I wasn’t feeling particularly down when my husband sent me this URL, just for an afternoon laugh. Emergency Compliments, from an artist via the collective known as society6, feeds your ego in a very cheeky, clicky way, one nice saying after another. My co-workers and I were hooked:
• “They’ve never told you this, but your boss is really impressed by you.” Aha! I knew it!
• “You actually looked super graceful that time you tripped in front of everyone.” Genius.
• “You’re the best at making cereal.” I am!
• “Your prom date still thinks about you all the time.” Really!
But then, just as suddenly, the compliments started getting a little, well, back-handed. Without tone of voice, you can’t quite tell:
• “Rumor is Disney is basing its next cartoon on you.” Beauty? or the Beast?
• “All your friends worry they aren’t as funny as you.” Funny ha-ha? Or funny weird?
• “You’d be the last one standing in a horror movie.” So .. I’m slasher bait?
I guess you can take these as face value, as you should for most compliments. Once we realized that, we clicked the button for “Thanks! I’m feeling better” which took us through the marketing funnel to an option to buy a print (about $14) of that special saying.
You know what? Not right now. I’m feeling better.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.