metal shirts; I loved music and loved concerts and liked to support my favorite bands. Did society judge me? Did I give the “wrong impression?” Maybe. Did I care? No. Wearing my Metallica shirts didn’t stop me from graduating at the top of my high school and college classes, earning a PhD in biology, and having an amazing career.  I’m 30 now and I still go to rock concerts and still wear my band shirts and still don’t care what other people think of my clothes.  Mom needs to stop being superficial and stop worrying about what society thinks…life isn’t about pleasing the masses, but about being an individual and a good person.

When the mother allowed the son to wear the heavy metal band shirts & not the daughter, it was unfair to the daughter.What is the “wrong impression” the girl is showing by wearing the band t-shirts? Not all teenagers/adults who wear these t-shirts use drugs or worship the devil; it simply means they like this music band. As a teenager & adult I wear heavy metal band shirts. My mother didn’t care that me & my brother wore heavy metal t-shirts as teenagers;I wore his Metallica shirt & he wore my Pantera shirt. My mother was glad that we could share unisex shirts of our favorite bands. Neither my brother or I use drugs, we just like heavy metal music, & wear these type of shirts.

Misunderstood Mom IS overreacting. Wearing band tshirts is common for everyone who likes particular musical groups. If she feels that strongly about her daughter sending the wrong type of impression then what would be fair is not allowing her son to do also because boys wearing certain tshirts could also be construed as giving a wrong impression. I think (as a mom of 6 kids) that both kids are expressing themselves through the music they like via tshirts logos and believe it or not it leads to making aquainteces the children have something in common with

Yes, you are in fact, overreacting.  This is a t-shirt that we’re talking about here.  By not letting her wear it because of what others might think, you’re showing her a couple of different things.  You’re basically telling her that it’s ok to judge based on what someone is wearing.  Another thing that’s being expressed to her, is that what she wants is less important than her brother’s wants. 
Really.  It’s a t-shirt.  It will be taken off and something else put in its place tomorrow.  Come ask again when she wants a tattoo or piercing.

its a tee shirt pick your battles. if this is the worst thing she wants to wear I see no problem

         Being a
teenager is rough. Being a parent of a teenager is rough also. I think at this
age you really need to pick your battles. At her age it is very important for
her to develop he autonomy and express her individuality. I would say as long
as it follows the school dress code she can make the choice in what she wears. She
is the one who goes to school everyday and see what the other kids are wearing
and is probably making the choice to dress in line with what her friends are
wearing.

          If it’s
still not acceptable to you I would say maybe make a compromise and say those
kinds of shirts are only for sleeping and working out. That’s the compromise I made
for my self. I still have a lot of my favorite band shirts but I wouldn’t wear
them to work as an adult.

As a mother of three girls the “its okay because he’s a boy” argument doesn’t fly. It is sexest and sending the wrong message. Does she think people didn’t judge her son for rocker t-shirts? Humans judge. there’s always going to be someone thinking her skirts too short, his hairs too long etc. Im sure in 16 years this mom has raised a smart, self confident, young woman,that will show through no matter what she wears. And if someone doesn’t see it its their lose.

What kind of mother are you to deny your daughter the right to wear what she likes? From what I can tell, you don’t have a problem with the bands themselves, but with the image they project, thinking that your daughter might come off as ‘loose’, ‘tawdry’, or ‘rowdy’ by wearing those shirts. Tell me, does wearing glasses make someone smart? Does wearing a tie make them automatically professional? Does wearing a skirt make them feminine? (Might I direct your attention to the kilt.) Clothing is nothing more than fabric we cover ourselves with, and if your daughter wants to express herself via the band t-shirts, then who are you to deny her the right to? Perhaps she likes the bands and wants people to know that? By denying her the right to wear them while you let your son wear them, you are also setting a standard that men and women are not equals, meaning your daughter is right, you are being a sexist in that respect.
People shouldn’t be judging your daughter solely by what it says on her shirt. They should be judging her based on her morals, values, education, etc., and you should be teaching your daughter that. Telling her that “it’s different for guys and girls” and “it gives the wrong impression” implies that you have delegated your daughter to a role that women fought hard to break out of: the subjugated 50′s housewife. Your daughter sounds strong, intelligent, and independent, and you should be praising these qualities, not treating her as if she’s acting like a tramp. Don’t make your daughter feel like you consider her worthless just because she doesn’t want to wear pink.

-光 ♠

Coming from a fellow 16 year old, I think it’s alright for her to wear such a t-shirt as long as her other attributes aren’t giving the wrong impression (i.e. odd piercings, crazy colored hair, etc). If she genuinely likes a band like Metallica, then why not show the world and make friends with similar interests? If she’s interested in the shirt to try to be edgy and give off a too-cool-for-school vibe, then I wouldn’t let her wear it because she’s not being herself and could definitely be judged negatively just for that.

Coming from a fellow 16 year old, I think it’s alright for her to wear such a t-shirt as long as her other attributes aren’t giving the wrong impression (i.e. odd piercings, crazy colored hair, etc). If she genuinely likes a band like Metallica, then why not show the world and make friends with similar interests? If she’s interested in the shirt to try to be edgy and give off a too-cool-for-school vibe, then I wouldn’t let her wear it because she’s not being herself and could definitely be judged negatively just for that.

I believe that with teens you have to pick your fights. If the other girls in her class are wearing similar t-shirts and the school has no policy forbidding it then let her do it. There will be a lot more important things later on which to stand your ground.

I have to agree with the daughter on this one. Especially if she genuinely enjoys the bands’ music and wants to share that with people. Parents shouldn’t play favorites by allowing one child to do something (or wear something) and not allow other children the same opportunity. I don’t see how a girl wearing a Metallica shirt could give a wrong impression any more than a guy wearing it would, and I agree with the daughter that if someone judges her based on her clothing, then their opinion shouldn’t matter anyway. She’s 16; she’s old enough to make decisions for herself and make her own mistakes. You’ll only have her for a couple more years, do you really want to spend that time arguing about the little things?

Are you over-reacting? In a word – YES. There are so many more important things in life than you being her wardrobe cop. So she likes Heavy Metal music, it’s no big deal and it could be a lot worse. At this age, kids want to express themselves and show what they like. I don’t know what people you think she would be giving wrong impressions to. She’s a teenager, & a girl. Have you seen what some of the 16 year old girls are wearing, or not wearing these days? Plus, she’s 16 and in 2 more years will legally be an adult, who can wear what she wants. Stifle her now and she could go way off just to irritate you. It’s a tee shirt, nothing really bad on there. In fact it’s quite harmless, if you ask me, and I’m 59 years old. You have to pick your battles wisely so that they will be disagreements not wars. What you have instilled in her, up to now, is who she is inside, not what she wears.

It’s OK for the teen to wear the tee shirt. Her argument is valid.  As mothers, we raise children as to how we remember life when we were teen-agers.In your day, mom, maybe your viewpoint was valid. However, there are so many other things out there that are truly worse for teens, that a tee-shirt issue is small potatoes. However, I would argue that explicit sex, profanity, or anything offensive on the shirt is a no-go.

