10 Things Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman

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As I write this, I am 34 weeks pregnant with fraternal twin boys, and my husband and I couldn’t be more thrilled. But it sometimes seems as if strangers will say anything to try to bring us down from our happy cloud. Sure, we’ve gotten used to people staring at me as if I’m a zoo exhibit when I waddle down the sidewalk. But there are certain comments we hear way too often that we’ll never get used to—even if we have learned to laugh them off.

So, to help ensure that other expecting couples never have to hear these unpleasant comments, I’ve compiled a list of 10 things never to say to a pregnant woman you’ve just met—especially one who’s expecting twins or more!

1. STATEMENT: You look like you’re ready to burst!
TRANSLATION: You look like a beached whale!
I began hearing this gem at about week 32 of my pregnancy, from everyone from waitresses to the salesgirl at Pier 1 Imports. And honestly, it’s the last thing a very pregnant woman needs to hear when her hormones are raging and she can no longer fit into her largest maternity clothes. So please don’t say it. You wouldn’t tell a stranger she looks fat if she wasn’t pregnant, would you?

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2. STATEMENT: Twin boys? You’re sure going to have your hands full!
TRANSLATION: Your kids are going to be crying, pooping, hell-raising little terrors.
People just love to point out the negative aspects of having twins—the hard work, the long nights, etc. I’m not sure why. All my husband and I can think about is the joy the babies will bring to our lives—the cuddles, the smiles, etc. Those rewards will far outweigh any of the inconveniences. Double trouble? Sure. But also double the fun!

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3. STATEMENT: Get all the sleep you can now.
TRANSLATION: You are never going to sleep again. Ever.
Moms-to-be are well aware of the sleepless nights in our future. We don’t need you to remind us—especially if you are childless and well-rested. (If you are a new parent who is simply trying to commiserate, then maybe we can talk!)

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4. STATEMENT: Enjoy (insert activity) while you still can.
TRANSLATION: You will never again have time to (insert activity) once the baby comes. In fact, you’ll never have time to do ANYTHING. You’ll simply be a shell of your former self.
I happen to know plenty of parents who still watch movies, read books, and enjoy dinners at restaurants. I know many working moms with successful careers and happy children. So I’m not buying this whole idea that life suddenly ends when you have a baby. Sure, life changes a lot. Maybe I won’t be going bar-hopping every night. Maybe my new exercise routine will be pushing my babies around the neighborhood in their stroller, and my nights out with my husband will have to be planned instead of spontaneous. But neither of us would have it any other way.

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5. QUESTION: You’re planning to breastfeed, right?
TRANSLATION: If you don’t breastfeed, you will be the most horrible mother ever to walk the face of the earth.
I’ve been bombarded with the “breast is best” message practically since the moment the plus sign appeared on my pee stick. I’ve also been completely shocked by how worked up people get over the whole breastfeeding issue. The checkout lady at the grocery store does not need to know whether I plan to give my babies my boob or a bottle. The truth is, the way a mother chooses to feed her child is a very personal decision, and only she knows what is best for her and her baby.

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6. STATEMENT: Ooohhh, look! You have (insert pregnancy –related ailment)!
TRANSLATION: Ew, gross! Stinks to be you!
My pedicurist gleefully announced during my 33rd week that I’d developed a few varicose veins. Couldn’t she let me continue to live in my ignorant, can’t-see-my-legs state of bliss? The lesson: If you spot a pregnant woman sporting cankles, chipmunk cheeks, or any other pregnancy-related nuisance, there’s no need to point it out to her! Simply tell her she’s beautiful—because she is.

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7. STATEMENT: Wow! You sure were hungry!
TRANSLATION: You just ate enough food to feed the entire U.S. Army, you fat pig.
A note to all food servers: Saying this to anyone—especially to a pregnant woman—is the best way to ensure that you get a lousy tip. I actually had two waitresses tell me this when I was only weeks away from my due date. How on earth could they think this was OK? Please bear in mind that a pregnant woman is always hungry. And that’s a good thing, because expectant moms are generally supposed to consume an extra 300 calories per day for each baby she is carrying—even more than that if she is very active, like me. So I will pig out with pride!

© iStockphoto/Thinkstock
8. STATEMENT: Wow, twin boys/girls! Too bad it wasn’t one of each … you’d be finished.
TRANSLATION: You are a complete failure for being pregnant with two babies of the same sex. You must now try for the boy/girl, or you will never feel whole.
The number of times an expectant mom of same-sex twins will hear this statement throughout her pregnancy is staggering. It’s as if having at least one child of each gender is the only acceptable outcome to starting a family. And it makes no sense to me. My husband and I are over the moon about our two boys, and people should not assume anything different. If we do decide to have a third baby, it will be because we want another child to love—not because we wish one of our boys had been a female.

© iStockphoto/Thinkstock
9. QUESTION: Do twins run in your family?
TRANSLATION: Did you conceive your twins naturally, or with the help of fertility treatments?
The answer is that twins run on my mom’s side of the family. Does that mean my husband and I conceived our twins naturally? Not necessarily. Does it matter? No.

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10. STATEMENT: Good luck with your twins! I have a 6-month old baby and couldn’t imagine having two.
TRANSLATION: You are totally screwed.
My response to this is usually a polite smile before I walk away. But what I really want to say is, “Well, I couldn’t imagine having only one.” Because now that I’ve grown to love my unborn babies, it’s true—I couldn’t fathom a life without both of them.

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305 thoughts on “10 Things Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman

  1. JaneD19……breast milk is best because God made it for us…..if a woman has aids, then…well she has to opt for formula……other than some medical thing…..BREAST MILK IS BEST AND FORMS BONDS….PAINFUL BONDS BUT…..so be it.

  2. Hey, I read some of the responses…..u ppl are too sensitive…..I am small in size and every time I get pregnant, I carry a huge tummy, even the doctors ask me if they are twins and they do the ultra sound. Hormones are there, but some times, i feel women over act it just for being noticed….maybe if every one ignored pregnant people, it might make them feel better….but then again, they will say that those people are blind. Something else to nit pick at. Have fun with your pregnancy people. It can be over bearing and if you have a husband like mine, where he is neutral…….then you may go mad…..ask God how to make the best of what he has blessed you with and stop complaining…..now what was I going to do…….this pregnancy brain…….lolololoolololol

  3. I am pregnant for the fourth time……none of those statements affected me. She must be on some pill, or hate people on the whole. Most times, people are just looking out and are they not her friends? LOL. At my church, every time they see me, they say….sis Deborah-Dale….yuh pregnant…..my response….boy! when I woke up, i was totally surprised. What a laugh we had……next time I will look down and fake faint…..what a laugh we will have together…….sis Deborah-Dale, yuh eat a lot girl. Even strangers, people I have never met, will ask me why I ate so much……..we laugh as we pass each other. She needs to lighten up some.

  4. Twins aren’t easy to get so when you get them look at how special you are. I want twins someday but am fearful of the whole idea of labor

  5. So what i got from this is that you are very nervous, and anything that is said to you can easily be misinterpreted as a negative connotation towards you.. Oh, and that your not going to breast feed.. I was looking for some useful information..

  6. Let’s not forget the crap my Mom spews from her mouth every time I see her. The “you shouldn’t be that big yet!” Yes because all women are the same and only carry a baby one way. I am so sick of hearing this garbage from her. I’m a fit woman who’s fairly active through this pregnancy. I know I’m trim but it hurts to hear that kind of thing anyways.

  7. Im 37 weeks pregnant havnt been told a few of these things but I can ser how they are annoying and ifs people you dont even know they need to keep their mouth shut lol.

  8. My name is Miley, i ‘m here to testify on how i was able to conceive and have my Baby girl after 5years of marriage. with so much much joy in my heart i want to thank Dr.Odogbe whose email address is anoitedtemple@gmail.com , Dr.Odogbe did a pregnancy spell for me after i contacted him to help me out in my marriage i explained to him how i have so many miscarriage 2years back. i spent $200 for him to cast the spell for me and after he cast the spell he told me to sleep with my partner and after i have done as he told me i went for a pregnancy check up a 2week latter and i found out i was pregnant to make my story short i gave birth to a baby girl this year September 15th 2013. all thanks to Dr.Odogbe, i will also recommend him to help you out you can reach him via his email address anoitedtemple@gmail.com .

    Miley, England

  9. lol this is so funny and true! When their hormones are outta whack don’t tempt her to snap a neck!

  10. I feel the same way as the poster below. Such petty grievances as to “what not to say.” I would ignore all this advice. Just smile and show you are happy to be pregnant — even if you are not. A friend of mine was overweight and when someone asked her “when are you due?” she got all tied up in knots. But, she did go on a diet, lost weight and looked grand. When I was pregnant I had a green coat and wore it to shop. I passed a mirror and looked like a giant avocado (I am rather petite). So, I stayed in for the rest of the pregnancy.

  11. hi i am anonymous from free state just wanna be advice about situation i feel triggered in,would just want to know that how does a guy know when he has impregnant a chick, and what stuffs me up is that i’m always exhausted,sleepy and also feel like the is couvade taking part in me. would you please advice me so i should be prepared.

  12. I am pregnant and I’m grateful for this article….maybe people can see what not to say to us..

  13. I appreciate all you have done for myself and my family. My name is harry and after contacting so many fake spell casters that only played with my heart you´d got what I wanted: my family back. Your sincere kindness and thoughtfulness inspires me. You have touched my heart deeply and I will forever be grateful that you got rid of all the negative influences that surrounded my wife and I. Now we are back and my son is very happy again, with his parents together… Thanks Ekaka ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com all my gratefulness

  14. on the topic of #9: I’ve actually had multiple people, after I answered “no” to the runs in the family question, follow up with “Oh so did you do IVF?”

  15. As far as I’m concerned (I am male) it’s best to say nothing at all. I was a high-school junior when I went to a local laundromat and saw a girl who was in my English class but had dropped out a few months before. She was obviously pregnant. I did not try to get her attention, nor she mine. I never saw her again. So I would just as soon keep quiet. (No, I have never been married.)

  16. i want to let the entire world no how i contacted ASHRA SPELL TEMPLE and told him about my pregnancy problem , i have been unable to conceive for the past 18years but when i contacted ashra of ashra spell temple he made and cast a pregnancy spell for me , now am in my 6weeks pregnancy, words cannot say how grateful i am to you,thanks ashra , my advice to other women and persons is to contact ashra with your problems for solutions ,you can contact ashra via email :ashraspelltemple@gmail.com or call ashras personal number on +2348058176311

    Caroline from united states

  17. So basically you want your husband to lie to you all the time? Your one picky lady.

  18. Last three weeks ago i lost my job and i started seeking for another good job and i have been to many interview but i was not giving a job so one day i saw a testimony on the internet on how Ekaka help someone to get a good job so i have to contact him on his email: ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com and he told me what i need to do and after 2days all the place i have attended interview they all started calling me and i was confuse because i do not know the right one so i have to call Dr. Ekaka again to know the right place i need to work so he told me how i am going to know the right one which i did and now i am the happiest person on earth.

  19. Dear friend it is almost two months now since i order a pregnancy spell cast on me by Dr Ekaka from the ekakaspelltemple@yahoo.com and which i started seeing changes on my body since the first week of last month and it two month and i am carrying my own baby in my warm i am so happy that i finally get pregnant after all i been through. All thanks be to Ekaka

  20. we had a braai and after a few drinks me and my mom had sex. she is now pregnant what must i do?.

  21. “The truth is, the way a mother chooses to feed her child is a very personal decision, and only she knows what is best for her and her baby.”
    Huumm .. no.
    While it IS totally a personal choice to breastfeed or not, don’t give me the “a mother knows” crap. Only she can decide how she feeds the baby, but it’s just pure BS that only she knows what is best for her baby, because breastfeeding IS the best, regardless of the mother’s opinion.

