Tuckered out by years of wise men and mangers, one Jewish woman from Texas has a few insights.
1. Hanukkah, Chanukah: It doesn’t matter how you spell it, as long as you can pronounce it. That guttural “ch” should come from the back of your throat.
2. It’s not a Jewish Christmas. The two holidays may be close on the calendar, but Hanukkah is a minor holiday. It doesn’t come close to the significance of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, or Passover.
3. What’s the story? “They tried to kill us; we beat them; let’s eat.”
4. Instead of wishing me “happy holidays,”try saying “Chag sameach” (khag sa-may-ach). That will blow me away.
5. Do you really have eight nights of presents? Ask my kids and they’ll snort and say, “Yeah, if you count school supplies and socks!”
6. No one would dream of asking an employee to work late on Christmas Eve, but I’m lucky if I get home in time to light candles even four of eight nights.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.