You’re being ridiculous and unfair. Your daughter is right, she isn’t being unruly. People probably judge your son too, there is a certain personna that goes with wearing hard rock t-shirts, for both men and women. People who judge her on what she wears are rude . Probably people you don’t want her being with, if they’re that shallow. There is no reason she shouldn’t wear what she wants unless it is too revealing. You should stop over reacting to what she wears. Let her wear the T-shirts or stop letting your son wear them. 

Speaking as a mom of a 17-year-old, I would have to say you are overreacting. If the t-shirt was good enough for the brother to wear, why shouldn’t your daughter be able to wear it too? It’s for a heavy metal band, not drugs. I’m not sure what ‘impression’ your daughter would be giving by wearing this shirt or any band shirt. Just remember, if you raised her to make the right decisions in life, she’s going to be fine. As far as what other people think because of a shirt, I have to agree with your daughter. She could be wearing worse clothes. 

This is mother’s house, her rules apply to her children while they still live there, regardless if the daughter or son agree with them or not. In two years, if and when daughter move out, she can wear whatever she pleases.
If her mother thinks rock tee shirts are not lady-like attire, the mother is entitled to her beliefs and shouldn’t be made to change her mind because “everyone else is doing it”.

Dear Misunderstood Mom,
There comes a time in life where, “sexism” issues arise. Your daughter does have an interesting point though. If you allow society to dictate what she should/shouldn’t wear, she will not find her individuality. In my personal opinion, unless it’s harmful to herself, allow her a little freedom of choice in clothes. She may just thank you for it later

I am a 56 year old mother of two daughters soon to become a Grandmother and I I agree with your daughter and you do owe her your explanation as to why you feel the way you do about this!  There are a lot of small minded people in the world and their thoughts should not control your life or your daughters! The people who matter in her life are aware of what kind of person she is! I went through the dark stage with both of my daughters and I let them be their own person to a point! Each child is a different person , not that you love one more then the other, just know how to handle each one in the same situation !

I’m a father of a daughter in her early teens who is definitely not a “typical” girl. She loves T-shirts & jeans, and yes some are heavy metal shirts. My ex-wife is constantly battling w/her to be more girly & I have always supported her self expression. I don’t, however, undermine her mother and constantly remind her that she must always be respectful and follow her mothers rules in that home. Doing this has brought me with her because she is allowed to genuinely be her self & we have a wonderful relationship. One where a modern teenage daughter talks to her father about what she feels. I agree with your daughter that this is sexist & sends a message that you treat her different just because she is a girl. I say drop the rule, allow for more self expression and use that opportunity to open more lines of conversation with your kids.

I was a single mom of three teenagers in the 1980′s.  My oldest daughter was into radical clothing, hairstyles and “being her own person.”  My second daughter was into heavy metal, wearing chains, spikes and black clothing with heavy makeup.  My youngest, my son, was not quite as much an indivualist as his sisters but he did have some crazy hairdos!  I let them go through their “phase” but not allowing tattoes and piercings other than ears.  My oldest daughter is a Major in the US Army, has been deployed 4 times to Iraq and has served her country for 18 years. My heavy metal daughter is a Reverand and is a missionary in Romania in children’s ministries.  My son, who had the heart of an angel died in 2006 defending his country in Iraq.  Let them have their “phases”.  I believe our children learn more from life experiences than those who are not given that freedom.

I’ve seen 16 year old girls who wear sexually suggestive, age-inappropriate clothing.  This is dangerous.  Wearing a T-shirt with her favorite heavy metal band?  It’s a harmless way for her to express herself.  Please, count your blessings.

Ummm. Hello?are we stuck in the fifties? Really how again is it different from boys then girls? I can’t tell you how frustrating that is to still hear and I am in my fourties.i get it’s not your preferred style, but the more you tell her you don’t like for those exact reasons, she will want it more then ever. Perhaps you say not the best colors on you or cut, but yes you can wear that. It’s probably the vintage style she is going for more so then the sex drugs and rock n roll deal that you were probably doing yourself. And you didn’t turn out so bad, did you? Just keep in mind if she is a good soul like you raised her then trust you did a good job, and let her spread her wings just a bit. Let het express herself. I mean she asked you for permission at sixteen, that’s almost unheard off. Only until you see unhealthy signs of life then I think it would be concerned. One last thing, don’t we also teach our kids to not judge a book by its cover? Which is more important? A stepford daughter or one that knows who she is?

you should let her wear a more extreme heavy metal shirt and take her to walk around the town for a while. Then you can ask her if she really do not care about other opinion.

1. Wearing a hard rock or metal shirt will not make your daughter a drug-addled, booze-filled bastion of promiscuity … But overbearing, intolerant and irrational parenting might.
2. This might be just the opportunity you need to have a discussion about appropriate attire – enforcing the idea that one should choose carefully the time, place, and activities where dressing ‘down’ in something like a rock tour shirt would be acceptable. Hanging with friends? Go for it. Job interview? Unless that prospective job is ‘Roadie for Metallica’ then No.
3. If you let her brother wear those clothes, you are on awfully shaky ground to find any solid reason for this double standard. Or do you want to further enhance the wonderful world of ‘Boys can, Women can’t?’
4. Final point: wearing a rock shirt today isn’t the same as it was back in the day. I routinely see teens wearing shirts from groups ( like Metallica and even further back like Zepplin and Hendrix) who they probably barely have ever heard, much less who they have ever seen in concert live. In other words, no one is going to see your fresh-faced 16-year old daughter and confuse her with the haggard 42-year old sabertoothed veteran groupie they saw heading backstage at the Def Leppard concert some eons ago.

Fortunately, the days of double standards are pretty much a thing of the past (a teenage metalhead is a teenage metalhead regardless of gender).  By wearing a heavy metal T-shirt, your daughter is engaging in a form of self-expression – a normal and healthy part of growing up.  Will people prejudge her?  Perhaps.  But they will soon discover that she is really the wonderful person that you are raising her to be.  And she will learn soon enough that there are times when appearance does matter (like during that all-important job interview).  In a day when so many young girls are going to extreme measures to conform to unrealistic expectations, your daughter is steadfast on remaining true to who she is.  So the next time she puts on that Metallica T-shirt, giver her a hug and tell her that you are proud of the strong woman that she is becoming.

