Do you two have what it takes to endure? Professor and sexologist Pepper Schwartz, PhD, offers five ways to probe your feelings—and prove your love:
Do you have trouble finding solutions to problems together?
It’s not about persuading your spouse that you’re right. It’s whether the two of you can consistently find a comfortable middle ground.
Is your spouse making most of the decisions?
Your point of view needs a full and fair hearing before you both decide on an outcome.
Does he or she withhold affection?
It’s not just about sex—holding hands and hugging are essential. Do you share a smile or kiss at the end of the day?
Is your mate defensive? Are you?
Shoulder responsibility and suggest a do-over. That will make it easier to admit you were wrong.
Is he or she inflexible?
You don’t want your spouse to be stuck in a rut. The priorities you set 20 years ago may not apply if one of you loses a job or gets sick.
Bottom line: If you’ve answered affirmatively to most of these questions, it’s time to get to work. Discussing your answers might be a good place to start.