  22. your life doesnt end when you have a child its a new chapter a birth a begining  a new life a part of you coming to the world. Everyone is different you might not want to be preagnant but a womens heart is verry deep and as a women deep down we think about these things why cant we just be happy with everyones choices what i mean to say is someone is happy why the hell would you go and burst their bubble like that you obviosly are discontent with your life in something and in order to make yourself happier you put someone down. Yes shes hormonal and if you were preagnant yourself you would understand i love everyone and but cant stand when ppl put eacother down . so when you say your life has just ended what about having said that to your mum when she was holding you in her stomach love everyone and respect especially those newborn who havent come to the world yet but will cus you were put on this earth the same way. all my love to preagnant women who feel agrivated with silly people in the world who wants to burst ppl bubbles

  23. Thank you for bringing up the breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding. While I was pregnant this was constantly bombarded on me & it made me feel like crap cause I didn’t want to breast feed. I ended trying it and shockingly I didn’t like it and my son had trouble doing it. Now he is given a bottle and wow my son is happy and healthy. Besides my son is not even 4 months old can down close to 40oz of formula in one day plus eat a couple packages of baby food thus I definitely wouldn’t have been able to breast feed him for long anyway. So for all the expecting mothers out there…. do what you feel is best for you and your baby. Breastfeeding is great but it just isn’t for everyone.

  24. This is absolute nonsense. The only thing this author has done was take common statements and stuff words into everyones mouth. My wife was the first I heard say I feel like im ready to burst… get over yourself

  25. The spell I order for a better relationship with my girl friend has worked wonders. freemercytemple@yahoo.com really does know what he’s doing. I saw results within 6 days and it’s continuing, so I owe freemercytemple@yahoo.com a lot. he’s wonderful and he cares, he contacts you back if you have any questions and more importantly HIS SPELLS WORK. thank to the spell casting temple. I love ya, and will use the spell casting again for sure. : ) He’s great, everyone should try him!!!

  26. lol, god this is why I truly dislike pregnant women.  It’s hard enough to be around a walking time bomb, but wtf is wrong with the author when what others say are merely for a bit of a chuckle and she has to get so worked up?  “If you have twins where it was a boy and girl then you would be done” is translation for being a failure is a messed up way of thinking.  

  27. Wow! Unless you’ve been pregnant people you have no idea. So men really shouldn’t comment on this. You cant understand unless you lived it. It’s hard enough…extreme back pain, hip pain, your skin getting permanently damaged, your bodies muscles stretched beyond belief, hormones that pump through you so bad you can’t control your emotions, people constantly judging you, rashes, veins popping, massive amounts of nutrition being taken away from your body, exhaustion, sleepless nights, swelling feet, lowered immune system, no pain relievers in sight. You can’t drink, stay out late, do extreme exercise, and a lot of activities are off your list. As a woman you need to feel loved and when everyone is bombarding you…you get overwhelmed and on top of it the motherly nesting and protectiveness kicks in. It seem to the mother it’s her and baby against the world. No waitress should make rude comments ever….it’s bad customer service and extremely unprofessional.

  28. “This is what I say.” 
    “What’s wrong with it?”
    “She can say whatever she wants, SO CAN I!”
    “I mean, seriously, right?

  29. Okay, people don’t mean some of that stuff, okay? Don’t overreact, they don’t know everything, can’t read your mind. Some, sure, were a bit rude, like the bursting one and all, but seriously, that’s too sensitive, people!

  30. I was taken by surprise how sensitive she sounded. Sure you are going to find people saying things that might be insensitive,but sounds like she dont want to hear the reality. Mother of 4 , i do have plenty of experience on comments but i sure didnt take it so personal….
    To all pregnant women just make best ,ignore the ignorant comments but know the reality.
    Yes , you might not sleep like you use to.That is all part of it.!

  31. If you go to a restaurant and pig out, then tip your server bad because of one comment… that’s ridiculous. You should probably tip them more because you probably made them do a lot of extra work catering to you… and that’s what your tip is. Payment for the service they provide, not denying them payment for stating the obvious.

  32. being pregnant time is the interval human physique undergoes many outstanding adjustments like weight gain, pores and skin adjustments, the expansion of the uterus ten occasions than its regular size, and the adjustments within the breast.

  33. In various medicine, the numbers of true information are not primarily based mostly on finish results, in contrast to the conference limitation and it is usually primarily based mostly on the eccentric method.  Truly, it is rather distinctive to listen to a naturopath or a physician training different remedy utilizing the phrase “impossible”.

  34. This article made me laugh so hard because it’s so true. People don’t realize what they’re saying sometimes!!!

  35. I am sorry you are really going too far. Im pregnant and oversensitive to many things as well but you are just a selfish person! So the entire world has to adjust because you are not able to understand that the things people say maybe are meant in a good way? Or because they are curious about something? In reality ( non pregnancy ) you cant expect people to tell you ‘YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL’ all the time can you? I am sorry I agree with the fact that people sometimes could better shut up than talk but it seems like nothing is good enough for you. Maybe you should relax a bit and not take everything negative. You have a low self esteem if your pedicurist can even tell you about varicose veins. Maybe you didnt realise and she wanted to let you know? Please get a life I feel sorry for you.

  36. I disagree. I don’t think breastfeeding is a personal choice, I think it’s a parental responsibility. But hey, if you want a child with an underdeveloped brain, no one can stop you. At least that way you won’t have to worry about forking out the cash for good schools, as there wouldn’t be any point anyway.

  37. I disagree. I don’t think breastfeeding is a personal choice, I think it’s a parental responsibility. But hey, if you want a child with an underdeveloped brain, no one can stop you. At least that way you won’t have to worry about forking out the cash for good schools, as there wouldn’t be any point anyway.

  38. I have had it with new mothers and pregnant women, for example, “especially if you are childless and well rested”. I am a young childless woman and have a fulfilling life with a loving partner. I work very hard, and like all people have had my own challenges. I also know what it means to be tired.

    Why is it then that a large number of pregnant women and mothers are so opinionated, narrow minded and rude. This group of people talk amongst each other, in your company and to your face as if you do not know what tired is, until you’ve had a baby, do not know how to multi-task until you’ve had a baby, do not know how to function as a responsible adult until you have had a baby. 

    One I hear that really annoys me is young women saying,..”how can she possibly do that job, do this, know that etc, if she has not had a baby”.  Humans have something called an intellect, it allows us to empathise with people and have understanding without the need to have experienced the particular event or situation.

    The only thing you don’t need your intellect for is to have a baby,..that process isn’t that tough,..and social services will soon tell you that a lot of the members of this exclusive job are actually quite crap at it.

    Someone else has already pointed out the irony of this article.  I agree.  This group of people are a deluded lot.

  39. So because I did not breast feed any of my children, I was being selfish and not considering their health? That’s crap! I tried breastfeeding with my first; I wanted it to work, it didn’t…and I’ve raised healthy children on formula. It certainly IS a personal choice, and there is nothing wrong with feeding your baby formula! The pressure put on new moms to breastfeed can be really unbearable, and shame on anyone who adds to that pressure by posting that formula is unhealthy for them. Is breast milk the best option? Sure, but that doesn’t mean that formula doesn’t give the baby the nutrients that it needs as well.

  40. To the ladies bashing the author get a freaking grip! U probably these nosy women obessessed with childbearing that give unwanted advice to every pregnant women u walk pass. I dont see anything wrong with her article and all of you should get a freaking grip! Talking about hormones I’d slap you if your were right next to me….” I feel sorry for her husband” F8ck off!

  41. “The truth is, the way a mother chooses to feed her child is a very personal decision, and only she knows what is best for her and her baby.” 

    You’re an idiot. Many mothers make health decisions contrary to the health of their own baby – including formula.

  42. Okay, #5 and #9 are just unreasonable. My reason for saying #5 is unreasonable is the same as Szir’s:

    “‘The truth is, the way a mother chooses to feed her child is a very
    personal decision, and only she knows what is best for her and her
    baby.’
    What the F***? I thought science, and doctors know best.
    Isn’t that why you go to gynecologist? You do go, right? How many
    children did you have? What is the extent of your experience? Yeah, you
    must know better than professionals who studied this for years…
    It’s NOT about you! It’s about the health of your baby!”

    #9 is unreasonable because the translation is bullshit. Neither I, nor anyone I have ever known who has asked this question was even thinking about fertility treatments. (Before reading this I never even had any notion that someone might use this question in such a way. Does the writer have evidence for this, or is she just paranoid?) They were genuinely curious as to whether twins run in the family or not. If they don’t, then wow, it’s cool you had twins. If they do, then well, I guess that explains why you had twins, and why your [insert female relative here] also had twins! Sometimes it really is that simple. Sometimes there is no hidden meaning.

  43.  Read through and I mostly agree with you – strangers and even people you know should not be making irritating comments or pushing you to do certain things, that’s your choice – and one poster hilariously posted that doctors know best – watch, “The Business of Being Born” to see how much they know. The only thing I don’t think I get that you said was, “…especially if you are childless and well-rested.” In regards to sleep. That almost implies you don’t want childless people saying anything to you about pregnancy or your pregnancy? I think some people bring it up to be polite because many pregnant women like to flaunt it with very tight maternity wear and caress their baby bump in public CONSTANTLY – something that as a very happily childless woman I find unattractive and just as disgusting as a non-pregnant women in skin-tight clothing, but I don’t tell them they can’t speak to me because they’re pregnant/dressing/acting that way. For all childless people out there who don’t want kids I don’t think they should be discredited. Many of them have had to raise younger siblings (literally raise, provide for them and raise them) and for that very reason do not want children and if you have that right so do they, it gets really old when, as soon as you get married, people start pushing the baby issue or pregnant women treat us like we “just can’t understand”. Enough second-hand experience and hours upon hours (days, really) of research and I don’t see how we are suddenly inept just because we’ve never wanted to “birth our own.”

  44. i thought she just gave you a lesson @cec9111b4f2a7a5b2aef6ed94c4f1920:disqus and still you didn’t get her message. you’re naive! ewww!!!

  45. i thought she just gave you a lesson @cec9111b4f2a7a5b2aef6ed94c4f1920:disqus and still you didn’t get her message. you’re naive! ewww!!!

  46. My daughter-in-law Krisi is expecting identical twins…how exciting… and my a grandma… of two at the same time!

  47. i was 39 weeks pregnant and in a fast food restraunt having lunch when smart alec young adults
    made comment about me being fat hellow . someone tell them about the facts of life pregnancy= fat

  48. i was 39 weeks pregnant and in a fast food restraunt having lunch when smart alec young adults
    made comment about me being fat hellow . someone tell them about the facts of life pregnancy= fat

  49. i was 39 weeks pregnant and in a fast food restraunt having lunch when smart alec young adults
    made comment about me being fat hellow . someone tell them about the facts of life pregnancy= fat

  50. i was 39 weeks pregnant and in a fast food restraunt having lunch when smart alec young adults
    made comment about me being fat hellow . someone tell them about the facts of life pregnancy= fat

  51. Folowing an ectopic pregnancy miscarrage requiring removal of one ovary, I was told more than once:  “Now you can only have either all boys or all girls, not some of each sex.”  I soon proved them wrong by having one of each.  Those dunces must have thought that one side is for boys and the other one is for girls!  I soon learned to avoid nosy, often shadenfreud types of people who don’t know that they are losing golden opportunities to keep their mouths shut. 

  52. I also had fraternal twin boys (now 11 ) and got most of the same comments (although not until they were born, we did not know their gender before). “Too bad it wasn’t a boy and a girl, that would have been perfect!” I had two healthy babies what could be any more perfect than that? I did not find having two newborns that difficult. The first weeks were very tiring, but it is sooooo worth it. Good luck, before you know it your boys will be in Middle School (like mine!)

  53. Everyone calm down.  What happened was her editor said, “Jen! You’re pregnant; give me a top ten list of what NOT to say to a pregnant woman,” and she was like, “Sure Boss”.  (But then apparently, he told her to put a horribly negative spin on it which makes me glad I don’t know her, as I surely would have offended her at some point: “Hey Jen, what time is it?” TRANSLATION: “Oh you’re saying it’s time I have these babies now because I’m so FAT?!”)  Ok go ask your doctor if it’d be safe for you to take a valium.

  54. This must be her first pregnancy.  If so, she is oblivious to what it is really going to be like having babies.  Of COURSE they are a blessing.  Of COURSE they will bring you the absolute most joy.  Of COURSE it will be fun, but “Get some sleep now” cuz you’re going to need it in the next few months.  I think people tell “first timers” that because most of them picture this perfect world—with a baby on a dynamic feeding/sleeping schedule, no colic/tummy aches, no diaper rashes, having time to take leisurely tub soaks, plenty of time to work out…….heck, we’d all have 6 kids if we had that much extra time on our hands and everything was that wonderful.  There is nothing like holding a new born baby and watching it grow into adult hood.  But, again I say, “Get some sleep now”……….lol 

  55. One thing I never say to pregnant women is…”it won’t be long now!!”.
    When your pregnant one more DAY can seem like eternity!

