Nothing bucks up our spirits more than knowing there are people dumber than we are. Except maybe knowing there are lots of them. Vote for the dumbest human now.
DUMB ON THE JOB
Presenting … The Great Narcissus!
Joanna Kirchmeier arrived at her London home only to find her husband, Helmut, in front of a mirror “just staring at himself, his pupils tiny.” Helmut, a newly trained hypnotist, had accidentally hypnotized himself while rehearsing a new act and had been standing like that for five hours.
Source: London Telegraph
No Shirt/No Hands/No Service
A Florida bank refused to let a man born without arms cash his wife’s check, even though he provided two forms of identification. The reason given: He couldn’t provide a thumbprint. Source: (Cleveland) Plain Dealer
The Hottest Show on Cable
Zurich firefighters were called to the home of an elderly woman who reported that her television set was on fire. When they arrived, they found her TV tuned to a live feed of a fireplace. “The fire was extinguished with the press of a button,” said a police spokesperson. Source: Associated Press
Scalpel … Forceps … Pink Slip …
When a Madison, Wisconsin, hospital decided to lay off 90 employees, executives there wanted to get it over with quickly. Butthe timing for one nurse wasn’t ideal. She was dismissed during surgery. Source: allheadlinenews.com
Next: DUMB IN GOVERNMENT
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.