Ask Laskas: Should I let my daughter rock a Metallica shirt? | Reader's Digest

Ask Laskas: “Should I let my daughter rock a Metallica shirt?”

Help this mother daughter duo settle their argument over whether or not it's fair for a teenager to wear heavy metal shirts.

Ask Laskas: “Should I let my daughter rock a Metallica shirt?”

My 16-year-old daughter wants to wear band T-shirts for heavy metal groups like Metallica. I said no, and she pointed out that I had let her brother wear similar shirts. I explained that it’s different for guys and that when a girl wears that type of shirt she gives the wrong impression. She blew up at me for being “sexist and unfair” and said that if people would form an opinion of her based on a T-shirt, she couldn’t care less about what they had to say. I still think it’s a bad idea, but am I overreacting?

—Misunderstood Mom

What’s your take? Give your best advice in the comments below, and your answer might appear in the magazine.

Have your own qualm? Send your questions about manners, parents, partners, or office politics to advice@readersdigest.com. Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

  • Your Comments

    • Anobedient

      I don’t care about the impression and neither does your daughter. perhaps the mother is alone in caring about what impression her daughter makes with heavy metal shirts. I say let the girl wear what she wants!!!! I am 16 as well and support my fellow girl in her freedom of expression for the band she likes!!! It’s important to teach your kids and others that impressions don’t matter, people can make judgements but the less you care, the happier you’ll be. This reminds me of All-American Girl, a book about a girl who wears Save Ferris shirts and loves Gwen Stefani. Treating your daughter different from your son is indeed sexist and unfair!

      • Anobedient

        I would be obliged if my fellow 16-year-old or her mom tells me whether she is currently allowed to wear Metallica shirts.
        Also, is CourtneysMom the mom who asked this question? Does Courtney get to wear what she wants?
        If person who asked Laskas reads this, I would be obliged if you tell me whether you have reasons for restricting your daughter’s freedom of expression other than because girls wearing Metallica shirts may give unpleasant impressions.

    • Motherof2

      Your daughter is barely a child anymore at sixteen she should be able to dress herself in anyway she chooses as long as it doesn’t convey a highly sexual message who cares what she wears let her have some independence and let her have her individuality and not the one you picked out for her . Especially since you let your son wear band tshirts its sexist that you won’t let your grown up daughter.

    • Aightball7

      Clothes are clothes. Don’t put genders on them. *rolls eyes* She can wear what she likes and no one can stop her. It’s Metallica…and they’re harmless. Don’t put gender into play here. Who cares if she’s a girl?

    • MetalBrony

      OF COURSE YOU SHOULD why not? It just shows you enjoy a certain band and that your a metalhead yes the metal community has a bad reputation with ignorant swaggots but any rational adult knows better its partially true you are being sexist and unfair there are many female metalheads and female metal musicians like Angela Gossow and Tarja Turunen they are respectable people. Would you let her wear a Miley Cyrus shirt after all don’t you know about the twerking incident?

    • Other_barry

      The simple answer is yes you are wrong for stopping her from wearing a Metallica shirt.

    • Natalie

      In short – yes, you are overreacting. As long as the shirt isn’t offensive (being a Metallica shirt, I’d hazard a guess that it isn’t. A fairly PC rock band if ever there was one) then she should be able to wear it. The only thing people will glean from it these days is that the girl likes heavy metal and rock. You can argue for hours about what sort of image it conveys, if it’s grounded in reality and if it’s a double standard considering you let your son wear similar shirts – but what your daughter will take away from this is that A) wardrobe and music choices are valid points to consider when forming an opinion of someone’s character and B) That her parent thinks it fair. She’s old enough to understand these issues, so let her make up her own mind. It seems as though you’re too fixated on what other people will think of your daughter, rather than teaching her a healthy philosophy. And if you’re concerned the shirt will impact her in a negative way, trust in her enough to believe that she will make good decisions in that event that it does.

    • jesus

      its a shirt. Let your daughter explore who she is.

    • Shayne FV

      Yes you are over reacting. Leave the kid be. She’s not hurting anyone and it’s not like she’s out committing crimes.

    • JessC

      I am raising 6 children and I listen to metal music so I might be biased but here is my opinion. I have always allowed my children to wear what they want as long as they are dressed modestly. They are trying to form who they are and what better place to do so then in my home under my supervision. I have not always liked what my kids have worn but allowing them to express themselves in this manner has actually made us closer while still allowing me to be their parent. And wearing a metal shirt doesn’t make you a bad person, just a supporter of what you already listen to. And she is right, if she is judged by others then they are friends she doesn’t need in her life.

    • DudeWithUnderstandingParents

      You should support her regardless. If it’s not blatantly offensive or will get her in trouble at school, I see absolutely no problem.