There is nothing wrong with a teenage girl showing her music appreciation through the clothes she wears. She is expressing her love of excellent musicians, such as Metallica, and although her mother does not appreciate the same type of music, she should allow her daughter to express herself in her own way. I agree with the daughter on this issue, and if the mother continues to argue against her daughter’s freedom of speech and clothing, she will end up putting much more of a gap in their relationship than their difference in music and fashion. I am a 45 year old grandmother now, but I have worn Metallica and other heavy metal band t-shirts since teenage years, and still wear them today. You need to pick your battles, and let your daughter pick her own clothes.
Michelle Pabst
Greeley, Colorado

Let me say (as a mother of six….all grown) what hundreds of others are thinking. “REALLY?”
Just be glad she wants to wear a shirt! She’s expressing herself AND appreciating a certain genre of music. Trust me, someday you’ll look back at this & wonder why you even worried. Like they say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
Lou Ann,  McKinney, TX

Let me say (as a mother of six….all grown) what hundreds of others are thinking. “REALLY?”
Just be glad she wants to wear a shirt! She’s expressing herself AND appreciating a certain genre of music. Trust me, someday you’ll look back at this & wonder why you even worried. Like they say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
Lou Ann,  McKinney, TX

Let me say (as a mother of six….all grown) what hundreds of others are thinking. “REALLY?”
Just be glad she wants to wear a shirt! She’s expressing herself AND appreciating a certain genre of music. Trust me, someday you’ll look back at this & wonder why you even worried. Like they say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
Lou Ann,  McKinney, TX

Honestly, what does it matter if she wants to wear Heavy Metal band shirts? Let her express herself. And it isn’t fair that you let one child (no matter what gender) wear the shirts and not the other. And your daughter is right. If someone would form an opinion of her based on a T-shirt then who cares what they say? It’s not like she wants to wear short skimpy skirts and shirts that barely cover anything. I wore heavy metal shirts as a teenager and you know what? It didn’t give off a bad impression. If anything, it helped break the ice when meeting new people and forming friendships because we had a similar interest. And heavy metal isn’t something that is gender related so what does it matter if a girl listens to heavy metal music and wears heavy metal band t-shirts and other merchandise? 

I would let the girl wear the shirt, I mean it is just a rock band shirt, it is not like it says ” I will have sex with anyone for free”.  What possible wrong message could a mother think a rock band shirt would give? “Oh my she likes rock music so she is easy”? Come on people that is 1950′s thinking. Expressing appreciation for a band’s musical talents does not mean a thing about the persons ability to make good moral decisions. If the mom is worried about that aspect, maybe she feels guilty for not instilling the proper virtues in her children.

What exactly do you think people will think of her? Are you worried about what they will think of her, or you?
My mother and I had the same issue when I was younger. Kind of. What your daughter wants to do is nothing compared to the things I did. I went all out. And it scared my mother. She was afraid of how people would judge me (I gave her the same reasoning as your daughter did you, and I stick by it to this day) and she worried it was the beginning of something more sinister. The truth was, it was simply how I expressed myself. And it really didn’t affect my life. Not then, and not now. I never got into the things that my mother feared I might, I never received the negative attention she thought I would. And honestly, if a Metallica T-shirt is the biggest issue you have with her, count your blessings and buy her more. 

my advice is; choose your battles.  if the son gets to wear the t-shirts, then so should the daughter.  we’re talking tees not drugs or anything else harmful.  be happy that’s what she wants to wear.  it could be thongs with bikini tops, or something worse.

As a sixteen year old I wore band shirts, was also allowed to dye my hair any color, and my ears held 16 piercings. I am now a 23 year old college graduate with 3 degrees that I paid for myself with the job that I held since I was a punky sixteen-year-old, I am married and about to buy a house. Most of the company I kept at that age are doing just as well as I. You might be overreacting, but a girl with a response as mature and thoughtful as that is going to do just fine in life: It’s only a t-shirt!

I would not want my son in a situation I would not allow my daughter in.  Once, my uncle refused to allow his daughter to go to a party because he said things could get out of hand.  Some boys may be drinking, and could force her to do things she didn’t want to do.  She might even be raped.  He, however, thought it was fine to allow her younger brother to go.  My question to him was, “Do you want your son to go to a party where someone could get raped?”   Some people will judge a person based on a Metallica tee.  However, they won’t care whether the wearer is male or female.  Does it matter to you that others may think less of your son?  I hope you can answer the same as for your daughter.

Dear Misunderstood Mom,
I’m a 42 yr old elementary school teacher… and a lifelong heavy metal fan and a father of two boys.
I say Let her wear the shirt(s). 
There are many more female heavy metal fans today then there was 10-20+ years ago and heavy metal has become more ‘mainstream’ over the past decade or so. Not only has the music been exposed to a broader audience, the fashion of the genre too has spread and crossed social ‘classes’ of people. I’ve had a few females comment to me about a concert shirt I’ve been wearing and make comments about liking that particular band’s music, etc…
I don’t believe allowing her to wear a heavy metal t-shirt, especially one for Metallica, will send any other message than her being a fan of heavy metal music(if she is) and/or a fashionable young lady.
Actions and behaviors will do much more to give the ‘wrong impressions’ than a heavy metal t-shirt will.

Tell both your children they can’t wear such t-shirts. I think your daughter knows better who she is and whether or not she should be worried about what other people will think of her. As long as she’s  (or your son for that matter) not wearing Metallica T-Shirts to job interviews, let her express herself. If wearing a t-shirt is the thing she wants to do to be a rebel, you should thank all that is holy that that’s the worst she wants to do, you could be a grandmother to a crack baby.

If the shirts are indecent, obscene or gross, then neither your son nor your daughter should be wearing them.  However, if they only contain band names and images, then I’m sorry Mom, you are over reacting and wrong.  I do not believe most people would judge a person by a band T-shirt. 
By the way, I am 71 years old, have raised my children and am enjoying my grandchildren, so I’ve been through these stages more than once.

I understand the point the mother is trying to make.  People will always stereotype over silly things like t-shirts. But, I have to give her 16 year old daughter major kudos for knowing people who judge or look down on her for wearing those shirts are not even worth her time.  It’s a good lesson to learn – people will judge, they’ll talk about you, they might even dislike you – but I think the mother could learn from her daughter here.  What I can’t wrap my head around is that the mother doesn’t seem the slightest bit worried about her son’s reputation.  People could and probably do think certain things about him for wearing those shirts as well.

You’re overreacting. It’s a t shirt. It lets the child express her interests. She’s right-if others don’t like it then it shows they have nothing in common. It’s better then a nipple piercing or dying her hair green. Try to remember when you were a teen. Pick your battles –this one seems pointless to me.

You should absolutely let your daughter wear the heavy metal band shirts. She is at the age where she can decide what impression she wants to display. As a recent high school graduate, I was grateful when my mom allowed me to wear lots of dark clothes and metal band shirts, because it was just how I wanted to express myself. Of course, wearing them to things like church and family gatherings is a whole other deal – I wouldn’t wear them to those types of events. But especially since you let your son wear these types of shirts, it really is unfair of you to not let your daughter wear them just because she’s a girl.