  56. The author seems to have a very negative attitude toward comments, which when I say them, are only an observation, or simply a truth.  When it is a first child, if it is twins, of course it would be great if there were one of each!  My brother, the only son of my father, already had 3 girls.  Many of us wish the twins had been boys & not girls…he won’t be having any more kids, & the bloodline with my father’s name will end there.  Not that his kids, grandkids, greats will not live on in him, but our name will not.  However, it does not mean that any one thinks what ever the sexes they are not wonderful little people. 
    No. 1…no, people should not say it, but I know w/one how I looked, it’s just a stupid comment, get over it. 
    #2   You are going to have your hands full!  As you point out, w/the good as well.  When I say that, it is just a statement of fact.  My 2 youngest grandchildren were close enough in age it was like having twins & there were times you felt like the only thing you were doing was changing diapers.  But all the fun & laughter, you will have your hands full! 
    #3  You are going to be grateful when they sleep through the night.  No, people do not mean you are never going to slep again…but until they are teens, you are NOT going to sleep in, you ARE going to have many disrupted nights!  I think it bothers you, period.  Some people just do not like a truth being said.  
    #4 Your life is going to change.   Not bar hopping every night?  Try rarely if ever, lol!  If you do it a few times a month, sorry, you are not a good parent.  Period.  Did not bother me, bars are highly over-rated.  Either you look forward to spending every moment you have besides work with your child(ren) or you would rather have stayed childless. 
     #5  As I told my girlfriend’s 22 year old who is expecting this November, breast feeding is BEST.  But if you know you do not want to, it is not like the baby will not get what they need to thrive.  Today, it is most certainly a personal choice.  If a mother would breast feed for @ least a couple months, there is still 2 things that will benefit mother & child–the baby gets protection from immunities a mother has spent a lifetime building up.  The mother gets the benefit of the nursing action helping pull her abdomen back into shape.  Breast feeding is VERY beneficial.  But it benefits no one if the mother is not willing.  We actually kind of agree on this, but it is a hot button issue because some women do not seem to seriously considerate it.  We do not have boobs for any other reason than that is best for our child(ren). 
    #6  People are ignorant.   When people make observations like you talk ahout here, it not even worth the person’s attention. 
     #7 Oh, please!  Maybe you are eating like a pig…I have for most of my life.  Yet, I had trouble keeping weight on.  Take it like I always did, a simple observation, & if you are not 300 lbs, who cares?  LOL!  
    #8  All ready addressed that!  
    #9  You are way to sensitive.  My youngest 2 sisters are twins, they “came out of nowhere” so to speak because twins did NOT run on either side.  I completely disagree with you on this, I know I do not necessarily think someone did NOT conceive them naturally.  I, personally am just curious.  Twins are interesting.  It does tend to follow patterns.  Does it matter they were conceived naturally?  No.  If a person wants a child that desperately & are mature enough to be a good parent, NO.  However, an “Octo” Mom, YES, that is wrong. 
    #10  No, dear, it does not mean you are totally screwed.  It largely depends on what support/help you have.  This & #4 are directly linked.  It is tough when they are a little, tiny baby.  What is toughest is to enjoy (even though you are exhausted) every precious moment.  Because although it can be overwhelming, it can also be the best experience of your life. 
    I really hope you can start to recognize your over sensitivities & not instill them in your kids.  But do NOT worry, we all do something to screw our kids up, lol!  Just the human condition.  Good luck, you need it. 

  57. Maybe people who ask if twins run in your family are actually just curious if twins run in your family. 

  58. There are many, many, many, many other things not to say to a pregnant woman… Out of kindness, I won’t say them.

  59.  i would like to point out that many of the people who have commented on here are almost fairly judgemental of the author as the author is of the people asking these questions. i know i get tired of being asked the same question over and over and over, and i’ve never even been pregnant. however, there is the point that everyone is making, which is that a lot of people just dont have another ice breaker. or that they are honestly curious. yes, people can be nosy and rude, and thats when you just say “i dont know that it is any of your business”, but you dont have to be rude about that. the translations in this article are a bit snide however. i understand where they would come from after being asked that question a million times by strangers, but the thing to remember is that they dont know how many other times you have been asked those questions and  may not realize how much those questions bother you.

  60. My children are fully grown now, but I still remember being shocked at the nosy and insensitive questions people asked, comments they made, and advice they gave, both when I was pregnant and after my children were born.  Most of those things are nobody else’s business.

    1. You know what?  Sounds like you’re probably not going to be giving birth again anytime soon, but perhaps one of your grown daughters, and/or someone else you know, will.  If they’re like you – a person who is “shocked” at questions and comments, I share this advice:  STAY INSIDE UNTIL AFTER YOUR CHILD IS BORN.My God, the level of judgment in this entire discussion is astonishing – and disappointing.  The vast, and I DO mean vast, majority of people are not nosy and insensitive.  They’re well-intended and are guilty of one thing most of us – even some of the best communcators – have in common: in certain situations we just don’t know what to say.  No matter how well intended, we stumble all over our tongues.  Weddings… funerals…. pregnancies… dinner parties… it’s just human nature. 

      I’m ashamed, frankly, of and for a good percentage of you who have commented.  Time for at least a small dose of soul-searching, I’d say.

  61. What a perfectly unpleasent person this woman is! I guess according to her nobody should say anything to a pregnant woman for fear of upsetting her. Guess what sister? You need to grow up, stop being so sensitive to every possible nuance ( most of which are only in your own very small mind) and get a life. If you are this much of a miserable hag when you are pregnant, then I can hardly wait to hear how you cope on a lack of sleep, lack of a life and the multitude of other little joys maternity brings. I feel bad not only for your husband, but also for your children…you have no sense of humor, and no ability to “read” other people, though you clearly like to read into thier intentions when they attempt to make any sort of conversation.

  62. Why on earth would you let any of the insensitive clods who would make these comments bother you.  Rejoice in the fact that hopefully two new perfect little human beings will be part of your family and just ignore them.

  63. It seems to me that you are also a bit touchy. How do you know what people are thinking when they say these things. Maybe you should write 10 things that you CAN say to a pregnant woman.

  64. I think there should be a list of 10 things people SHOULD say to pregnant women. Apparently all the things people can think to say are wrong. I have never been pregnant. I know nothing about being pregnant except that women get really hormonal and can be super emotional. So it would be nice to know what kind of things won’t make her freak out… all the things listed here are the things I probably would have (awkwardly) said, because I’d be feeling uncomfortably unable to relate to her condition.

    1. I think she just wants everyone to come up to her and gush “You look beautiful!”  Princess for 9 months.  This article doesn’t belong in Reader’s Digest. 

      1. Hi every one, my name is Shannon and i want to tell you all of how i got my man back with the help of Dr Agbons, My husband of seven years left me and our son for another woman saying that he is tired of me and want to move on with his life without me, i knew that something was wrong cause i did nothing wrong to him that can lead to break up. this break up left me in a confused state and there was nothing i could do until i told a friend about it who told me about this great doctor. at first, i never thought it was going to work out, but i had no choice than to give it a trial, then i contacted him and he did a spell for me and behold my husband came back on his knees begging to be with me for the rest of his life. i was quite amazed myself with the way the spell work. I would gladly recommend him for anybody cause he is really powerful and can make things happen. his contact is dragbonslovespelltemple@hotmail.com

  65. I have never said any of these things to anyone.  They sound mostly like things a jealous person would say. 
    About the boy/girl statement, how many people have “filler” kids until the baby of their preferred sex is born?  The poor middle children wouldn’t even exist if the second child was the sex they wanted.

  66. Life does not end when you have a child.  It just begins.  But – I’m still glad mine are raised and out of the house.

  67. Dear author,
    That sure is alot of negativity there missy! I’m wondering if anyone does anything right in your eyes? Everyday people as well as someday, your very own children, will always make comments that don’t seem quite right. It’s called “being human” Here’s to hoping you put your big girl panties on and get on with life before you pass the negativity to your kids.

    1. BRAVO CWB!   I love your “big girl panties” comment!  I’m going to get some mileage out of that one. 

      Thanks!

  68. I stopped reading after number 3 because it’s the same stuff you hear all the time. I can understand where she’s coming from, but really…what else do you say? People try and make small talk and it just comes out awkward. Which is why they start prattling on about lack of sleep and such. This is why I prefer to just not say anything. I say my congrats and move on.

  69. Thank you very much. As the mother to two twin girls I remember getting these comments and wanting to scream. People sometimes just open their mouth and don’t think about how what they say affects anyone else. Wait until you have the twins, then you get really stupid questions. The dumbest one I ever had was ” Were they born the same day?” And the breastfeeding questions are just creepy, why does a complete stranger need to know about my breasts? Just enjoy your boys and just ignore everything else. Congratulations!

    1. Er, you do realize that’s a valid question?  I have multiple friends and relatives who’ve had twins that were NOT born on the same day.  From the same pregnancy, yes.  But my niece and nephew were born a couple of hours apart, and happened to cross midnight in the process, so different days.  A good friend had the first of her twins quite a few hours before the second (poor thing; NOT fun for her at all) and thus they were born on different days.  I know personally at least two others with similar situations.  So, no, it’s not a “stupid” question.  A weird question, maybe, since the vast bulk of the time the answer will be yes, but not always.

  70. Thank you very much. As the mother to two twin girls I remember getting these comments and wanting to scream. People sometimes just open their mouth and don’t think about how what they say affects anyone else. Wait until you have the twins, then you get really stupid questions. The dumbest one I ever had was ” Were they born the same day?” And the breastfeeding questions are just creepy, why does a complete stranger need to know about my breasts? Just enjoy your boys and just ignore everything else. Congratulations!

  71. In these times, people are very opinionated and feel that the have the right to utter stupid and unwanted comments to anyone about anything they want. They need to learn good manners and remember what they were taugh if at all as a child. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t speak. My favorite is,  if it is not asked for, shut up! I had many comments with both of my pregnancies and heard alot of stupid and ignorant statements. Do you people realize how stupid you sound in the first place? And the personal questions, is it really your business anyway? Most likely no! So don’t ask, especially if you are not a personal friend. I have no problem telling people it is not your business, or why are you asking me that. Put the questions back at them and they realize they are being nosy,(if they have a brain at all.) There is nothing more beautiful than a pregnant women. Oh and also, my husband had no problem with this at all and totally was on my side, after all this was his child too.
     

    1. I don’t have any idea who you are, Jo.  But I can say ONE thing about you with utmost certainty:

      I pray you’re never a member of a jury in the trial of a falsely accused innocent man or woman.

      There’s a WHOLE BUNCH of y’all here who need to do some serious lookin’ yourselves straight in the face. 

  72. Since she was pregnant with twins, she left out a couple of things that are really annoying to hear when you are pregant with a single baby.  When you are in your third trimester you never want people to look at you and ask if you are pregnant with twins.  You also never want to be told: “Wow, that’s going to be a big baby.”  The translation for both of these is: “You look like a fat cow.”
    By the way, I’m only 5’2″, where do you expect the baby to go?

  73. I’m in TOTAL agreement with Tghio.  To “prickly and sensitive” I’ll add JUDGMENTAL – to a HIGH degree.

    MANY people simply don’t know what to say, and it has NOTHING to do with education, intelligence, empathy and so on.  QUICK!  when you’re at party and you meet someone (or vice versa) what are the THREE most common questions asked?    RIGHT you are!

    1.  “What do you do / where do you work?”  The author would judge this to be “how much money do you make?”

    2. “Where do you live?”  The author would judge this to be an inquiry relative to how big your house is, and/or how much it cost.

    3.” Do you know __________ (person or persons.)”  The author would judge this to be a question about how well you’re “connected.”

    The simple truth is that they’re just WELL-INTENDED questions asked every day by people just like you and me who sometimes struggle with finding the right thing to say, and who are simply looking for some common ground. 

    YES – a percentage of people out there are just plain insensitive louts, no doubt about it.  But it’s a small percentage.

