I’m not talking.
Not to a phone.
It may be all the rage for celebrities in iPhone commercials to have pithy exchanges with Siri, the female-sounding voice assistant, but if you ask me, they just sound stupid.
Like actress Zooey Deschanel, in her pajamas, telling her iPhone, “Remind me to clean up … tomorrow.” Really? If you can’t remember to do your chores, how can you remember to check the phone? What if you can’t find it because the place is a mess? How about reminding you to get out of your pajamas?
Or Samuel L. Jackson telling Siri, “Find me a store that sells organic mushrooms for my risotto.” First of all, Sam Jackson making risotto is tough enough on the credibility. But don’t you think, if you’re that advanced in the culinary arts, you’ve gone shopping for food before? Or did you suddenly wake up as Julia Child?
Maybe the worst is John Malkovich, who sits in a chaise with classical music playing and asks Siri for a “joke.”
“Two iPhones walk into a bar,” the machine says. “I forget the rest.”
Malkovich laughs, proving he’s a good actor.
We’ve become so desensitized to one another that even eye contact is becoming a lost art.
Sorry. Not joining this club. I have often been guilty of purchasing the “latest technology” (i.e., things that were new for six minutes). But I have enough experience talking to machines to know that a microchip is not your friend, no matter how close you keep it to your bed.
Or how many miles you drive together! Have you forgotten the frustrating electronic voice technology in your car? I tried it once. It went like this:
“To call Brad, say yes.”
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.