Seriously? Yeah, and grown men shouldn’t watch My Little Pony because it’s inappropriate and doesn’t fit to the norms of our society. When the Bronies take over and end world problems we’ll all still be angry because there isn’t enough discrimination and the world no longer fits into a box that  we then fit into a smaller box and then mail to ourselves and THEN SMASH IT WITH A GIANT HAMMER. Sorry, I had to get that out my system. Anyway, denying someone something because of their gender is called discrimination. Funny word, you should look it up sometime. If you love your daughter as much as your son, and oh heavens, I hope you do…wait, pause for a second. Did your son start doing unlawful things because he was wearing a Metallica t-shirt? If yes, are you sure it wasn’t just how you raised him? Or is this whole argument just because your girl is different because she’s  a girl and shouldn’t be treated the same (because she’s a girl) and the end? Like the same way a man shouldn’t wear pink? (This is where men who wear pink all yell out “It’s salmon!” and everyone else rolls their eyes.) As for the point of children not being little people, I would agree. But teenagers are a tad different. If you don’t allow them the ability to make choices, even ones that you don’t agree with, then how do you expect them to function in the world without your guidance? Now THAT will probably not turn out well, unlike a girl wearing a rock t-shirt. Anyway, if you chose to use gender bias when raising your children I hope they move out as soon as possible and in with someone that makes them happy, male or female. Or group. Hell, what do I care? Let’s go with whatever option makes you the most uncomfortable.

I don’t understand what you think it says about a girl who wears Metallica shirts as opposed to a boy. In your mind does it mean she is easy, slutty or even maybe doing drugs. If that is what you”re thinking then I guess your son must have been a hoodlum, sex crazed, drug addicted and must be currently incarcerated. But i’m betting that he is not and for you to have these preconceived ideas for your daughter just because she is a girl is the very definition of the word SEXISM.   Your daughter has the right just like her brother to show who she is and what kind of music she likes. It would be a different story if she had a shirt on showing support for Hitler or some other misogynist then I think it would be negligent not to stop that, but a Mettalica shirt, come on!!!   When I was a teenage girl I had all kinds of heavy metal concert shirts (from actual concerts I went to) and other shirts that showed the world who I was and what I liked.  I have you know that I didn’t turn out any less of woman for it. I happen to be happily married for 27 years to a man who knew me when I was teenager and we have 2 beautiful daughters ages 19 and 15 who I have allowed to be themselves as long as they didn’t hurt themselves or anyone else.  I remember a slogan a long time ago that was directed at women that said  ”WE’VE COME A LONG WAY BABY!. But I guess in your mind we haven’t. You need to let your daughter be who she is and if you have done a good job parenting then you shouldn’t worry. Because if your son was fine so will your daughter. But if you continue to tell her about what kind of girl she is going to be when wearing a Mettalica shirt then SHE WON’T. And then you will have no one else to blame but yourself when she rebels because you treated her brother differently than you treated her. And that would be tragic!!

Do the shirts promote harmful activities such as drugs or violence? Does the band itself? If not, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her wearing the shirts. As for the gender thing – I’m with your daughter, sorry. If something truly is  dangerous or has bad messages, then it applies to both genders.

Sorry Mom, but you are being sexist and unfair. If you had a problem in general with Metallica and other heavy metal shirts that would be one thing. But since you’ve let her brother wear similar shirts you are sending your daughter a mixed message. As a former 16 year old girl who wore Metallica, Slayer, Anthrax, etc. T’s as a teenager, I say let her express herself. Her choice in music does not define who she is and I really don’t see how a girl who wears such T-shirts gives the “wrong impression”.

Yes you are overreacting. Your daughter is expressing herself. As long as it doesn’t have obsene language or gestures then let her wear them. Also is your daughter doing well in school, does she respect you and others then the shirts are fine she is just expressing herself

Parents are not required to give any explanations for their decisions. However, perhaps you should examine your reasons for A.) allowing one of your children to wear or do something that you will not allow another of your children to (yes there are many factors such as age but sex of the child should not be one of them. Be glad she isn’t requesting a miniskirt) and B.) exactly what impression do you think people would be forming from your daughter that they may not have already formed of your son. Her response of not allowing others to add or detract from her selfworth based on some silly tshirt tells me she is mature enough to handle a lot more than most teens today. Besides, haven’t you ever heard of picking your battles? Let her wear band tshirts and she’ll grow out of it.

If she likes heavy metal, she likes heavy metal! Dont discourage her from showing personality. Confidence is a big teen issue these days. Maybe she just wants to win an argument, or looks up to her brother. If she starts listen ing to heavy metal and wearing these T-shirts 24/7, maybe its time to set limits.

Mom, you got it all wrong.  Letting your daughter wear a Metallica T-shirt only gives one impression (three, actually): she likes heavy metal, doesn’t care for girly stuff, and she’s confident in herself to hang with her male counterparts as their equal, not their toy.  Trust me on this one, the boys who are worth her attention will appreciate that more than the snobby class queen who won’t even look at them.

Mom is totally overreacting in a sexist way. She lets her son, but not her daughter because she thinks people will think her daughter is a slut?! It sounds like mom has the judgmental opinion. So long as the shirts don’t have offensive text or imagery, It is 2012; let your daughter show off the fact that she has awesome taste in music.

Depends on what your goal is. If you’re trying to turn your
sometimes squirrely teen into a responsible adult, then she needs practice
making good decisions. And even though she’ll make what you consider foolish
choices sometimes — she still needs the chance. There will be enough behaviors
you can’t compromise on, when you can
let her choose – do it. But don’t be surprised if she doesn’t wear them all
that much. Part of it may just be the battle to be treated “fairly”.

Depends on what your goal is. If you’re trying to turn your
sometimes squirrely teen into a responsible adult, then she needs practice
making good decisions. And even though she’ll make what you consider foolish
choices sometimes — she still needs the chance. There will be enough behaviors
you can’t compromise on, when you can
let her choose – do it. But don’t be surprised if she doesn’t wear them all
that much. Part of it may just be the battle to be treated “fairly”.

Yes, I think she is not only overreacting, but she is being sexist. I dealt with something similar when I was her age. I think the girl is right on, she is just trying to express a little individuality. Now that I am a mom, I get that the mom doesn’t want her daughter to be perceived as something she is not. But like the daughter said, if someone thinks badly of her because of a band t-shirt, then they have the problem, not this girl. The mom should be proud that her daughter is comfortable doing her own thing and not conforming to what society says should be acceptable. Seems like the mom could take a lesson from her daughter…let her wear them!!

Yes, you are overreacting ! Go together and get a “matching T-shirt.  Mom daughter bonding at its best.  Ask yourself this:  Is your daughter a kind and good person.  Does she show respect towards other people. Is she a teenager.  I have been there and done it!  My two girls are now 28 and 22.  We went through blue hair, (wash out color), one nose piercing, multiple ear piercing, and one small tattoo that reads I Am Blessed.  I’m happy to report that both girls are college graduates and the eldest got her masters in fine arts. The blue hair was a quick wash out, the nose piercing lasted a month, the multiple ear piercings are still there with tiny stud earrings, and the tattoo says it all.  Not only is she Blessed-but so am I.