    The author could have EASILY turned this into a lighthearted humor piece instead of the DIATRIBE it is.

  74. Wouldn’t it be sad if people didn’t say anything? And, by the way, the American Academy of Pediatrics DOES know that breastfeeding is BEST.  Sounds like YOU have a problem to me!

  75. BREAST IS BEST……. All mothers should breastfeed no matter what….That’s what your breasts were made for….to feed your child…..You have got to be kidding me…..You really need to open your eyes….I feel bad for your kids

  76. BREAST IS BEST……. All mothers should breastfeed no matter what….That’s what your breasts were made for….to feed your child…..You have got to be kidding me…..You really need to open your eyes….I feel bad for your kids

  77. Wow!  What a really stupid article.  Sooooo glad I am not married to this crabby woman. 

  78. I have 4 children.  My first baby refused to nurse.  I was devestated but knew it wasn’t my fault when my next 3 did so with no problems whatsoever.  I believe they screwed up baby #1 in the hospital when they gave him overnight bottles during the night rather than bringing him to me to nurse.  Now they cup feed them ( the baby actuall laps it up) if you want a break at night.  No nipple confusion there!  For those who choose to nurse- hang in there.  It’s an awesome experience!

  79. This comment is even more frequent when you’re short (5’0).  The baby has nowhere to go but out!   Yet another reason to dislike tall women :-)

  80. Wow! I think the hormones are getting to you.  I realize double the babies means double the hormones, but you sure do seem easily offended…

    I do think #5 is spot on, and a few others valid, but the majority of these complaints and the insights claimed are over the top.

  81. I agree with previous posts, the author comes off as overly sensitive.  I have four kids and would have appreciate knowing that I had varicose veins, I couldn’t tell.  The large comment, okay, that’s just rude.  Twins in the family?  I would never think a person’s children were the product of fertility drugs or medical intervention.  How sensitive to take it that way.  Hopefully her hormones will settle down once the babies are born.

  82. Down South, we have a comment that is perfect for this mother-of-twins to be. “Bless her heart!!!!”

  83. What about an article about those of us women who, for one reason or another, never had children? Are we any less female because we didn’t reproduce? I answered one particularly rude, pushy woman, who obtrusively persisted in asking how many kids I had, by saying, “Sixty. We are a very diverse family; we are all different colors and some of us have feathers and some of us do not.” (I used to raise parrots, and some of them are still my little “fids” – feathered kids.)

  84. What about an article about those of us women who, for one reason or another, never had children?  Are we any less female because we didn’t reproduce? I answered one particularly rude, pushy woman, who obtrusively persisted in asking how many kids I had, by saying, “Sixty. We are a very diverse family; we are all different colors and some of us have feathers and some of us do not.” (I used to raise parrots, and some of them are still my little “fids” – feathered kids.)

  85. Sometimes people say things without thinking. It can be annoying to get advice from strangers. Stupid comments of course can hurt our feelings. I was a waitress during my whole 9 months of pregnancy. I had strangers telling me anything and everything you can think of! People would touch my stomach. Insist I was having a girl, even though the ultrasound said a boy. I worked at a bar and had to deal with all the drunks! Lol The point is noone was intentionally trying to be hurtful. You can’t let a complete strangers opinion affect you in a bad way. Who cares what other people say or think. You’re happy, enjoy your pregnancy:) I do have one gripe about leaving a lousy tip for the waitress! I had just started my shift when I received the call my grandmother died. I was the only waitress there and had to wait for someone to come relieve me. Of course a mad rush of people came in to eat. I was going through the motions, trying not to cry. One man left me a .27 cent tip. I’m sure the service I provided was crappy, but my heart was breaking. So next time you want to leave a “lousy” tip, remember servers are people too and maybe there is a reason why they weren’t doing their best that day. Also after my health insurance was deducted from my paycheck, I still had to write a check to cover what my minimum wage did not. All of my income came from tips. You wouldn’t want your boss to deduct your pay just cause you were having an off day…would you?

  86. Sometimes people say things without thinking. It can be annoying to get advice from strangers. Stupid comments of course can hurt our feelings. I was a waitress during my whole 9 months of pregnancy. I had strangers telling me anything and everything you can think of! People would touch my stomach. Insist I was having a girl, even though the ultrasound said a boy. I worked at a bar and had to deal with all the drunks! Lol The point is noone was intentionally trying to be hurtful. You can’t let a complete strangers opinion affect you in a bad way. Who cares what other people say or think. You’re happy, enjoy your pregnancy:) I do have one gripe about leaving a lousy tip for the waitress! I had just started my shift when I received the call my grandmother died. I was the only waitress there and had to wait for someone to come relieve me. Of course a mad rush of people came in to eat. I was going through the motions, trying not to cry. One man left me a .27 cent tip. I’m sure the service I provided was crappy, but my heart was breaking. So next time you want to leave a “lousy” tip, remember servers are people too and maybe there is a reason why they weren’t doing their best that day. Also after my health insurance was deducted from my paycheck, I still had to write a check to cover what my minimum wage did not. All of my income came from tips. You wouldn’t want your boss to deduct your pay just cause you were having an off day…would you?

  87. Asking questions and making comments is a way to open dialogue and show interest.  Often, however, people don’t stop to think how their queries will be received.  As foster parents, we get inquiries and remarks on a DAILY that are insensitive to both us and the children with us!  I’m pretty sure, though, that the intent of those engaging us in conversation is to share in our joy and experience…however oblivious they may be.  What the author is trying to do, here, is give the public some insight from a pregnant woman’s perspective, and some guidance on how to share your interest in a manner that is thoughtful and kind.  But, as I read many of the reader responses, I’m struck by a tone of selfish insensitivity and an utter lack of consideration for others.  Rather than accepting the information in the spirit intended, you seem personally offended (oh, the irony) by the fact that the remarks we commonly make to pregnant women may not always be appreciated.   Your attitudes actually give credence to the author’s observation that people often don’t stop to consider – nor do they care to consider, apparently – the feelings of the recipient.  Whether or not said feelings are a result of hormones, thin skin, or the fact that the same annotations have been heard way too many times is irrelevant.  What is relevant is this:  If you care about the next pregnant woman with whom you speak, show some respect for HER feelings.  NO WOMAN – pregnant or otherwise – likes to hear she’s looking large, and most people don’t like to have their excitement and joy on any given subject darkened by observations of hardship and trial.  So, what do you say, then?  Keeping in mind another lesson in etiquette (If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all), try something like “Congratulations!  How exciting!”   Then, let her direct the conversation in the direction she’d like it to go.  It is, after all, about her and her baby, right?

  88. Wish there were a  “Dislike” box provided for each comment … but then I’d spend far too much time selecting “Dislike” !!!

  89. Sounds as if Jennifer hit a nerve with many of you. 
    Maybe you should just enjoy the HUMOR of her writing.   The “Ten Things …” are only examples of “many” offensive things people say, “without THINKING” (open mouth, insert foot).I’m so very disappointed that some of your comments included expletives. There really is no need for that in either conversation or writing. If you can’t make your point without using expletives, maybe you should take remedial English (How to speak and write correctly!)

    1. My nerves are fine. I expected a cute, imformative article when I chose to spend a couple of minutes reading it. Instead it was a rant. Looks like the majority of us are not getting her “Humor”. I think most of the readers that already have children and have experienced pregnancy and some or most of these comments just feel for the writer.  I feel bad for her and hope she can take a deep breath and realize most people are good and on her side.

  90. Wow. I agree the author is taking the comments the wrong way. I hope the author reads these comments and finds a more positive attitude.

  91. I can’t help but disagree with almost every “thing’s not to say to a pregnant woman”.  She seems to be super sensitive.  Most of her “translations” are off base.  I don’t believe most people are trying to be downer’s, they are just making comments from experience.  Yes, with twins she is going to have her hands full.  But that doesn’t make having twins any less fun and exciting and double the love.  She needs to lighten up.  Laugh off the dumb remarks, and make an off the wall comment back.   She will be tired with twins, but she would also be tired with one baby, or a baby and a toddler – that’s life.  There will be many more up times than downer’s.

  92. I agree, this mother sounds like she is uber sensitive.  I see her point in each comment, but most of them are just people making “happy talk” and not trying to be mean or nasty.  Her snarly attitude is far more offputting  to me than 90% of the remarks she finds so offensive.  Lighten up-when those beautiful babies arrive you will enjoy them far more without the hypersensitivity you are showing now.  Maybe its the hormones…

  93. Jeez lady– peolpe are just trying to make conversation with you!  Natural curiosity is natural, not ill-intentioned rudeness.  And all preganant woman get a share of comments like that, not just mothers of twins.  By the way, the “about to burst” comments are (at least as far as I can tell) a way that people bring up due dates– they simply want reassurance that you will not break your water right in front of them.  It’s certainly less rude than “Holy crap– are you going to have that thing here?”  Which someone did actually say to me when I was overdue with my first daughter, by the way.  I laughed because even pregnant I had a sense of humor and some empathy (most of the time.)

  94. Sounds paranoid to me!!  Most comments made are in gest and for humor.  She makes it sound like people are consciously rude and demeaning.  I think this author needs a “sense of humor” pill.

  95. Sounds paranoid to me!!  Most comments made are in gest and for humor.  She makes it sound like people are consciously rude and demeaning.  I think this author needs a “sense of humor” pill.

  96. It would be great to have any one of these things said to me!  That would mean I was pregnant.  I agree, she sure is prickly and/or trying to get money for her pissiness.

  97. It would be great to have any one of these things said to me!  That would mean I was pregnant.  I agree, she sure is prickly and/or trying to get money for her pissiness.

  98. I’m sorry.  When people told me all of that stuff, and believe me, they did, I didn’t get offended.  If you are pregnant, after you have your babies and things quiet down some and the hormones aren’t so bad, please reflect on what you wrote in this article.  You are quite sensitive and wear your feelings on your sleeve.  Don’t be so quick to be offended.  People aren’t thinking all of that.  When they say that you look like you’re ready to burst, they are thinking, “You poor thing.  You look like you feel miserable and it’s a good thing you’re toward the end of your pregnancy.  You look like you are ready for it to be over.”  So get over yourself and quit acting like everyone is out to hurt your feelings.

  99. I’m sorry.  When people told me all of that stuff, and believe me, they did, I didn’t get offended.  If you are pregnant, after you have your babies and things quiet down some and the hormones aren’t so bad, please reflect on what you wrote in this article.  You are quite sensitive and wear your feelings on your sleeve.  Don’t be so quick to be offended.  People aren’t thinking all of that.  When they say that you look like you’re ready to burst, they are thinking, “You poor thing.  You look like you feel miserable and it’s a good thing you’re toward the end of your pregnancy.  You look like you are ready for it to be over.”  So get over yourself and quit acting like everyone is out to hurt your feelings.

  100. I’m sorry.  When people told me all of that stuff, and believe me, they did, I didn’t get offended.  If you are pregnant, after you have your babies and things quiet down some and the hormones aren’t so bad, please reflect on what you wrote in this article.  You are quite sensitive and wear your feelings on your sleeve.  Don’t be so quick to be offended.  People aren’t thinking all of that.  When they say that you look like you’re ready to burst, they are thinking, “You poor thing.  You look like you feel miserable and it’s a good thing you’re toward the end of your pregnancy.  You look like you are ready for it to be over.”  So get over yourself and quit acting like everyone is out to hurt your feelings.

  101. When people ask me if twins run in the family, I’m happy to tell them (I’m not pregnant with twins, I am one). And I sure don’t interpret it as “were there fertility treatments involved?” Seriously, sometimes people are just wondering if there are more than one sets of twins in the family, that’s all. When I ask, that’s what I mean. Twins are a fascinating thing to people who aren’t related to any. I know the author is pregnant but her interpretations are a little extreme.

    1. And when the answer is no, twins don’t run in the family, it could just mean a stroke of luck. NOT fertility treatments! I forgot to mention this.

