- Press everything on your phone. You may be able to trick systems into thinking that you’re on a rotary phone — or that you’re crazy. Either way, you’re in.
- Mumble. If the system can’t understand you, it has no choice but to connect you with a live person.
- Speak nonsense. See above.comstockcomplete.comDon't stress it, just hang up on frustrating conversations.
- Do nothing. They sense a rotary phone. Voila — a human.
- Speak Spanish. The Spanish option often has a shorter wait time, and you’ll probably get a bilingual operator.
- Select the cancel-service option. If a company thinks it’s going to lose you as a customer, someone may try to
convince you otherwise — in person.
- Mention a competitor. Systems sometimes monitor what you say while you’re on hold. If you name a competitor, someone may help you sooner.
- Swear. Some systems put anyone who is using profanity at the front of the line.
- Plan your call time wisely. Avoid Monday, and call at an odd hour if you can.For more help, consult gethuman.com, which maintains a list of more than 900 U.S. companies and how to get a human on the phone at each one.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.