It’s just a t-shirt. While you may not approve, it is not racist, sexist etc. At 16 she should have a major voice in her clothes within reason. In a couple years she will be wearing what she wants regardless. The values you have have taught will prevail. This may be comforting or frightening …

With me being a 17 year old guy, I do feel you are overreacting just a little bit. I see your point of the shirt sending the wrong message, but you never know. Also, if you feel it sends the wrong message, just let her wear it around the house. And, as my mom would would put it, “As long as you live under my roof, you will wear what i see fit.” So, i look at it like this…..you are doing the right thing, if you feel that it is not appropriate for your daughter, then have her sell it or donate the shirts to a goodwill.

My advice: first pick your battles.  It’s my #1 Rule when dealing with my two kids.  Arguing with her daughter about wearing a t-shirt is a waste or time & energy; the  kid is going to wear the shirt anyway, she’ll just make sure her mom never knows.   Second:  she probably should not have told her daughter it was acceptable for her brother(s) to wear a certain t-shirt but not her (just because of the daughter’s gender). WOW! Big mistake there.   Pitting one sibling against another, never a good idea.  Perhas mom could explain to the young lady: a  Metallica T isn’t appropriate for church, school or formal occasions (what t-shirt is?), but on the weekends, or after school around the house, or to wer to a friend’s house–acceptable.  This way daughter gets to wear her favorite grunge shirt & mom only has to see it once-in-a-while.  And the daughter learns that moms make  mistakes, but are willing to see all sides of an argument.

The daughter is in the right here… what kind of “idea” does she think this is giving – that her daughter is a person with her own tastes in music and clothes?!  Heaven forbid – let the mother clutch her pearls all she wants, but to the daughter here, I say ROCK ON!  (Side note: when wearing a Rush shirt many years ago, a male acquaintance expressed surprise – and he explained, and I quote, “I didn’t think girls liked Geddy Lee’s voice.”  He remained an acquaintance and never became a friend of mine.)

Hi misunderstood mom, please do not be upset,think if only at 16 one follows a 32 year(just presuming)this world would be so free of all the lurking dangers. Be gentle but firm and share your fears honestly with your baby.Tell her of your love and concern and still leave the final decision to her.If u have been truly caring she will never break your heart. All the best.Place trust in her she will surprise you.

After raising five children alone and having them all turn out as decent adults, I would say yes you are overreacting.  You have already instilled the values you want your daughter to have by now, and a teeshirt depicting a band is not going to change her into some crazed person. Also it really is no different whether a teenage boy or girl wears the shirt. It will not make her less of a lady and it will not make him more macho.  

I think the most disturbing thing that this mother had to say was: “I explained that it’s different for guys and that when a girl wears that type of shirt she gives the wrong impression.”.  Whoa there, Sally…….the only thing, to me, that is “different for guys and girls” is their anatomy (and even that can be rectified in this day and age!).  I am a 33 year-old mother of a son and daughter and would happily let my little girl wear whatever she wanted to.  Actually, I do.  She helps pick out her own clothing and not all of it is pink and princess (there are a few skulls and crossbones here and there).  When I was in high school, my parents did not limit my apparel choices and happily bought my Metallica, Nine Inch Nails, Korn and Marilyn Manson shirts.  As for the “wrong impression” I was giving, WELL, that sort of thinking is narrow-minded and bigoted.  I was an honors student, towards the top of my class and a pre-med major (with a double minor).  I had plenty of scholarships and was accepted to my top-choice schools.  I don’t see any bad impressions there.  My friends parent’s adored me, as well as all of my teachers.  Before you hand down your judgement of “heavy metal” bands, and the people who listen to that type of music, take the time to listen to it.  Most listeners have open minds and are quite intelligent.  I also want to note that one of my double minors was in music and my favorite composer is Beethoven.  I listen to almost every genre of music and take pride in my documented very high I.Q. (needed if you want to join MENSA).  Let the girl wear her shirt and show her that the Women’s Movement really did happen.  Get out of the kitchen and let your husband make his own sandwich.

-Liberated Happily-Divorced Mother of Two Gorgeous Children

You are just picking fights with your daughter over trivial things.  Do you really want to teach her to argue and pick apart every little thing?  How a girl feels about herself is going to send off more messages than any shirt she is wearing.  You  can chat with her about why she likes a particular band and what kind of influence they have on their fans.  Encouraging her to think about  these things will do a lot more in the long run than forcing your opinion on a teen that is just learning to make non-reactive decisions between right and wrong.

As a 17 year old myself I can see her reasoning, but I also see your concerns. You don’t want your  little girl turning into a heavy metal junkie who sits on the side of the road with not a dollar to her name, wasting her money on drugs and alcohol. Though the shirts sometimes bring a negative image, I can almost guarantee that she’ll grow out of this phase and is most likely going through it because a) she legitimately likes the music or b) she likes the music because her friends like the music; that’s just how high school works. By telling her she’s not allowed to wear the shirt she feels like you’re holding her back from who she really wants to be. Being a teenager means that your image is constantly shifting, my parents always told me “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” and that’s helped me in a lot of stations. Your daughter will stay the same person no matter what clothing she chooses to wear. All in all, let your daughter wear whatever she wants (in reason) she’ll feel like you trust her and your relationship will be closer, and stronger, than ever.

I think it is sexist & unfair to allow her son and not her daughter to wear these types of shirts. Unless she’s slicing it into a barely there shirt, the only thing it says about a girl who wears a rock band t-shirt is that she likes either their music or the design of the shirt. I’m a 50 year old woman and I would let my teenager wear one.

I have 3 daughters. They had 3 rules. Dont take drugs, dont get pregnant and dont die. I say lighten up mom. your daughter is searching for her individuality. The more you hate the shirt, the more she will wear it, Worry about bigger issues. This is just a passing phase. 

Where do my gosh darn posts keep going?

A parent ought to allow their child, especially age 16, to dress as they like. Girls are individuals as are boys so wearing a Metallica t-shirt expresses their own individual tastes, not their gender. Society’s dictates with feminine clothing is a sociological pressure that inhibits freedoms. Would the Mom prefer a low-cut blouse or a sexy skirt? A Mom who thinks a girl wearing her favorite band t-shirt as “giving the wrong impression” is a sexist who looks at women in a narrow perspective and limits her own understanding of her child’s interests, causing more problems than not.

I think for a 16 year old you should give the reason(s) you think it is not a good idea, and then let her make the decision. You certainly can nix buying it, based on your strong feelings; I’m all for that.  So, if she wants to purchase it herself, then I’d say allow it.  If this was a matter of safety or sleaziness I would have a slightly different response, but it’s just a t-shirt, and not profane.

Dear Misunderstood Mom,
Exactly what “wrong impression” are you concerned your daughter will give that your son did not?  I would think that allowing your 16 year old to wear a Metallic shirt would be a better impression than say a shirt touting Katy Perry’s “I kissed a girl” or mini skirts and halter tops. Ultimately, as the parent, you need to decide your family values and stick to them, but be prepared for the backlash.

