They’re everywhere — people who make themselves feel better at our expense. “But if we’re prepared, they won’t have power over us,” says Judith Orloff, psychiatrist and author of Positive Energy. Here’s how to deflect the vampires as they strike:
Scenario: Your airplane seatmate wants to talk politics — for the whole flight.
Solution: Say, “That’s interesting, but I hope you understand this is my time to relax. I need to read now.”
The Drama Queen
Scenario: To your co-worker, losing $1 in the vending machine is the end of the world.
Solution: Say, “I’m sorry that happened — I hope you can work it out — but I need to get back to work.”
Scenario: A “friend” consoles you after a bad date, saying, “Maybe you’re setting your sights too high.”
Solution: Minimize contact with that person. At the least, tell her, “That was hurtful. Please don’t say things like that to me.” Then recognize the insults for the insecurity that they show.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.