De-Stress and Make Love Again

A little creativity can rekindle those passionate feelings that got you together in the first place.

By Sarì Harrar and Rita DeMaria | Ph.D. from The 7 Stages of Marriage

Experiment. Revive the sexy things you did early in your relationship, or try something new. You’ve got a level of trust now that’s light-years beyond what you had as newlyweds. Dare to ask for something you’ve always wanted. One idea: If you’ve never done it before, search for each other’s G-spots. In women, this walnut-size area is located on the top wall of the vagina, about two inches in. Men have a similar area on the perineum, a small stretch of delicate skin between the base of the penis and the anus.

Have a new sex talk. Your body’s different now than it was when you married. So are your needs and desires. A little conversation can make all the difference. Be brave. Say what you want — and what you don’t want. If your partner’s ideas about what you like are obsolete, it’s up to you to update him or her. Keep it upbeat by talking about what you like rather than what you dislike. And give positive reinforcement when he or she does something you adore.

Be as specific as possible. Your idea of doing something new might mean a new position; your spouse’s might be to invite along something battery-powered. The authors of the 2,000-year-old Kama Sutra, the ancient Indian sex handbook, got it right when they said, “Though a man loves a girl ever so much, he never succeeds in winning her without a great deal of talking.”

Save problem-solving for outside the bedroom. If something’s not going well, wait for another, less vulnerable time to bring it up. Experts say the worst time to talk about serious sex problems is when you’re trying to have sex. Emotions are too sensitive.

Dad: Unload the dishwasher — and put all the pots away! University of California sociologists who surveyed 3,563 parents found that when dads did more housework, their wives found them more sexually attractive. Experts say women see the extra help as a sign of love.

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