It certainly is the parent’s authority that is most important. However, you also need to remember that there is a difference between setting boundaries and being controlling. If it is okay for her brother to wear the same clothing, there should be no reason why she can’t. I was a teenager in a similar position. I certainly didn’t dress outright like a boy, however I wore band T-Shirts and the like as well and if my mother had told me I wasn’t allowed to wear them, I would have reacted the same way. And rightfully so I believe. She is in a sensitive time where she is discovering herself and who she is right now. 16 is such an important age in discovering your identity and also letting people know who you are. This is the way that she is expressing herself. This is who she is right now and I think you should be proud that she has an identity of her own. I am now a 29 year old mother of two children – one of which is an 8 year old girl and I encourage her to express herself. In today’s society I don’t think there is much of a difference in how a girl or a guy is viewed based on wearing a Metallica shirt. I do a lot of work with the youth in my church and am very involved in helping out the youth group and doing mentoring and what I find is that some of them might be wearing band tees today and then dressing in Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch tomorrow. Your daughter is not going to care one way or the other what people think of her and she shouldn’t. My mother instilled in me that while it was important to pay attention to the way people view you, if you live your life unable to express yourself and be who you are because you are constantly living in fear of people, that is worse. I eventually found a tactful, tasteful way to dress my “rock and roll” personality, but I still wear band tees sometimes – just nice fitted girly ones. I do believe that comparing boys and girls this way – girls and boys need to dress a certain way based on their gender – is slightly sexist. Don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those free-spirited mothers who let their children “choose” their own gender or who would necessarily let her young son (who is only 1 now) dress in purple shorts and a Hello Kitty T-shirt. However, at 16 she’s probably just wearing the clothes because she likes them and 16 is definitely an age that one can make their own decisions on what clothing they will put on. Perhaps instead of negatively focusing on the fact that she wants to wear a band tee, you should focus on the positive. She could be dressed in miniskirts and belly-baring shirts, caked with makeup and a push up bra. I would much rather my daughter be a covered up tomboy then walk around looking like a baby prostitute. Let this one go mom. Now is not the time. 8)

Your job here is to teach her how to make choices and how the clothes she wears can and will impact how others see her. Part of that is to decide what message or stereotype the clothing imparts and whether -and why – she wants to send that message. It also depends on where she is going and whether she has to worry about impressions there – what she wears to see a movie will not likely matter, but what she wears to a job interview will. This is also a chance to examine your own prejudices, as I’m personally puzzled why you believe that sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll is a good message for a boy but not a girl. Then I’d set a few basic ground rules, like no tshirts at formal occasions, and let her experiment and learn within them.

Tell her when boys can get pregnanr then he will be held to the same standard.

Misunderstood Mom should lighten up on her daughter. It could be a lot worse, she could be wearing “belly shirts” and low cut jeans with her thong showing. She is 16 and you will only be able to control her for two more years, so don’t turn her against you now when she could be making some  important decisions that will affect the rest of her life.

Relevant metal lyrics: “Father, there’s a little flower, beautiful and different, all alone. ‘Is it so, dad, I’m not supposed to make the world anew and be like you? Am I you?’ Give me the gift to be heard, to be seen, to be loved, to be free, to be everything I need, to be me, to be safe, to believe in something; I have a right to be heard, to be seen, to be loved, to be free, to be everything I need, to be me, to be safe, to believe in something. You made it clear right from the start, I am to take your sour heart within — one sad day. But I will never teach my son embittered history, tried and true, ’cause I’m not you. I have a right to be heard, to be seen, to be loved, to be free, to be everything I need, to be me, to be safe, to believe in something. Give me eyes so I see, give me ears so I hear, give me love so I know what love is, give me the freedom to think, to believe in something. So give me the gift to hear, to see, the love, the freedom to choose the things I feel, to be right for the world you leave me; give something. I have a right to be heard, to be seen, to be loved, to be free, to be everything I need, to be me, to be safe, to believe in something.” (Sonata Arctica, I Have A Right)

TL;DR: treat your kids with respect, yo.

Two phrases come to mind. 1. Be honest. 2. Choose your battles.
1. Just be real. Kids respond to the open honesty of adults, as apposed to do’s and don’ts, Maybe what you can say is that what you are really feeling is your nervousness about your daughter exposing herself as a certain image. Maybe apologize for setting what looks like double standards between her and her brother. Just share what is at your heart level for not liking the shirt and reaffirm her as the beautiful daughter that she is.
2. Choose your battles. If your daughter is a pretty good kid, and this is her little “stepping out”, then let her do it! She could find much bigger things to fight about. As long as she knows your heart, what’s behind your concern, then give HER the choice, you may be surprised at the results. 

As a a teenage girl myself, I would say that you are overreacting. While you may not agree with her taste in heavy metal band t-shirts, you have to ask yourself why you did not have the same reaction when her brother wore similar clothing. Simply telling her that “it’s different for guys” is not enough. If you allowed her brother to wear such shirts, then you should really extend the same courtesy to your daughter. A difference in gender is not a reason to prohibit a teen from expressing themselves. Would you ask a boy to stop wearing a Taylor Swift t-shirt just because “it sends the wrong message”? What message exactly are you afraid your daughter might send? Forcing her not to wear shirts showing her interest in heavy metal won’t change the fact that she likes the music.

Relax. At least she wants to wear full clothes that don’t show too much and aren’t permanent fixtures on her body. Lots of girls have worn all fashions through the ages and have grown out of them. Id be proud of her for not caving to peer opinion to be super girlie and dress like movie/rock stars that often dress too old for their age. Rock music is a true source of non cookie cutter creativity.

Express your concerns but leave the decision to her. Your days of controlling her every move are over. As your control wanes you’ll want to have your voice heard. That wont happen if she feels overpowered — she’ll defy you just because she can. Time to start letting go and trust your previous 16 years of investment.

I believe that at sixteen years old, she should be able to wear what she likes within reason. Of course you’re not going to let her leave the house wearing a mini skirt and fishnets, but a Metallica t-shirt or any other heavy metal band shirt does no harm at all. Let her express herself within reason or she’ll definitely grow up to resent you and might reject authority figures altogether. 

Wait, what kind of impression does it put off? I wore band tshirt and baggy pants growing up. I’m a 30 yr old mom who still rocks a band t. There is nothing wrong with this at all. Your daughter is right if they are forming an opinion based on her shirt then what they have to say isn’t important. Keep in mind you are doing the exact thing she thinks is wrong. So now not only are you a mean mom but you are forming a opinion based on someone wearing a tshirt. How would you like it if someone judge you for your hair cut? or your mom jeans?