  102. I actually do think she’s a bit sensitive, and yes I do happen to have children.  While some of those things I do agree with there are a few that seemed over-sensitive, and as a seasoned parent I do offer as advice to new moms.  And the translation is way off.  Someone told me to go see a movie before I gave birth the first time and I am very happy I did!  We made it a special date and I will cherish that last date before having babies for the rest of my life.  The translation is not that you will never do anything again – it’s take some time to savor this phase of your life before it’s gone.  And even when you have a babysitter at home or your kids are in college or they have families of their own – this very moment, the moments before you go from couple to parents, is a moment you should drink in.  Get some sleep?  Heck yes, get some sleep!  Just be you for the last moments. There’s nothing wrong with that.

  103. Well I just want to say BRAVO on the comment about what the gender is.  I had a girl first then a boy.  When I was pregnant with our third, I can’t tell you how many RUDE people said things like “what on earth do you want?!?!? you already and a girl and a boy!”    Uh, answer: we wanted another baby.   We PLANNED to have a large family because we wanted to not because we didn’t get ‘one of each.’    How awful to send the message to son #2, #3, #4 (or daughter as the case may be) that YOU WERE THE WRONG SEX and we’ll keep trying until we get what we want.   I grew up hearing what my name was supposed to be had I been a boy.

  104. With regards to the breastfeeding comment, maybe you should ask why the person is asking.  Breastfeeding can be VERY difficult, especially in the 1st month.  You might learn something from other people’s experiences or gain a support network which is very helpful when as a 1st time mother you are at your wits end.  Many people have had twins, why not learn from their mistakes?  It may make it easier for you.

  105. I read your 10 things to never say to a pregnant woman and completely disagree.  I have 3 wonderful children under the age of 4 that I carried to term and looked ready to burst towards the end.  While I have never had twins and I suspect you are larger as a result, you also seem to take anything anybody says as an insult.  Get over it and just roll with it.  There was nothing in your list of 10 that was offensive.  Instead of translating it as you look like a beached whale the translation should be, it looks like you have healthy babies in there or you look like you must be getting towards the end.  By putting a negative spin on everything you are channeling negative energy to your babies who will then be more difficult later.  Instead have a positive outlook and the babies will benefit from a positive, happy mom.

  106. I am a twin girl – fraternal, and my twin is a boy.  I have older twin sisters – also fraternal – and, yes, twins run in our family.  I think twins are wonderful and very special.  I have 2 sets of twin grandchildren – one set of girls and one set of boys.  My daughter stayed with us when she came home with her twins, and we loved helping to care for them.  My husband and I worked full-time, so we’d help take care of the babies in the evening, after getting home from work.  We tried to give my daughter a chance to get some rest.  (It gave me a greater appreciation for my mother, who had 2 sets of twins.)  

    I believe that all those comments from those mothers were meant to be, “I’ve been there and I understand where you are, and how you must be feeling.  It is a unique experience, and I can relate to what you are experiencing.  I’m very happy for you!”   My twin and I are 71 years old, now, my twin sisters are 79, and we’re all still living.  (We are from a family of 10 children; and yes, with 1 mother and 1 father.)  I have six children, 22 grandchildren and 5 great-grandchildren, and love them all!  

  107. Just a side note as a Health care Professional who cares for pregnant women all the time, I would always ask a woman in my office whether she plans to breastfeed and encourage her to do so, and while I agree that it is not the grocery clerk’s business whether you choose to breast or bottle feed your baby there are actually a few things to “get worked up about” regarding this issue.  To simply say that “Mother knows best” is somewhat simplistic.  Mother doesn’t always know what is best, and doesn’t always have correct or complete information about either breast or bottle feeding.  So, while again I agree such an inquiry should only be asked by either your Doctor, a close friend, or possibly YOUR Mother, perhaps it is a good thing that the general public is more aware of health benefits of breastfeeding…so much so that is has become part of the accepted practice…after all Mother Nature intended it to happen, and there are just as many benefits for the Mom as for the infant.

  108. I am surprised that the same woman who wrote “10 Things not to say to a new mother” aren’t one and the same.  Yes – It will not matter WHAT you say to either one of them, it will always be taken negatively.  Neither of these women would EVER be my friend.  I will not play into them wanting to hear how beautiful they and their children are.  Sounds like they have serious self esteem issues.

  109. I have 2 boys ages 2 1/2 and soon to be 6.  My sister has 4 children, her last 2 were twin girls.  I have heard it ALL!  People feel elated when they see a pregnant woman b/c it brings them back to a special moment in their lives like becoming a mom, aunt, sister etc…. And even though expecting moms “think” they know what to expect they can’t even fathom what  path their lives are about to take.  They tend to get caught up in the silly details like the latest gadgets, how to decorate the room, if their name choice is perfect etc…. It used to irritate me when I was expecting my second son and EVERYONE told me how differen it was going to be.  But in the end, EVERYONE was right!  And at the end of the day, it made it so much easier to know that I wasn’t the only person who felt that way.  Many moms feel like they fail their children if they complain about the downside of parenting but by being able to talk about it and having well-intended strangers give you the heads up that they have been there too it just makes it easier for the mom to not carry guilt.  So put on your big girl pregnant panties and try not to be so negative and sensitive.  These people feel connected to you for bringing a new life into the world, enjoy their comments and try to actually learn something instead of being so petty.  And now that your going to be a mom….get used to it b/c people are going to give you unwarranted advice about everything like schooling, dressing, disciplining those twins.  ENJOY!

  110. I would say that to you and as a grandmother to 16 year old identical twin girls, I know that it’s the truth!!! But you are right, as well, twice the smiles, twice the laughs, the awesomeness of when they discover each other!!! I think, in a way, people are trying to compliment you on the fact that you’re ready for whatever comes with being parents to twins. Not everything is meant in a negative way, as I said, this would absolutely be something I might say to you. My daughter was very young when her twins were born, so they all lived with us, so that we could help, but there were plenty of things to do—it IS a job. But as you said, not all negative, those girls are still a huge joy in our lives!!!

  111. Most of those comments have been said down through the ages and usually are not meant to be disparaging. Be thankful people care enough to see you as a person. People asked if twins ran in the family befor there WERE fertility drugs. Lighten up.

  112. Wow. I had probably all of those things said to me over the course of 4 pregnancies (except the twin things), and I was never offended by any of them. I never thought of some of those translations. Quite frankly I was aware that I looked “ready to burst” from the 5th – 9th month of pregnancy.

    My philosophy is this: In every disaster, look for the story value. So, if someone says something that offends you, rejoice! You’ll have a great story to tell.

  113. Congratulations I wish you well with your boys. I have 3 soon to be 4 boys, I understand where your coming from. As some of the other posters have said most people don’t intend to be negative in their coments to you. Most of the time when someone doesn’t know what to say is when they say somthing off the wall.

  114. Ok, I disagree with the “Do twins run in your family” thing being rude…. whenever I ask someone that, I’m not asking “did you use fertility treatments” I’m actually just 1) curious, because it’s fun to know if there are lots of sets of twins in a family and 2) are they likely to be identical twins or not. Because identical twins DON’T run in a family… identical twins are just something that happens and any one can get pregnant with identical twins. Non-identical twins are what run in a family.

  115. I guess it’s unfortunate that we can’t legislate polite behavior, and that these statements are sometimes offensive to new mothers.  The truth is people are often clumsy with words and sometimes say things which bother us for one reason or another.  Once you have your wonderful babies you will also hear about which diapering method is best~cloth, unbleached, home-washed, disposable, diaper service or some other method such as using only organic moss.  You will  also hear “well meaning” people tell you their opinions regarding vaccinations, types of shoes, and on and on it will go.  If you’re breast feeding  they may want to look, or they may tell you it’s inappropriate to nurse babies in public.  If you’re bottle feeding they may tell you it’s harmful to the child’s development, or that it is the best way to ensure the development of allergies.  Sooner than you can imagine, your little ones will go to school and the arguments you hear will be about public, private or home-schooling.  I think your method of simply smiling and walking away is the best idea, however sometimes when family is involved that can be impossible to do.  So just smile and know that whatever you do, love is the most important ingredient in raising children.  But, of course, that’s just another opinion….

  116. This writer shares her personal experiences about how insensitive some people can be during pregnancy.  She is insightful and I thank her for the article.  I agree with her about the breast feeding comment.  Some women can not breast feed or the child refuses to breast feed.  It is no one’s business if I breast feed or not, that is a personal decision.  For the record I am not pregnant and my hormones are not raging.  Thanks. 

  117. I have been the pregnant lady hearing the above comments and I’ve been the stranger making the above comments. People are human and sometimes we say things that get taken the wrong way.  Bottom line is you will have two beautiful children who are truly a gift from God.  Having a family is the best thing that ever happened to me.

  118. Touchy, touchy, touchy pregnant woman.  Perhaps one would be better off not speaking to you at all,  since any comment one makes seems to be wrong in your eyes.

  119. I kind of have a problem with the whole “What not to say to a pregnant woman” title, because I think the general rule should be, “If it’s not polite to say to somebody who’s not pregnant, it’s probably not polite to say to someone who is.” In general conversation, it’s not polite to comment or ask about someone’s (we’re talking about strangers or mere acquaintances here, not good friends) weight, appetite, diet, frequent trips to the bathroom, sex life, sleeping habits, etc.; therefore, you shouldn’t be talking to anybody about them – pregnant or not. While it’s nice to be treated like you’re a little special sometimes, I think most pregnant ladies just wanted to be treated like a normal person, because -well, they are still normal people.

  120. It’s true, your hands will be full….
    I’m sure people smile when they say that,
    and some will be ready to help if she lets 
    them.

  121. Oh my goodness there are different ways to take each of her statements, if she were my friend I’d probably not be speaking to her after her pregnancy.  I would think most people are curious as to which side of the family twins run in!  Dad’s are identical and Mom’s are fraternal.  She has a right to her opinion but I wrote down her name and choose to read nothing else written by her – that is my fact!
     

  122. Wow you call her sensitive?! Have you read your replies?! She obvioulsy touched a sore spot with you sensitive people! I have 4 kids & I can choose to agree or disagree with her but Im sure not gonna call her names or whine about what she said! Yes at times I became sensitive to what people said or did but for the most part I didnt care what others thought! But who knows what shes feeling so let her be!

    1. But she is writing for a magazine that a large number of people read. I hold her and her editor (who should have refused this article) to a higher standard than the average pregnant woman.

  123.  Wow Jennifer! You sure have invited a lot more comments that would make you more indignant!

  124. Wow…I can really identify with some of the 10, but others I don’t.  I was unfortunate in my pregnancies that I didn’t show.  I only gained 14lbs with the first and lost 25 with the second.  I missed out on people holding doors and saying ‘”when are you due” (with the big goofy smile that they get).  Everyone likes to give advice (and share their experiences) and especially to first time Moms.  I doubt any person means to be offensive in anything they say, but your reaction is indicative of your personality.  Most gonna-be Moms are unsure of how they are going to be with 1-, 2-, or more babies; they are just passing on how they would have felt.  Try C-section vs. natural…I’ve had both and didn’t much appreciate either….And I did embarrass most of my family by breastfeeding (in public too), against family tradition

  125. Wow…I can really identify with some of the 10, but others I don’t.  I was unfortunate in my pregnancies that I didn’t show.  I only gained 14lbs with the first and lost 25 with the second.  I missed out on people holding doors and saying ‘”when are you due” (with the big goofy smile that they get).  Everyone likes to give advice (and share their experiences) and especially to first time Moms.  I doubt any person means to be offensive in anything they say, but your reaction is indicative of your personality.  Most gonna-be Moms are unsure of how they are going to be with 1-, 2-, or more babies; they are just passing on how they would have felt.  Try C-section vs. natural…I’ve had both and didn’t much appreciate either….And I did embarrass most of my family by breastfeeding (in public too), against family tradition

  126. Wow – some of those “translations” are a little over the top – especially the one where people are curious as to whether twins run in her family.  Someone needs to lighten up.

  127. The title should have been, top 10 things not to say to a woman pregnant with twins.  I agree with Julie that the writer seems overly sensitive and perhaps even defensive on her choice not to breast feed.  That said, it is nobody’s business and I totally agree that the items listed should never be said.  This is just a variation of the guy getting say, a knee replaced, and “well wishers” saying, “I know a guy who had that done and he never walked again . . ..”  It is a human trait to say stupid things in awkward sitations and confronting a testosterone pumped woman pregant with twin boys is awkward. The wrirter performs a valuable service reminding us all of this fact and asking us to refrain from saying stupid things.  Thank you. On the other hand, the writer is out in left field to say only the mother knows whether the bottle or the breast “is best for her and her baby.”  No person with a brain could seriously argue that a bottle is better for the child.  In fact, even the makers of formula say breast is best.  That comment is why I say she is overly defensive about her choice.  Even mother’s who MUST use formula redily admit that it’s a poor substitute.  This is the first time in many years I ever heard anyone suggest that formula is “best for the baby.”  This statemnt really tends to destroy her credibility and makes it hard to believe anything she says.

