Reader Digest Version Global

Hilarious Texts From Parents Gone Bad

Parents master the art of the quick comeback.

from Reader's Digest | March 2012
Hilarious Texts From Parents Gone Bad© FogStock/Thinkstock

Brothers Stephen and Wayne Miltz, creators of the popular crazythingsparentstext.com, recently published a book of hundreds of private text messages between parents and children. A selection of our favorites:

Mom: Love you, kiddo!

Me: Aw, thanks. Love you, too!

Mom: Sorry, wrong person

 

Me: Dad, my bank account has ten dollars in it!

Dad: Oh good, our plan to get you to contact us succeeded

 

Me: I was offered a job!

Dad: Accept it before they realize their mistake.

 

Dad: What is IDK?

Me: I don’t know.

Dad: Oh, do you know who does?

 

Dad: I just changed my password to “incorrect” so the computer just tells me when I forget.

 

Me: Lets eat dad

Dad: “Let’s eat Dad” or “Let’s eat, Dad.” Punctuation saves lives.

 

Me: I love you

Mom: I tolerate you

 

Mom: I think I keep getting messages or missed calls or something.

Me: From who?

Mom: Some woman called…Betty Low?

Me: Um, battery low?

Mom: Yeah, that’s it!

 

Me: What time are you picking me up?

Dad: Who is this?

Me: Your son.

Dad: How did you get this number?

Me: I programmed your phone, remember?

Dad: How do I delete people?

 

Mom: Your father is driving me crazy. When are you coming home?

Me: I’m out with friends so not till late. Sorry!

Mom: It’s OK. I put Ambien in his tea. He won’t be annoying me much longer.

 

Me: Can I borrow 50 bucks?

Mom: You don’t call to say hi, you didn’t call on my birthday. All you ever call for is money!

Me: 40 bucks?

Mom: OK.

 

Me: Hey!

Dad: Aren’t you supposed to be at school?

Me: Aren’t you supposed to be at work?

Dad: Touché …

 

Me: Happy 49th, Dad! I love you so much!

Dad: It’s 48! You ruined my day.

 

Mom: Come downstairs and talk to me please. I’m lonely.

Me: Isn’t Dad there?

Mom: Yes, but I like you more.

Your Comments

  • Ecogirl

    I have a feeling some of these aren’t real…

    • Anonymous

      Ecogirl…ur absolutely right…these jokes are written to make u laugh…it does not claim that it’s really happening… ;-)

    • Anonymous

      Ecogirl…ur absolutely right…these jokes are written to make u laugh…it does not claim that it’s really happening… ;-)

    • Aditi Kapur

      I doubt if there is any…..

    • Butterflyz

      Trust me.  I’m a parent, and we say things like this.

  • Kianoosh

    Well my experience is not funny in an obvious way, but how do you feel when you wake up at 10 in the morning at your parents’ place, where you’re back for holidays,BTW, only to find a text from your dad -which was sent at 7 in the morning- saying “Young lady, I expect you to become a successful, independent woman who continues her studies until PhD,” really, dad?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_Q445I3XDUBJHWQPUNV2L4X7PYE YhooU

      That wasn’t funny at all. Not in an obvious way or non-obvious way. Just unfunny.

  • http://twitter.com/NMS_1993 Nova May Solite

    Ask my parent to my phone before texting… @readersdigest

  • Anonymous

    good news~
    ” I have already come ”
    amazing~
    youtube search  ” I have already come “

  • Anonymous

    good news~
    ” I have already come ”
    amazing~
    youtube search  ” I have already come “

  • Anonymous

    good news~
    ” I have already come ”
    amazing~
    youtube search  ” I have already come “

  • Anonymous

    good news~
    ” I have already come ”
    amazing~
    youtube search  ” I have already come “

  • Willowashland

    Readers Digest, Although I like your examples, and I gather the book is cleaned up from what is found on the site, you should warn readers about sites that are full of really disgusting language like the one by the Miltz brothers. I went there looking for a laugh and came away disgusted. There are very few that I could show to my son. Most use obscene, sexual, and racist language. Not cool. 

  • Jonesdawn50

    I remember telling my young son, (when he refused to wear his jacket) “OK, but when you wake up dead from pneumonia, don’t come crying to me”!!  D.J. in NY

  • Justin_Bieber

    HA.

  • Justin_Bieber

    HA.

  • Anonymous

    ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/kaygoll Kay Lawrence Gollihugh

    I have a 17 yr old son and I laughed until I cried!!!!

  • BrandiKenyon

    I would use the word hilarious.

  • Brandikenyon

    WOULDN’T EXCUSE ME – HUGE TYPO~

  • Vasumathi

    hahaha this is soooo HILARIOUS! :D

  • NVRSTUKXJ

    ROTFLMAOSHMSFOAIDMT

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000215927162 Swati Kamboj

    i really doubt  if parents are so dumb . mine aren’t .

  • http://www.mind-mart.com/ Holistic Health

    Well it worked. Made me spit my ice tea on the ‘puter screen.

  • Anonymous

    This texting stories may not be real but found some I plan on usung with my kids.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sage.saget Sage Saget

    This is the most unfunny cruft I quit reading in a long time. I got to the fifth one and quit.

  • had enough of smug parents

    parents shouldn’t be mean, even in joking, unless they want it right back from their kids when they’re old and depend on them.