Wait, what kind of impression does it put off? I wore band tshirt and baggy pants growing up. I’m a 30 yr old mom who still rocks a band t. There is nothing wrong with this at all. Your daughter is right if they are forming an opinion based on her shirt then what they have to say isn’t important. Keep in mind you are doing the exact thing she thinks is wrong. So now not only are you a mean mom but you are forming a opinion based on someone wearing a tshirt. How would you like it if someone judge you for your hair cut? or your mom jeans?

Wait, what kind of impression does it put off? I wore band tshirt and baggy pants growing up. I’m a 30 yr old mom who still rocks a band t. There is nothing wrong with this at all. Your daughter is right if they are forming an opinion based on her shirt then what they have to say isn’t important. Keep in mind you are doing the exact thing she thinks is wrong. So now not only are you a mean mom but you are forming a opinion based on someone wearing a tshirt. How would you like it if someone judge you for your hair cut? or your mom jeans?

Wait, what kind of impression does it put off? I wore band tshirt and baggy pants growing up. I’m a 30 yr old mom who still rocks a band t. There is nothing wrong with this at all. Your daughter is right if they are forming an opinion based on her shirt then what they have to say isn’t important. Keep in mind you are doing the exact thing she thinks is wrong. So now not only are you a mean mom but you are forming a opinion based on someone wearing a tshirt. How would you like it if someone judge you for your hair cut? or your mom jeans?

Wait, what kind of impression does it put off? I wore band tshirt and baggy pants growing up. I’m a 30 yr old mom who still rocks a band t. There is nothing wrong with this at all. Your daughter is right if they are forming an opinion based on her shirt then what they have to say isn’t important. Keep in mind you are doing the exact thing she thinks is wrong. So now not only are you a mean mom but you are forming a opinion based on someone wearing a tshirt. How would you like it if someone judge you for your hair cut? or your mom jeans?

As long as the t-shirts your daughter wants to wear are not derogatory in any way and simply have a “metal band name” on them, then let her sport that look. It sounds like you have a very bright daughter and you need to really listen to what she is saying. Usually its the parents that would make the comments your daughter did. Instead of signing  (misunderstood mom) you should have signed  (close-minded mom)

You have to choose your battles. If your daughter is a good kid, gets good grades and doesn’t
get in trouble, then let her wear the shirt and save your fight for a more serious battle.

Dear Stuck…I tell all my neices and nephews that they can tell me ANYTHING and that I won’t tell their parents UNLESS it’s Life threatening. This way the kids have an older outlet without any parent freaking out or lecturing.Their parents are at ease because they know their child is talking to a responsible adult who will do their best to listen and yet will inform them if there is something going on that is life threatening. I encourage the kids to tell mom and dad what’s going on though. Hope this helps

Let her west the shirt, she’s expressing her individuality rather than being like everyone else, there is nothing wrong with that.

Dear Misunderstood Mom,

If  the only thing your daughter is
wearing is a Metallica t-shirt then you might have something to worry
about.  The fact that she wants to wear one and is actually listening to
your opinion about it is your first clue that she respects you.  She
actually sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders and a level of
self-esteem that many girls lack.  She is discovering who she is and wants to express herself.  Give her a non-sexist reason why you have concerns about her wearing the shirt.  Then let her know you know trust her.  Let her decide whether to wear it or not. There will be much more important matters that she will need your firmer guidance on.

I think that you should let your daughter wear the shirt. I am a teenager and I completely agree with her. Even though I get along with my parents well and follow rules I think that parents should understand that teens just want to express themselves. I think that you should keep in mind that your daughter is not asking to dye her hair purple or to get a tattoo. I also think that you should try not to compare your daughter to her brother. My mother does this to me all the time and it frustrates me deeply. I want my independence and I want my own name, I do appreciate being compared to my brother or anyone else. I understand what you are saying that her wearing the shirt gives the wrong impression. However I also would like to bring out that people have a preconcieved thought of you regardless of what shirt you are wearing, people judge you by the look you have on your face. So yes even though a shirt may cause people to think or remark certain things, I would not like it bother me, and I would bring it out to my parents attention the point above.

Yes, you are overreacting. Your sixteen year old daughter is exploring the world for things she likes. Hard drugs and alcohol are an example of something that might damage her, of which I can fully understand that you wouldn’t approve.
But she just wants to wear a Metallica shirt. It’s just a way of expression.
By the way, have you ever listened to Metallica? 
If you’re worried that their lyrics might have some sort of influence of her, you should be happy she’s not listening to hip hop.
And since you’ve let her brother wear the shirts, I think she’s right saying it’s unfair.
Last of all, about this part:
“She said if people would form an opinion of her based on a t-shirt, she couldn’t care less about what they had to say.”
I would be so happy if my daughter would say wise words like that to me. 

I usually don’t speak up on issues, but I have to say I side with the daughter.  Mom was being sexist and unfair. What does that teach her daughter?  If mom thought it was inappropriate for daughter, it should have been inappropriate for son also.  I commend the daughter for saying she couldn’t care less about what others had to say about her if she wore those types of shirts.  To me it shows she’s got a great head on her shoulders.  When my daughter was 10, I was going thru an ugly divorce and my daughter had her own issues.  Although she was a beautiful girl, she was overweight and felt out of place.  She wore baggy guy clothes, then went kinda “Goth”, black nail polish, black clothes and chains.  First and foremost, we always talked about it.  We always have had a very open line of communication.  I told her other people may not see her for the beautiful person she was.  Her reply? Then those kind of people aren’t worth my time.  She didn’t care what others thought of her. Others would give me their opinion, not always nice, but, as long as she was an honor roll student and never caused any trouble, who did it hurt?  No one. It let my daughter express herself and made her a stronger person, by not caring what others thought.  Ten years later, she graduated with Honors from High school, got accepted into a prestigious  college in NY, and was on the Dean’s List  her first year.  I call my daughter unique, and I am very proud of her!

you only fear that your daugther hanging with metalheads. she will even if you prohib her. and thats very unfair indeed if your son was allowed to. its only a phase, i doubt she will wear that kind of shirt till her 30years

You are waaay too uptight!  Have you ever listened to a Metallica lyric?  What do you want her to wear, a Pat Boone T-shirt?!?  How about HazMat suit?  What century are you from?  Do you want to raise a repressed dork who is made fun of because her mom dresses her in bows and unicorns – AT AGE 16!???!?  It’s a band T-shirt, not a stripper outfit.  Lighten up!

There is no explanation needed because there is nothing wrong with her wanting to wear a Metallica shirt. Don’t prevent her from being herself.  And buy her a guitar if she likes Metal! 
Listen to Dyers Eve by Metallica and make sure you read the lyrics!!  m/ 

It is different when a girl wears a band shirt than a guy. it is 1000x cooler. Sure people would judge her but if she is anything like the rest of metal heads she would love the faces she gets the same face i get when i drive by blating death metal. One thing people do not understand is the reason why we love metal is that we can relate the lyrics, the instruments and the feeling help us remember we are not alone. It is natural that all of us want to show we are part of the community. Metalheads are a family and we are proud, let her wear the shirt let her be apart of something. 