  128. The writer of this seems overly sensitive on a few issues.  And then some comments really shouldn’t ever be said, period.  Most people are happy for the new mom and try their best to make conversation, not to be negative.  I say, moms be happy with all the attention, because there will be a day when the attention is gone. : )  Oops, was that negative? : ) 

  129. Lucky you–to have your family starting. I miss having my children small and at home. I just celebrated the last one’s graduation from college. I’m happy and proud. But there’s a kind of sweet loss that goes with knowing that part of my life is finished. Enjoy the little ones while they make their messes and tug at your skirt while you’re valiantly trying to put on your eye makeup. Heck, give it up completely for a while. They’re worth it. And savor every moment. The memories will sustain me for a long time. I’m sure yours will too. And note every positive thing that people say to you about them– because if you think the negative people stop at pregnancy. Well, not so much. People will be people. My favorite comment was when my son had turned his days and nights around and slept all day. I was exhausted trying to make sure he didn’t get into trouble in the wee hours while my mother insisted we show him off to her friends and church during the day. While we were visiting, the cutest little old lady said, “Oh, he’s such a good baby. You are so lucky to have such a quiet little boy.” I was so tired that I nearly laughed in her face. But now it seems like a wonderful thing to have experienced. Life is like that. You see how lucky you are after the fact. –LSN McCue

  130. Then feed at home, if you dont want people to say anything. I mean geeze if I’m out I dont want to see your tit out with a baby attached period. Like you said its a personal thing, so keep it personal and not in my face. At the very least I appreciate women who use a cover to feed their baby. But really you say you dont like people asking questions, well I dont like have=ing to see your tit being sucked on period. Its personal keep it that way then.

    1. So the whole world is a show for your benefit?  Everyone has to play their part as you’d like? You’d make a great little Hitler.  You and he are the same except he was intolerant of Jews and Gypsies–and you’re intolerant of human nature.  Sounds like you weren’t breastfed enough and you’re still hurting.

  131. this woman sounds like she has never had a child. one doesn’t get much sleep with small children, even less when they are allowed to take naps late in the afternoon. being pregnant is the best part, the real work comes after she comes home from the hospital and the relatives go back to their homes. sounds like she is complaining, stay in your home if you don’t want people to look at you or say the wrong thing to you.

  132. I finally got around to reading this email glad I did this was very funny Women always get mad when I ask if they are pregnant or if what they are totin is a beer belly  ha

  133. Wow, her translations are totaly off! Especially the one about having two of the same sex kids, i dont think any person asking that ever thinks ‘wow, what a failure’. She really has no idea about how other people interpret things.

  134. This person is way too sensitive and I’m not going to excuse her because her “hormones are raging”.  When mine act up, I excuse myself until I calm down.  “Ready to burst” says “Oh, I feel for you.”  Likewise the one about getting your sleep now and having your hands full.  I’ve had five young children down with the flu: I sympathize with the parent of two newborns.  The only ones I will give her are the ones about breastfeeding because the evidence isn’t there  and the one about gender because babies should be loved for themselves.  People are curious.  They wonder whether you are the first one with naturally conceived twins and that’s OK.  Take a breath.  Get a grip.  

    1. The “evidence isn’t there” showing that breastfeeding is indispensable?  Wrong. It could save her twin babies’ lives.  Every baby has a natural right to be breastfed–by someone.

  135. I feel sympathy for the writer, having been the recipient of insensitive remarks myself when I was pregnant. That said, I think she is being overly sensitive. Sometimes one just has to take things at face value and not over analyze them or translate them as the writer has done. She is implying that anyone who utters one of these comments has ulterior motives or is mean spirited, when perhaps most people are clueless and are just trying to be nice. It is a pity that she has let this bother her to such an extent and that she is wasting time and energy in such an unpleasant manner.

  136. When it is true, kind, and necessary, smile and say it.  Otherwise, smile.

  137. let’s just not talk to a pregnant woman at all!!!!!!!Sheesh…………….

  138. let’s just not talk to a pregnant woman at all!!!!!!!Sheesh…………….

  139. let’s just not talk to a pregnant woman at all!!!!!!!Sheesh…………….

  140. let’s just not talk to a pregnant woman at all!!!!!!!Sheesh…………….

  141. She”s inright, outright, upright, downright, uptight all the time!

  142. Some of the ten comments were dumb, but most were well-meaning, and based on experience.  I guess for the author the glass isn’t just half empty, it’s all gone and who has been drinking out of my glass!  She manages to put a negative spin on everything people say.

  143. Some of the ten comments were dumb, but most were well-meaning, and based on experience.  I guess for the author the glass isn’t just half empty, it’s all gone and who has been drinking out of my glass!  She manages to put a negative spin on everything people say.

  144. Now back to this question…. WRONG! In fact you couldn’t be MORE WRONG if you tried. There is SCIENCE that PROVES breastfeeding is the BEST FOR THE BABY. So GET OVER IT!.

    P effin S I’m a Mom of a 2 1/2 year old girl who was breastfed over a year :) so don’t come at me like I’m one of those childless well rested idiots lol

  145. Yeah I agree. This is no “expert testimony”. It’s just some pissed off pregnant chick. And some of the questions she gets asked (like do twins run in the family) are VERY VALID.

  146. A great response to the moron who drops the last statement on you would be a sad shake of the head and “You poor thing.” Perhaps that would be a good response to any one of the idiotic statements listed. As for waitstaff: tip one penny. That tells them you didn’t simply forget the tip, but there was something definately unappreciated about the service. Strangers have no business comenting about anything to another stranger any more than they have the right to punch someone in the nose. As for the pedicurist: it’s time to take your business elsewhere, and be sure the sweet little girl knows why. When your income depends on your clientel, you should have the good sense not to alienate them.

  147. A great response to the moron who drops the last statement on you would be a sad shake of the head and “You poor thing.” Perhaps that would be a good response to any one of the idiotic statements listed. As for waitstaff: tip one penny. That tells them you didn’t simply forget the tip, but there was something definately unappreciated about the service. Strangers have no business comenting about anything to another stranger any more than they have the right to punch someone in the nose. As for the pedicurist: it’s time to take your business elsewhere, and be sure the sweet little girl knows why. When your income depends on your clientel, you should have the good sense not to alienate them.

    1. Wow, you actually think that ‘comenting’ [sic] about anything to a stranger, whether good or bad, is equivalent to punching someone in the nose? You are truly an idiot. I can only hope that hurt as much as a punch in the nose would, though I somehow doubt it. And by revealing yourself as someone who would stiff waitstaff – who usually make about $2/hour – of a tip, you have also shown yourself to be a selfish jerk who is incapable of thinking of anything but how something might affect you. Congratulations, and thanks for the terrible advice. I hope your nose is really smarting now…

  148. My grandmother had three sets of twins but only one set servived. I was hoping for twins all three pregnancies but…..
    Hey…she could have been pregnant with EIGHT. Another Octagon Mom. I always enjoyed comments about

    1. my pregnancies.  I have even asked mommies to be if I could rub their bellies (at church) and I have never been refued that request.  I rub the belly and tell the baby what a beautiful mommy they have.

      1. Though I do not agree with Rosarida, It looks like the majority of the responders to this “Article” (not blog) are educated and experienced. We are drawing from experience. I imagine that most of the readers expect, as I do, that we will either be informed or entertained by a RD article. Looks like the majority of posters are disappointed. You commented on others expletives towards the writer yet you insult the majority of 140+ posts. Time to reflect?

      2. Though I do not agree with Rosarida, It looks like the majority of the responders to this “Article” (not blog) are educated and experienced. We are drawing from experience. I imagine that most of the readers expect, as I do, that we will either be informed or entertained by a RD article. Looks like the majority of posters are disappointed. You commented on others expletives towards the writer yet you insult the majority of 140+ posts. Time to reflect?

  149. Well, I have one question for her.  What are you gonna do when your kids whine as much as you do?

  150. Hi Pregnant Lady!

    Congratulations! I’m a 61 year old man with 2 grown children, one granddaughter and another granddaughter on the way. I think you may have missed the most important thing to ever say to a pregnant lady. Don’t ever, ever ask her if she is pregnant! Translation: Baby or Fat? A few months ago, I was in church and said the worst thing I think I’ve ever said to a lady. When we were greeting one another, a lady behind me definitely looked pregnant. After I said “good morning”, said “congratulations”. She did smile. I turned around and faced the alter and said to myself, “you f*** idiot What did I just say”? I felt awful. Did I just insult the lady. Many other people had said “hi” to her but I was the only one who made a comment. When we did the sign of peace, another lady said to her “congratulations”. Then, more and more people were saying “congrats”. Clearly I felt better but I promise never to do that again. Can’t believe I did that…
    “CONGRATULATIONS” and enjoy every moment. Your in for the best time of your life!

  151. U think too much, people didn’t mean what you think! I met rude people, too! What can I do! Anyway, thank you for bringing it out such that we can be more considerate!

  152. Since I have met other families where twins do run in the family, I am always interested.  I think it is very fascinating and wonderful to give birth to twins.  I would not consider it an insult at all.  Twins do run in our family, and we count it a blessing.

  153. yeah you are right. most of the people are wanted to peep in the neighbours house rather than their’s.  Its kind of a famous saying, – Always the neighbours wife looks beautiful ;)

  154. yeah you are right. most of the people are wanted to peep in the neighbours house rather than their’s.  Its kind of a famous saying, – Always the neighbours wife looks beautiful ;)

  155. yeah you are right. most of the people are wanted to peep in the neighbours house rather than their’s.  Its kind of a famous saying, – Always the neighbours wife looks beautiful ;)

  156. First, congratulations on your twins. Second, I do feel that you are being a bit sensitive. People are not necessarily being negative. They may simply be expressing their true thoughts. Having a baby is not an easy transition. And I can only imagine that having two at a time is more difficult. Don’t take that as an insult. 

  157. Keep in mind that there are always going to be dumb and annoying people in the world. Wish the best to you and your family.

  158. So apparently everyone should say, “Congratulations, you look beautiful,” and then not talk to her again for nine months, because she sure won’t tolerate anything else.

  159. KaFra – Wow, this gal is a little “testy”.  I agree that it is rude to make comments such as “oh my, you are huge”, but there is no problem with some of these comments, such as “Do twins run in your family?”  People are just taking notice of you and making conversation.  (One thing a person should never ask a woman is “are you pregnant?” because she may not be.)  Wait until the babies arrive and everyone starts with the advice,  saying “don’t pick them up every time they cry”, “I wouldn’t take them out to the mall, etc., they will get sick”, “I think he’s hungry, has an earache”,  “sounds like he has colic”——-you should do this, you should do that, etc. etc.   Honey, better thicken your skin and get ready to enjoy those babies, which are blessings from God.  

  160. It would be really interesting to hear from this person when her boys are about 3 months old to see if she still holds the same opinions.

  161. holy moly! what is wrong with people letting her publish this, anyone who says anything about twins is jealous, and just want to be involved, see/hold the tiny babies,  number ten better be funny, really or i’m writing a letter

  162. good one , Its nice highlighting these issues, though we do not intend to hurt, since we need to say something we just blutter out something without realising how it hurts her

  163. good one , Its nice highlighting these issues, though we do not intend to hurt, since we need to say something we just blutter out something without realising how it hurts her

  164. It is amazing what people say to a pregnant woman (speaking from experience from some years back). I absolutely agree with the author. In fact, I think she was way too kind, and I am pretty sure people don’t experience me as “prickly”.

  165. It is amazing what people say to a pregnant woman (speaking from experience from some years back). I absolutely agree with the author. In fact, I think she was way too kind, and I am pretty sure people don’t experience me as “prickly”.

  166. I think this woman needs a self-image check.  Talk about being overly sensitive – wow.

  167. 4: Enjoy (insert activity) while you still can…. that is what usually leads to 10 things never to say to a pregnant woman.

