On his high soprano
I knew I was touched when I was five. I was kind of a goody-goody who could sing like an angel. I would seek hallways and stairwells where the tiles gave reverberation.
On Paul Simon
I met Paul in our school play Alice in Wonderland. He was this funny guy who cracked me up all the time. We moved to junior high school together. We loved “Earth Angel,” and we emulated the Everly Brothers. We would stare at each other’s mouths to copy each other’s diction.
On the end of Simon and Garfunkel
Ultimately, you’re overworked. When we would finish a project, I was ready for a two-month pause. Paul was ready for a two-week pause. So we differed on that, and I got very tired. I am sorry that the rest turned to a split. I think the compatibility of our two talents is a cool thing.
What you look for in a woman shifts over the years. When you’re young, the pretty mouth is everything. Then, when you’re older, character is everything. Depth. Can you see me when I’m hurting, and can you be there?
When my boy turned 16, he became his own man. It throws the papa a little bit, you know? He has his own haircut, his own sense of style. He has his own identity. The shift is challenging. It can happen overnight. All they know is “This wasn’t me for the first 15 or 16 years. But this is me now.” You’d better fasten your seat belt, watch, and learn.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.