By not affording your daughter the same treatment you did your son (letting him wear the shirts but not her), you are demonstrating to her that females should be treated differently than males because they are weaker, more fragile, and less capable of handling themselves.  You are effectively sending her back to the 1950′s and destroying her self-confidence in the process.  If someone makes a disparaging remark to her about a rock band t-shirt, she has a few choices: ignore it, reply with a suitably snarky comeback and go on about her business, or if it truly bothers her, stop wearing the shirt.  In any case, her decision will have very little to do with you-it is, after all, about HER. Sorry to be so blunt, but you only have two years left with her until she is on her own in the world. Let the girl breathe and figure some aspects of life out for herself!

I can’t believe people even agree with this. Blatant sexism is never okay. You don’t even seem to have an actual reason for not allowing your daughter to wear her Metallica shirt. It would be different if she wanted to go to school in a negligee, but if I were your daughter, I would set you on fire.

I think as long as she lives under your house, she has to dress like a lame-o with uptight parents. 

What do you mean a girl ‘gives the wrong impression?’ by wearing the t.shirt? And yet you let your son wear similar t.shirts?! That is extremely offensive and irresponsible behavior on your behalf. You come across as extremely sexist and irrational, your attitude will (justifiably in my opinion) provoke rebelling and lack of respect with your daughter. You are a silly woman.

I think this is rediculous… It’s metallica for crying out loud…
Wait until she wears a Six Feet Under, Cannibal Corpse or Deicide shirt, then say it’s bad.

I really do not understand the issue here. What sort of impression do you think she is giving by wearing a Metallica t-shirt? I can’t say I have ever looked at a young girl wearing a band shirt and had a negative thought about her (unless it’s a crappy band, of course). It’s just a band. Would you rather have her wear something low cut that shows off her cleavage? 

I simply cannot stand the double standards that people have for boys and girls. You can give me your reasons til you’re blue in the face… it doesn’t make it any less true. It’s unfair and, in my opinion, it’s poor parenting. It leads children to believe one child is favored over the other. This can have a devastating effect on your children well into adulthood. All things equal, your daughter should have just as many “rights” as your son… and vice versa. Just because you are a parent doesn’t mean that everything you say is right and that your children have no right to question you or ask “why.” Children deserve to be respected. Just because they are young doesn’t make them any less human. 

Of course we have people who question everything: they’re called ATHEISTS

Your daughter should absolutely be able to wear heavy metal merch! Everyone is always telling kids these days that it’s ok to be who you are, be an indivdual and not be scared to show what you believe in, but then when a female expresses an interest in music it’s not ok? I am a 16 year old girl, and Metallica is my favourite band, too. I wear all heavy metal tshirts (Metallica, Iron Maiden, ACDC, Avenged Sevenfold, etc) and wear all black, thich chain necklaces, spikey wrist bands and a whole bunch of crosses. I am often discriminated against, but music is my passion. I have a boys hair cut (often spiked) and wear thich black eyeliner nail polish and black, but it’s who I am. It isn’t sending the wrong message to anyone. I have never got any inappropriate comments or gestures. If anything, I have people scared of me until they get to know me, which is helpful at this age when you’re walking home by yourself or something. No one wants to attack someone with spikes on their wrists! And it’s not worshiping the devil or satan…Like i said, I wear alot of crosses and still attened church, and heavy metal music really is very religious. Metallica especially, have many quotes from the bible, and are very religious. Your daighter is just trying to find out who she is. It is to be commended that she is willing to stand up for who she is inside, which is better than being a closet head banger, too scared to show herself. There’s nothing wrong with Metallica, and it is sexist letting her brother wear band merch and not her. My brother and I even share our clothes, as we share our passion for music. You should try and support your daughter through this.

I wore heavy metal concert shirts my entire youth while growing up. The only ones who passed judgement on me were uptight religious people. My shirts did not define me and I would gladly tell anyone that who questioned my wearing the shirt.
 I did not do drugs, nor did I break the law or get into trouble and I now own my own business and my kids enjoy wearing my old vintage concert shirts and like a lot of the same music I did growing up..
Anyone who judges someone for a band shirt has deeper problems than their beliefs on someone’s choice of attire.

I think that you need to look deeper at your reasons for not letting your daughter wear this type of t-shirt. Saying it gives the wrong impression is far too simplistic. Break down the argument, find the real source of your own fear and deal with it.

Parents selfishness and over cautious parent indoctrination.
They think they can save their kids from the horrors of this world by forbidding to wear a simple TShirt? That is a sick parent. There`s a lot of nice Metallica t shirts out there.
Seems like this mom is trying to fix her own mistakes by forcing her beliefs and ideals on her daughter.
I say let the kid be a kid. Let this teenager express him/herself. But see unlike the parents the kids just wanna enjoy their youth but parents will not let them.
Who let these horrible people even have kids.

You may be able to control what your child can do like if they are allowed to go to parties or if they have thier friends over but you need to allow them to express themselves. What your child wears is and example of expression ( this is coming from a teen)  and you need to allow her to do so. Think of it this way, you could either let hr express herself by wearing a heavy metal shirt or with body art and piercings.

If I were you, Id let my daughter wear that T – shirt. I see no harm in it. At the end of the day, its only a T – shirt. If my daughter would dress up in tight clothes, wear too much make – up, or pierce herself, at an early age, Id have a problem.

But for me it seems a bit overreactive to act negatively for this one T – shirt.

Besides, far too many rules is not a good idea.

What impression do you think she would be sending? That she enjoys good music by talented musicians?

I used to wear Metallica t-shirts myself they’re cool! I think as long as there is no nudity or bad language there shouldn’t be any harm. Plus if you let her brother wear them….. I think as long as you have taught your daughter to be respectful of herself and others let her express herself with a concert t-shirt.

The daughter should learn better conflict resolution skills, but yes, the mom is being sexist and unfair.

What is the message it sends? Does it really? Not necessarily. But if you determine it is indeed sending a “bad” message it must be bad for both kids or it is sexist.

I think it’s really about freedom and limits.. I have no problem with my children wearing a ‘rock-T, but I’d surely wouldn’t want them in a profanity laden garb either ( not necessarily singling out heavy metal, i listened to it growing up). I do think kids need to spread their wings and make their own choices – both good and bad to grow and learn. I would suggest to the mom in the article to let her daughter wear that Metallica shirt. It’s only the ignorant individuals that ‘get the wrong impression’ anyway. If you have a good kid you have nothing to worry about, but if you shelter or become too overbearing even a good kid will rebel. It’s just a T-shirt after all and both mom and daughter should try to reach a compromise. Let her get a Lynard Skynard or Black Sabbath or an AC/DC shirt instead… ‘No means no, because I said so’ is in my opinion a poor answer for a child..especially a teen. We all teach from our mistakes..but don’t short change your kid’s need to be an individual in the process.