  168. I never had twins, all four of ours were single births. I heard a lot of those comments as well, and they never really bothered me, but it is good to be reminded that some people get tired of hearing the same old cliches. 
    Congratulations on having two wonderful little boys to love and cherish.
    Kristin

  169. If I see this lady, I’ll cross the street and never speak to her. She makes even the mundane comments sound like a death sentence. So the waitress commented on how much you eat. She probably did not mean it in a bad way and this lady refused to tip her for it. Mean. So people say you look large. Isn’t it expected in a pregnancy. And for people who ask does twins run in the family, it could be a question to share their family history with you. Even in this modern day, the first thnig that comes to people’s mind is not artificial means, Why is the lady so sensitive about it and so negative about all the comments. Poeple don’t mean harm, they are not malicious and they do want to say something regarding her pregnancy.

    She is a touchy, mean person who, I’m sure the pregnancy did not change much. I am sure this lady was impossible to be around even before she was pregnant. 

  170. I have never been pregnant with twins, (two singles), so I can only imagine what it’s like. Yes, pregnant women can come off as overly sensitive, but that’s just the way it is. If people must ask questions (and they do), they could ask about baby names, or how the nursery will be decorated, or what supplies they’ve stockpiled so far. I personally have never minded getting these questions.

    1. I’m sure she would misinterpret this as well. Glad I don’t have to be around her.
       

  171. I just had a baby, and I completly agree with the author. Everywhere I go absolute strangers ask me if I’m breastfeeding. Why in the world is it their business? Just because we had babies doesn’t give everyone else the right to be nosy. stop asking!

    1. lol….you’re still hormonal.  Reread all these posts in a year.  lol  Sorry, can’t help but giggle.  Oh, and you’re obviously not breast feeding…….settle down.  You’ll be back to normal within a year.  **Tip—do NOT give any of your girlfriends any “pregnancy/baby” tips.  They don’t want to hear it.  They will learn it all on their own.  No “butting in”.  

  172. I just had a baby, and I completly agree with the author. Everywhere I go absolute strangers ask me if I’m breastfeeding. Why in the world is it their business? Just because we had babies doesn’t give everyone else the right to be nosy. stop asking!

  173. “only a mother knows what is best for her baby.”  Since when did the knowledge of a mere pregnant woman trump the knowledge of somebody who went to school for six years to learn how to care for her and her baby?

    Oh yeah, ever since feminism came into place and declared women infallible.  I’d better stop questioning women.  In fact, maybe I never should have written thi

  174. Wow.  Some of the people commenting on here must have said a few of these things in their day because I’m seeing the bitterness come from a lot of them & not necessarily the post’s author.

    Here’s the deal:
    #1 – She is pregnant & hormonal, which she clearly owns up to.
    #2 – Being hormonal, for whatever reason, makes it so much easier for you to be annoyed by stuff.  Did she ever once say that she went off on someone for saying these things or even roll her eyes?  No.  She mentioned once that she’d politely smile & walk away.  Adults tend to stay polite (for the most part), but can still be completely bothered by things.  And that is a totally fine way to feel.
    #3 – Online is a perfectly good place to vent frustrations like this.  Obviously, it’s also the perfect place for people to be complete pricks to a venting pregnant lady.

    1. Most of the people on here aren’t being complete pricks as you say. They are saying she is being really over sensitive, which she is for an article publicized by RD. If it were her own blog fine, say whatever you want, but this is ridiculous for such a place. If you were writing a pregnancy blog that would be a perfect place for this and you would get a lot more sympathy.  
      And adults are not usually polite, especially hormonal pregnant women. And she did mention not tipping or leaving a poor tip for such a simple remark. Do you realize how hard those people work for such little money?? Not tipping them could cost them rent for that month. I’m sorry but she needs to get a thicker skin.

  175. The only one that really surprised me was the “Do twins run in your family?” as I’ve always thought that was a pretty legitimate question.  It goes hand in hand with family history, people are usually like, “Yeah, twins run in the family, but they skip a generation” or “No, this was actually a complete surprise, first time we’ve had twins in the family.”  I never really thought people attached it to in vitro fertilization or anything of that nature. 

  176. She just needs to go and hide away from everyone so noone says something to hurt her feelings.  She must stay mad all the time and that is not good for the babies.

  177. Lol this entire article is stupid. She sounds extremely annoying. I’ll say whatever I want whenever I feel like it, thanks.

    1. Of course you will!   You’re obviously one of those total ME people who says whatever, whenever, to whomever you please regardless of how that person may be feeling or what they may be going through at the time!   I bet you’d tell someone whose child had just died “hey don’t worry you can have another baby”. Right?   I bet you think that’s ok too don’t you? 

  178. Oh, give me a break. While a lot of these make sense (“common sense” would have been the term were it not so sadly uncommon), but with some of these, the author seems to go great lengths and out of her way to take offense where none was most likely intended. 
    Most people who have not experienced pregnancy (read: at least 50%-75% of the population throwing these phrases at you) just don’t know what to say. They may be uncomfortable and at a loss for words when searching for something positive and encouraging to say to someone who – let’s face it – outwardly may appear to be in a rather uncomfortable or precarious state.
    It’s a good thing the author offers one or two things **TO** actually SAY to a pregnant woman; but otherwise, she’s done nothing for all those who, like me, will now be even more uncomfortable and self-conscious talking to any pregnant woman for fear of appearing insensitive.

  179. The most precious human-being is an expectant mother but within wedlock. The shadows of God’s mercy on our earth are mothers and nobody but mothers. God bless all mothers on Earth.

  180. Wow…  This is a classic example of someone who is oversensitive!  Yes, some of these are stupid comments and a couple are things only close friends or family members should be allowed to say, but mostly it’s just harmless comments or questions made from people’s curiosity and want to commiserate. Mostly so that you’ll have an article to sell, unless I’m mistaken.  If not, you’re just looking for reasons to be angry here, I think. In that case, time for some anger management classes, preferably before the bundles of joy arrive.  Because if you think other people with their incessant comments and questions are annoying, I shudder to think what you’ll make of hungry babies waking each other and you up.  Or even better, two colicky babies.

  181. I agree some of those comments are thoughtless, but deliberate and malicious is something else. Seems like she attaches more meaning than necessary.
    “Wow, twin boys/girls! Too bad it wasn’t one of each … you’d be finished. TRANSLATION: You are a complete failure for being pregnant with two babies of the same sex.”
    Jeez! I don’t think most people think that way.
     

  182. I agree some of those comments are thoughtless, but deliberate and malicious is something else. Seems like she attaches more meaning than necessary.
    “Wow, twin boys/girls! Too bad it wasn’t one of each … you’d be finished. TRANSLATION: You are a complete failure for being pregnant with two babies of the same sex.”
    Jeez! I don’t think most people think that way.
     

  183. Wow.  There are some pretty harsh comments on here.  All she was trying to do was share the comments that pregnant people get tired of hearing.  I used to  hear a lot of the same annoying comments over and over when pregnant with my first child and I continued to think they were stupid comments after my daughter was born (i.e people repeatedly asking if I was sure I wasn’t having twins – yes, I’m STILL sure it’s not twins, EVERY ultrasound has shown only one baby, but thanks for letting me know every week how huge I am apparently am).  Anyway, I don’t think the author is being sensitive at all – I know of a lot of other mothers who got tired of hearing that same stupid comments all the time when they were pregnant too.

  184. I’ve heard more than once, from different men who are also fathers, and they always say that a pregnant woman is the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen. So being pregnant with twins must make you doubly beautiful. FYI, twins run in my family too.

  185. Talk about thinking negatively! This mom needs to lighten up! I can’t believe that she makes such a big deal of every word someone says. After friends & family read this, they’ll be afraid to speak to her at all. Egg shells….

  186. Jennifer, let me start out by telling you how beautiful you are (and your sister as well). But you need to have a reality check. So people say some bonehead things. At least they are talking to you. Although with your attitude, they may be avoiding you. And since I don’t want to confuse you by saying “Put your big girl panties on and deal with it!” – with NO reference to your pregnancy, I will tell you what my 20 year old Marine says: “SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE”. Get over it and enjoy life.

  187. Man, is she ever overly sensitive!  I don’t envy her family, having to watch every word out of their mouths in fear of offending her!  And I bet she gets offended a lot!  I bet it’s really hard to be around her.  Yes, I’m a mom, and my first was WAY overdue and I did get tired of the, “Are you STILL pregnant?”, but I took it with a grain of salt.  Just accept it that people are going to comment on your pregancy and enjoy the pregnancy.

  188. Well, this could be said to any mother of very young children and it certainly has NOTHING to do with bad behavior!  Only someone who has never had the pleasure of mothering young children could come up with this “translation” of this perfectly innocent and true statement.  Life with a baby is busy, life with two babies is busier still and more so if you already have children.  Parenting does come with responsibilities and rewards.

  189. I think the title should be, “What not to say to a woman expecting twins,” instead. She left off some comments that I think are more inconsiderate than, “Do twins run in your family?” Let’s not forget the wonderful, “You haven’t had that baby yet?” <<To that I'd say, "Why, yes, I have had the baby. I'm just still this big." *rolls eyes*  To me, that question is much more inconsiderate that the majority of the ones on here. I do dislike the "breast or bottle" stuff. It's no one's business but yours and your doctor's as to how your baby is being fed…as long as he/she is being fed.  I also never understood strangers' need to touch my stomach when I'm pregnant. That's just weird.  I don't really get upset when people make comments, I just don't understand the reason for some of them.  That being said, I do think it's funny how people are so quick to help you when you're pregnant(which is great), but once the baby comes, the help stops…even though you're balancing a baby in a carseat, diaper bag, and your groceries. My "baby" is 10 now…so, thankfully, I don't have to think about that stuff anymore. :)

    1. Not sure why it came out with a bunch of equal signs, but okay…maybe it will go away. :/

  190. A bit over sensitive, huh? Let’s wear our “pity me” attitude on our sleeve so it will get frequent bumps.
    — A 62-year old grandmother of four and loving it!

  191. This person sure is sensitive!  Give it a rest–people say platitudes to other people every day, not just to women who are pregnant with twins.  They are just making small talk–some of it may be not well thought out, but they are just trying to show interest.  Cut people some slack!!

  192. This person sure is sensitive!  Give it a rest–people say platitudes to other people every day, not just to women who are pregnant with twins.  They are just making small talk–some of it may be not well thought out, but they are just trying to show interest.  Cut people some slack!!

  193. I ALWAYS SAY YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL, AS THE LADY IN  QUESTION TO ME ALWAYS SEEM TO GLOW WHEN PREGNANT AND GENERALLY APPEAR SIRENELY FULFILLED.

  194. Wow, someone is way too sensitive. I could have said any one of the first five comments (didn’t want to read more) and I think pregnancy and motherhood is one of Gods greatest gifts. Any feelings of negativity is coming from the writer herself. Maybe she should have waited until after the babies were born to write this article.

  195. You are going to love them both the same, you’re young, you can have more

  196. All you have to do is, grab a diaper bag, etc, nd take the baby wherever you go. It’s your child, enjoy while they’re little. They grow up too darn fast.

  197. Jennifer – I have never been pregnant but can definitely see how some of these would be very offensive! However, it leaves me with one question. What SHOULD a person say when they hear that you are pregnant with twin boys?

    1. You should simply say congratulations. I’m 36 weeks preggers and i even had one woman asking me what color my nipples were! And she’s not even a friend, she was a salesclerk… i mean, geez!!!! Just say congratulations, and forget about nosy comments. 

      1. Amen!  Some people just can’t say “congratulations” and then SHUT UP!   It’s those who truly believe their opinions and comments are grandiose just like they are!!  No concern for the RECEIVER of their comments, it’s all about “me me me!!”  

      2. Oh my!…okay.  Nipple question (which I would never have thought of).  That one is TOTALLY out of the out of bounds.  lol

  198. Jennifer – I have never been pregnant but can definitely see how some of these would be very offensive! However, it leaves me with one question. What SHOULD a person say when they hear that you are pregnant with twin boys?

  199. Obviously this princess is in her first pregnancy. Her defensiveness in her snarky ‘translations’ will no doubt all be rescinded, if only in her mind, once all these things come true.

  200. Many have had negative comments regarding the author’s insights.  Well, perhaps pregnant women are super sensitive, particularly that last month when you have to rely on your 4 yo to tie your laces and even waddling around is uncomfortable — and the inane comments of friends, family and strangers will make you crazy!  “You must be having a boy — a girl would never make your butt so FAT!” (gee thanks.)   “Boy or girl?”  (are there any other options?) “When are you going to have that baby? (when it decides to come out.) “Wow, you look exhausted/terrible!” (thanks a LOT.)   “What!  Are you still here?” (No, you are having a hallucination.)  Face it, when it comes to pregnant women, everyone thinks they are being witty making incredibly stupid — and sometimes hurtful — comments.   The only comment anyone should make to a pregnant woman is how beautiful she is — and mean it.

    1. Sometimes people want to make a comment to be a part of the joy. Your joy of pregnancy. It just comes with the pregnancy- people have always done it and always will.  You sound a little like the author- Just hearing the comments different than they are meant.  Most of society is happy for you and on your side- they just want to join in the excitement.

    2. I can understand comments like that making u upset…….but not some of what she put. If they ask boy or girl, they just want to know….my goodness….ppl here need diapers………and what is wrong with someone noticing my tiredness? People think I look beautiful….I sure didn’t, but will I kill them for their opinion? People think I am a stick that swalloed a watermelon…that was actually funny……..look, we as pregnant women, will have bad days, but put on a smile and allow God to move you along so when a comment comes, God will teach you the right response for all of them.

  201. I think if I saw this lady I would just not talk to her, anything you say will be interpreted as a negative comment. Some of the questions, granted, are over the line, but really??

  202. IF they WOULD wear maternity clothes….the ones that I can’t stand to look at are the ones who are about 2 years pregnant and wear SKIN TIGHT tops…..and I am sure they slam men who do the same with their beer bellies…….COVER UP FOLKS……PLEASE

    1. So everyone has to change their appearance to please you? Move to Burqastan, and you won’t have to worry about seeing any part of a woman in public.

    2. general note: they probably *are* wearing maternity clothes. I hate tight clothing but once I hit 6 months… EVERYTHING was skin tight when I went to the store to buy maternity… so I just stuck with my cheaper clothes. they look the same.

  203. WOW, she is an angry prego mom-to-be lol. Geesh, I didnt think asking “Do twins run in your family?” was a bad question.  Some of the other questions I can understand.

  204. Jennifer sure sounds bitter. Too bad she is starting of parenthood with such a poor attitude towards others. She makes it sound as if the commenters are trying to be mean.
    Is she conflicted about having to share her life and career with these boys?
    Hopefully, her experience as a mother will help her lose the thin skin.

  205. My son had fraternal twin boys last November.  He’s adjusted nicely, and adores those two boys.

    Sharon

  206. No, I don’t think she is a prickly sensitive person—she just putting in writing what so many expectant mothers feel when people make these comments.

  207. No, I don’t think she is a prickly sensitive person—she just putting in writing what so many expectant mothers feel when people make these comments.

  208. No, I don’t think she is a prickly sensitive person—she just putting in writing what so many expectant mothers feel when people make these comments.

    1. I just want to know what an appropriate comment would be.  I have been pregnant 3 times and have been asked all kinds of questions.  Just be glad someone cares enough to comment.  Most of the time it is to commiserate.  I think having a baby is wonderful, but it is kind of nice to have your eyes opened up to some of the not so wonderful parts of it.

    2. I just want to know what an appropriate comment would be.  I have been pregnant 3 times and have been asked all kinds of questions.  Just be glad someone cares enough to comment.  Most of the time it is to commiserate.  I think having a baby is wonderful, but it is kind of nice to have your eyes opened up to some of the not so wonderful parts of it.

  209. I think this writer was more offended because of her pregnancy hormones that she freely admits were raging. Were there some bone-head statements in there? Sure. But if I ask do twins run in your family, it’s an honest question about twins and not in-vitro, Not asking if you had it; there’s no reason to even bring it up. In the writers case, it never would have because twins DID run in her family.
    I also thinks statements like “you’ll have your hands full” is meant to commiserate as most of us have been there. They WILL keep you running, but the statement shouldn’t be considered negative; it’s all in how you take it. People don’t mean to be mean and letting their comments ruin your day is on you.

    1. One of my best friends is one of ten children, SIX who are twins.  So, yes… it CAN “run in the family.” (These scenarios are not as rare as you might think.  About three percent of all births in the U.S. are twins.  The chances for a woman to give birth to more than one set of twins increases with a number of factors… including things like her HEIGHT, WEIGHT, AGE and DIET!)

    2. LFRog1386 is right.  Twins can be a result of family genetics, so asking is just an inquiry into that possibility, not into any method of conception.  And many of the other comments people make truly are just sound advice.  When I was pregnant with my first, I knew I knew nearly nothing, so I read a lot of books.  But, I listened to what people who already had children said, too, and learned more.  Still, once the little guy arrived, I was surprised by how much I didn’t know!  I do feel this woman is being too sensitive to some of the comments made.  There will be plenty more coming your way down the line–some welcome and some bonehead.  Get used to it, honey.  But some of the ones you initially think are rude may turn out to be the most helpful of all…

  210. Bless you and your twins to come, my daughter has 3 year old twin girls and a 14 month old and they are the light of my life…I thought you might like this one: another annoying thing people say is “well I had mine (insert time here) years apart and it was like having twins”  NO ITS NOT, you will get very annoyed at this statement.  Good luck and enjoy those babies, they are precious angels

  211. Bless you and your twins to come, my daughter has 3 year old twin girls and a 14 month old and they are the light of my life…I thought you might like this one: another annoying thing people say is “well I had mine (insert time here) years apart and it was like having twins”  NO ITS NOT, you will get very annoyed at this statement.  Good luck and enjoy those babies, they are precious angels

  212. Bless you and your twins to come, my daughter has 3 year old twin girls and a 14 month old and they are the light of my life…I thought you might like this one: another annoying thing people say is “well I had mine (insert time here) years apart and it was like having twins”  NO ITS NOT, you will get very annoyed at this statement.  Good luck and enjoy those babies, they are precious angels

  213. Wow, this author is sure a prickly sensitive person.  Must be a blast to be around her, always interrupting what everybody says to her.  I feel sorry for her husband.

    1. i’m not pregnant, nor do i want to be pregnant, and i am totally on her side. she can say whatever she feels like. it’s her opinion. also, i bet her husband is pretty darn happy with her. i know when i spout off my opinions to my husband he doesn’t mind at all. she can say anything she wants about her pregnancy or being pregnant and all she wants is you guys to stfu about it.

      1. Oh the irony J (“she can say whatever she feels like” vs. ”10 Things Never to Say to a Pregnant Woman“) If she can so can we J
         
        “when i spout off my opinions to my husband he doesn’t mind at all”
        Sure, sure, keep believing it honey J
         
        “The truth is, the way a mother chooses to feed her child is a very personal decision, and only she knows what is best for her and her baby.”
        What the F***? I thought science, and doctors know best. Isn’t that why you go to gynecologist? You do go, right? How many children did you have? What is the extent of your experience? Yeah, you must know better than professionals who studied this for years…
        It’s NOT about you! It’s about the health of your baby!
         
        Ok, I will not say any of those 10.  Oh, You poor soul, your life just ended…

        1. You’re mostly right. Doctors don’t know best either. They will try to make you have a c-section so they can get more money. Rent the movie “The Business of Being Born”

          Other than that, I agree with you.

          1. To those of you who think she is a prickly sensitive person: I pose this simple question to you- Have you ever been pregnant with twins or more at a time?  My guess is probably not.  But, try it and I will be laughing when you finally have a clue what it is like when you get bombarded with these statements on a daily basis and you are back here saying, “Wow, she is right”.  PS. I do have twins, so I can say that Rachel Jean is right- some people really do make some boneheaded and insensitive comments to pregnant women, let alone to women who are carrying more than than one, and they do get old REALLY QUICK.   

          2. Nope and I’m sure it’s not easy. But still hold the opinion she needs to just let it slide. More important things to get worked up over. SOwhatever goofy twocuriousmonkey name.

          3. I totally agree that some doctors are jerks! Mine didn’t tell me until we were *in the delivery room* that I couldn’t have ANY painkillers *EXCEPT* an epidural. IOW, either he took complete control of the birth, or I suffered (& iI was being induced, too!). No, I did not go back to him after that.

        2.  Doctors want you to think that they know best but it is not always true. They have quite successfully built a reputation that they know it all and you are a fool if you don’t take their advice. Anyone can study anatomy and come to the same conclusions a doctor will 80% if the time. Doctors, for the most part, are instruments in the hands of the pharmaceutical companies. Their primary job is to push pills; after all, most medical schools are funded by pharmaceutical companies. Fact!

        3. You may want to check out the book, “Is Breast Best.” It is a very eye opening read.  Is breast milk better? Maybe (and then again maybe not…the science isn’t as clear cut as you might think….and yes I am a scientist). Formula serves a valuable purpose and has saved the lives of millions of babies. Every person who says every mother absolutely has to breast feed needs to walk a mile in each and every one of those mother’s shoes. And for the record, I am a proud breast feeding mom.  

          1. Finally a sensible woman on here! Most of these catty women on here are just straight up uneducated. Stupid people are dangerous.

        4. Wow you’re a pill aren’t you? Dr do not always know best. Not all are well studied and they are also human, aka they are all prejudiced to their own opinions. Babies that have formula are just fine. Breast feeding is just fine. Anyone that becomes a judgemental little b*tch over this is a piece of sh*t not worth knowing!

          Also, a good man does not mind his pregnant wife confiding in him about how she is feeling. That is the indication of a good husband. It sounds like your husband treats you like trash, maybe there’s a reason for that eh “honey”? Maybe because you are trash.

      2. She sure can say what she wants but she’s a bit sensitive.  People will say what they want can’t change that. And what…stfu? A bit harsh dontchathink?

    2. No. She’s not prickly or sensitive. She’s just sick of people making bonehead comments. Thank you Captain Obvious for bringing attention to my pregnancy ailments, large stomach and the negative encounters of pregnancy. Why is it anyone’s business if a baby was planned, how it was conceived, their method of feeding. People are nosy and rude. Plain and simple.

      1. Eh… Some are morons and some are looking out for you and the baby.

        Telling a pregnant woman she’s ready to burst is just dumb. It’s like is that the best you can do??? DUH I’m PREGNANT you idiot but my tummy is not going to BURST like a friggin alien is coming out of me… I’m going to give birth to this child/these children and if you know nothing about it, it’s best you keep your trap shut.

        1. Sometimes, people commented because they just want to make a conversation with you and to show they are concerned about you. Do you want they to talk and talk about themselves only? If so, we won’t call it as a conversation. Plus, do you ever consider people might merely want to joke with you when they commented “you are about to burst”? Instead of being sensitive about it, you better be preoccupied with other more important things. I am just sharing my thoughts.

      2. Eh… Some are morons and some are looking out for you and the baby.

        Telling a pregnant woman she’s ready to burst is just dumb. It’s like is that the best you can do??? DUH I’m PREGNANT you idiot but my tummy is not going to BURST like a friggin alien is coming out of me… I’m going to give birth to this child/these children and if you know nothing about it, it’s best you keep your trap shut.

      3. You are just waaaaay too sensitive. I get that people are going to be rude, accidentally or on purpose. Get over it. As a parent, you have much more important things to worry about. 

      1. Yeah – obviously Tghio is a real winner her/himself.   Probably the norm for all the boneheads who think they have the “right” to say whatever they want to anyone!   What happened to social etiquette and having some sensitivity toward other people?  

    3. Yes! Super sensitive. I think the only thing to do would be not talk to her at all! Well-wishers away, your words will only be misinterpreted and twisted into something vile you have supposedly meant! 

      1. Wow another moron on the internet, big surprise!! Spoken like a true idiot who has no clue about anything, yet still felt it important to put their pointless opinion online anyways.

    4. You’re a moron. You’re a mega b*tch and it sucks for everyone that knows you.

  214. Wow, this author is sure a prickly sensitive person.  Must be a blast to be around her, always interrupting what everybody says to her.  I feel sorry for her husband.

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